Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘American Skyper’ Quotes

Modern Family: American Skyper

624. American Skyper

Aired May 20, 2015

When the family gathers at Jay and Gloria's for Alex's graduation party, Phil is stuck in a hotel room in Seattle and must share the experience with a virtual presence device. Jay is fed up with Gloria's cousin being an imposition, but Gloria thinks he treats her family shabbily. Meanwhile, Claire is trying to come up with the perfect gift for Alex, Mitchell is hiding some personal news from Cameron, and Haley gets the sense that Andy's girlfriend, Beth, has it in for her.

Quote from Claire

Alex: I want you to go to Europe with me.
Claire: What?
Alex: Yeah. We'll have a great time cafes, museums. Plus, Europe is not safe for teenage girls. You've seen Taken. Could you imagine Dad getting that phone call?
Claire: What is his particular set of skills? Juggling?

Rate

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: So you admit it. You are having an affair.
Mitchell: What?
Cameron: It's the braces, isn't it? I've driven you to stray. I'm hideous.
Mitchell: Cam, you're acting crazy.
Cameron: Am I? Mitchell, I found the receipt to the Avian [ah-vian] Hotel.
Mitchell: That's pronounced "avian."
Cameron: Well, it sounds seedy.
Mitchell: It is. It's a kennel for birds. It's where I picked up George.
Cameron: Oh, there's a George too?
Mitchell: Calm down. I'm talking about a cockatoo.
Cameron: Oh! One or two. Is that all? How blase.

Quote from Andy

Claire: You know your dad wishes he could be here.
Phil: [on virtual presence device] What are you talking about?
Jay: What the-
Phil: I'm right here! [laughs] I had Andy set me up so I could be here with you all.
Andy: I just had to plug him in. It was a nice reversal from when I had to pull the plug on my dad in the hospital.

Quote from Andy

Haley: Gloria, tell her she can stay.
Gloria: Of course you can stay. We love having you here. Especially Joe. You're his new favorite.
Andy: I used to be his favorite until I told him I get paid to hang with him. I just felt he had a right to know.

Quote from Haley

Haley: [aside to camera] If I'm being honest I thought I was into Andy. Then his girlfriend, Beth came into town and she's really sweet and they're great together. So, in the spirit of graduation I'm officially moving on. And, unlike my actual graduation there's no pregnancy scare.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] I thought Mitchell would be more excited about the unit upstairs. Something is going on with him. He's been more distant lately. For the last two weeks, he hasn't been that interested in the unit downstairs, either.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: [aside to camera] We had some budget cuts at the office, and a bunch of us got laid off. Now Now, I didn't tell Cam because I was embarrassed but also because I knew- I knew I would get another job like that. It's been a month and-and now it's just weird that I didn't tell him in the first place so every morning, I leave for work. I send out my resume. And then, like most unemployed people hiding the truth from their spouses I go to the park. And then one day, I met Spencer. And now I play checkers with Spencer. And his best friend, George who helped me get over my lifelong fear of birds.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [on virtual presence device] H- Hey! Hey!
Jay: Calm down. Gloria needs napkin rings. I'm gonna hold you up. You can check the high shelves.
Phil: Lift with your legs. I had a big lunch. [chuckles]

Quote from Phil

Phil: [on the virtual presence device] Crockett and Tubbs. That's heroin!
Jay: What?
Phil: You know, horse, smack, hell dust.
Jay: I know the nicknames. I've watched Kojak.

Quote from Alex

Mitchell: This is a report card that you made for me when you were four and you gave me a B-minus as an uncle.
Alex: Okay. I was mad because you wasted your vote on Ralph Nader.

Quote from Claire

Haley: So no one thinks that Beth has maybe, like, a slightly psychotic side?
Claire: Oh. I see what's going on here. Somebody's jealous 'cause she's not the only pretty girl around here anymore, hmm?
Alex: Wow! Thanks, Mom.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [on virtual presence device] Andy, back when I was dating Claire, I used to think what if I'm in the Laundromat one day, and Robin Givens walks in? She asks me for a quarter. I hand her one. Our fingers linger. She wonders if maybe after Iron Mike what she's really yearning for is the touch of a gentler man.

Quote from Claire

[As Andy hugs Phil's virtual presence device]
Claire: Oh, come on. Get a Roomba.

Quote from Phil

Claire: You're never gonna believe what my dad did.
Phil: [on virtual presence device] Lock you in the bathroom?
Claire: No. He gave Alex a trip to Europe for her graduation present. There's no way I can now give her a weekend of Dutch pancake balls after that.
Phil: Can you open the door? I'm feeling claustrophobic.
Claire: Phil, you're in a hotel room in Seattle.

Quote from Phil

Claire: I'm desperate. Just teach me the song.
Phil: [on virtual presence device] Well, well, well. Look who came crawling back.
Claire: Just teach it to me.
Phil: Okay. It's called "Go Ask Alex." [strumming, singing] "When you don't know what a word means, go ask Alex If you need someone to hem your jeans, go ask Alex-
Claire: I can't believe I'm even saying this but instead of "hem your jeans," could it be "steam your greens"?
Phil: No, it can't. The jeans come back at the four-minute mark.

Quote from Gloria

Claire: Phil and I have prepared something very special for our brilliant graduate, Alex. Okay. You ready? - When you - [no audio] Why is that not- Okay, there's no sound. Phil, honey? There's no sound.
Gloria: Okay, so, while Claire fixes robot Phil, I make toast.

Quote from Phil

Haley: Hey, Dad, can we talk?
Phil: [on virtual presence device] Sure, honey.
Haley: In private?
Phil: Oh, not so hard. I can't breathe. [chuckles] Little robot humor.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Hello? Hello? Can anybody hear me? Hello? Oh, thank God! You've got to help me. I've been in an accident.
I- I need you to find my daughter! Oh, great. Thank you. Wh- What are you doing? Where are you going? Wh-Where are you taking me? Put me down! Help! I'm being taken!


 Episode 623 Episode 701 
  Select another episode