Everybody Loves Raymond Quotes

Everybody Loves Raymond

Everybody Loves Raymond

Ray Barone is a sportswriter who lives on Long Island with his wife, Debra, and their daughter and twin boys. Ray's parents, Frank and Marie, live across the street and his brother, Robert, lives with them.

Starring: Ray Romano, Patricia Heaton, Brad Garrett, Doris Roberts, Peter Boyle, Monica Horan.
Original Run: 1996-2005.

Quote of the Day

Wednesday, April 14, 2021

Quote from Robert in Hackidu

Debra: No, Frank, Bill Parker's not like that. Where you going?
Ray: I got a little unfinished business with your boyfriend.
Marie: Boyfriend?
Robert: Well, this could explain why all the kids are blond.
Debra: And smart.


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Quote from Marie in Lucky Suit

Agent Garfield: Mrs. Barone, you seem like an intelligent woman.
Marie: Thank you. Have a cookie.
Agent Garfield: Do you really think that a mother interfering to the extent that you have could possibly help a man get a job with the FBI? There's something else going on.
Marie: He was supposed to retire! He's a year away from not being a police officer. Which means I could stop worrying about him every second of the day. I want him to be safe. Now he wants to go from one dangerous job to another? How long do I have to walk around with a knot in my stomach? Forever? I can't do it anymore. It's too much. But he wants this job. It'll make him happy. And he should be happy. So, yes, he should have this job. Please, give him this job.
Agent Garfield: I can't do that.
Marie: No. No, don't blame him, you can punish me! Put one of those tracking things on my legs so I can't get out of the house. And if you met my husband, you'd know that's punishment enough.

Quote from Marie in Marie's Sculpture

Marie: Raymond, do you see what they see?
Ray: Um... I don't know.
Marie: No, tell me the truth.
Ray: Well... Maybe if I squint a little.
Marie: Oh, my God, I'm a lesbian!

Quote from Debra in The Angry Family

Debra: First of all, it's not a book. It's pieces of construction paper.
Ray: You sound a bit close-minded.
Debra: Hey. Eileen, you have no idea what I have to put up with. When I got married, I didn't just get a husband, I got a whole freak show that set up their tent right across the street. And that- That would be fine, if they stayed there. But every day... Every day, they dump a truckload of their insane family dreck into my lap. How would you like to sit through two people in their 60s fighting over who invented the lawn? The lawn! And then the brother, "I live in an apartment. I don't even have a lawn. Raymond has a lawn." But you can't blame him when you see who the mother is. She has this kind of sick hold on the both of them. And the father's about as disgusting a creature as God has ever dropped onto this planet. So no wonder the kid writes stories! I should be writing stories. My life is a Gothic novel! And until you have lived in that house, with all of them in there with you day after day, week after week, year after friggin' year, you are in no position to judge me!

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Quote from Frank in Driving Frank

Frank: [horn honks]
Ray: Dad, it's 7:00 A.M. What the hell are you doing?
Frank: Let's go! My test is at 7:30!
Ray: What? What test?
Frank: At the DMV! I gotta take the stupid test again and they got some rule about going with a licensed driver!
Ray: I'm not going now! [Frank honks the horn again] Hey! Stop it!
Man: [o.s.] Barone, you stupid ass!
Ray: Hey, I'm on it! I got it! I got it! All right, Dad! I'm coming, shut up.

Quote from Ray in The Sneeze

Marie: What else do you feel? Are you achy?
Ray: I don't know.
Marie: Where, in the chest or your legs?
Ray: Both, actually both.
Marie: What about coughing? Are you coughing?
Ray: [coughs] A little bit.

Quote from Marie in Super Bowl

Ray: No, don't, don't, Ma. Don't do it.
Marie: What?
Ray: Don't try to get me to change my mind, okay? I see you're firing up all the pistons in your little guilt machine.
Marie: I don't have a guilt machine, Raymond. All I have is the hope that our family could be happy. [exits]
Debra: There's a lot of miles on that machine, but it runs like new.