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‘Perfect Pairs’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Modern Family: Perfect Pairs

1103. Perfect Pairs

Aired October 9, 2019

Phil, Claire, Alex and Luke love having the twins around, but taking care of them is exhausting! However, when they realize the babies might help them with a few things on their to-do lists, they offer to give Haley the day off.

Quote from Cameron

Man: Oh, my God, you guys, let's hurry!
Cameron: Hurrying where?
Man: Uh, there's a retrospective... "Cher in the '70s: Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves."
Cameron: [gasps]
Mitchell: You went without me? What do we always say? Every Cher experience should be a shared experience.
Cameron: Shared experience. I'm sorry, Mitchell. If I could turn back time...


Quote from Phil

Phil: The Duke... ...becomes a uke... ...becomes a Luke.
Alex: Dad, that was amazing!
Phil: Yeah! Amazing that I think a hacky parlor trick is gonna cut it at SCARB. You heard me right, Alex... SCARB!
[aside to camera:]
Phil: The Southern California Area Realtors' Banquet is the biggest event of the year for Southern California Area Realtors. The other events: SCARL, SCARD, SCARP, SCARG, SCARF; t-they're fine, but SCARB, it's... it's the show. I performed at last year's SCARB, and... and I did well. Too well.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: Cam was actually about to tell us what he learned about Picasso.
Paul: Oh, I know so little about him.
Cameron: Well, it... it turns out he was born, um... in the wagon of a... of a traveling... show. His mother, poor thing, she was forced to dance for all...

Quote from Lily

Mitchell: Lily, how...
Lily: I set up my mirror so I could see her cards. I had to! I couldn't stand her making me feel bad about myself.
Mitchell: No, no, I get it. I'm not sure they don't enjoy making people feel inferior.
Lily: Which is something you guys could never do.
Both: Aww!
Mitchell: Wait, did she just say that we could never make people feel inferior because we're so inferior ourselves?
Cameron: But cleverly wrapped in a compliment to avoid detection?
Mitchell: In other words, the perfect gay zinger?
Cameron: Well, she may not finish high school, but she will hold her own at any Tony party the rest of her life.
Mitchell: Yeah, she will. Yeah.

Quote from Mitchell

[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: They even pre-paid for six months.
Cameron: That means they'll be here till Christmas. [gasps] We can include them in our Secret Santa!
Mitchell: Oh, it would be nice not to get Lily again.
Cameron: Mm-hmm.

Quote from Phil

Phil: For the last year, I haven't paid for a drink in any Realtor bar in California. I've never known that kind of adulation. If I blow it tonight, it all goes away. I'm just another bum walking into Brokers paying for my own Long Escrow Iced Tea!

Quote from Luke

[aside to camera:]
Luke: I told Janice I'm 21. I'm pretty sure she'd break up with me if she found out I wasn't even legal yet. Then she asked if I'd buy wine for dinner tonight.
[cut to Luke presenting Alex's ID at a liquor store:]
Cashier: Mind moving your thumb... Alexandra?
Luke: That's what that's short for?

Quote from Gloria

Jay: It's great seeing you being supportive of Sonia for...
Gloria: [softly] She's an idiot. He's obviously a gold digger, and I'm going to prove it to her.
Jay: How do you know he's a gold digger?
Gloria: He's a starving artist, she has money. Do you really think that someone young and beautiful like that is gonna fall in love with a rich, older person? Never happens.
Jay: Mm-hmm.
Gloria: I hear what I'm saying, and we're fine.

Quote from Lily

Vera: What's this?
Lily: Art project for school. I just grabbed something out of the trash and threw glitter glue on it. Got a 70.
Mitchell: She knows that's out of 100, right?
Brad: Vera went through a Found Art phase. This is, um... This is the Michelangelo's David that she made out of plastic.
Vera: Recycled plastic. We only get one planet, let's take care of it.
Lily: Mm. [quietly, to Mitchell and Cameron] Guess someone's never heard of the moon.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: You can't marry my sister.
Nestor: Why?
Gloria: Two words. Maybe one, with a hyphen. Gold digger.

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