Everybody Loves Raymond Quotes

Everybody Loves Raymond

Everybody Loves Raymond

Ray Barone is a sportswriter who lives on Long Island with his wife, Debra, and their daughter and twin boys. Ray's parents, Frank and Marie, live across the street and his brother, Robert, lives with them.

Starring: Ray Romano, Patricia Heaton, Brad Garrett, Doris Roberts, Peter Boyle, Monica Horan.
Recurring Actors: Fred Willard, Georgia Engel, Chris Elliott, Katherine Helmond, Robert Culp, Andy Kindler, Jon Manfrellotti.
Original Run: 1996-2005.

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Quote from Robert in Not So Fast

Amy: No, wait. You know, maybe we could save up for our own place quicker if we stay here for a while. And besides, we just spent a fortune on furniture, and we can't even return the couch or the Muscleflex because you just ruined them... sweetie.
Robert: My life! What has happened to my life? [looks to the heavens] Was this your plan? Huh? You sat up there and you put me through everything and then let me end up like this? Well, let me tell you something, mister: You are not funny.
Debra: He does screw with him a lot.

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Quote from Marie in Lucky Suit

Agent Garfield: Mrs. Barone, you seem like an intelligent woman.
Marie: Thank you. Have a cookie.
Agent Garfield: Do you really think that a mother interfering to the extent that you have could possibly help a man get a job with the FBI? There's something else going on.
Marie: He was supposed to retire! He's a year away from not being a police officer. Which means I could stop worrying about him every second of the day. I want him to be safe. Now he wants to go from one dangerous job to another? How long do I have to walk around with a knot in my stomach? Forever? I can't do it anymore. It's too much! But he wants this job. It'll make him happy. And he should be happy. So, yes, he should have this job. Please, give him this job.
Agent Garfield: I can't do that.
Marie: No. No, don't blame him, you can punish me! Put one of those tracking things on my legs so I can't get out of the house. And if you met my husband, you'd know that's punishment enough.

Quote from Marie in Marie's Sculpture

Marie: Raymond, do you see what they see?
Ray: Um... I don't know.
Marie: No, tell me the truth.
Ray: Well... Maybe if I squint a little.
Marie: Oh, my God, I'm a lesbian!

Quote from Debra in The Angry Family

Debra: First of all, it's not a book. It's pieces of construction paper.
Ray: You sound a bit close-minded.
Debra: Hey. Eileen, you have no idea what I have to put up with. When I got married, I didn't just get a husband, I got a whole freak show that set up their tent right across the street. And that- That would be fine, if they stayed there. But every day... Every day, they dump a truckload of their insane family dreck into my lap. How would you like to sit through two people in their 60s fighting over who invented the lawn? The lawn! And then the brother, "I live in an apartment. I don't even have a lawn. Raymond has a lawn." But you can't blame him when you see who the mother is. She has this kind of sick hold on the both of them. And the father's about as disgusting a creature as God has ever dropped onto this planet. So no wonder the kid writes stories! I should be writing stories. My life is a Gothic novel! And until you have lived in that house, with all of them in there with you day after day, week after week, year after friggin' year, you are in no position to judge me!

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Quote from Robert in Snow Day

Ray: Robert's weird. He doesn't like to go out to eat because he has a fear of busboys. He can't carry his dollar bills facing each other because it would be like they're kissing.
Debra: That's just quirky.
Ray: Yeah? Quirky? He separates his Good 'n Plenties into "goods" and "plenties." Which one is which again?
Robert: Never mind.
Ray: No, no, go ahead. Go ahead.
Robert: The pinks are the "goods," and the whites are the "plenties." 'Cause there's always more of them. And they're not as good. And then there's a third category of "irregulars."
Ray: And they're called...
Robert: "Cuties."
Ray: I rest my case.

Quote from Ray in Counseling

Debra: That's why I want to go to counseling. I don't think it's that you're just lazy. I think there's a deeper reason behind this, and if we could just figure it out, you and I could be happier.
Ray: Come on, you know me. There's not much deepness. I just... I like to be taken care of.
Debra: You gotta understand, Ray, that that's not a wife. That's a mother.
Ray: Well, maybe that's what I want!
Frank: Holy crap!

Quote from Robert in Mother's Day

Ray: Hey, what what are you doing? Why aren't you with Mom?
Robert: Evidently, it's simply not Mother's Day without Raymond.
Frank: She's been a miserable wretch all week long. I mean, on top of the usual. How's it going' over here?
Ray: Yeah, well, it's not good. She's in a bad mood, too. I'm just gonna run these over and drop them off for Mom.
Robert: Drop these off? You'll never get out of there! She's got your baby book out and she's humming lullabies. She sent us over to get ya.
Frank: What she doesn't know is, we're never going back.
Ray: All right, well, keep it down. She can sense happiness.
Robert: I don't like them not talking to each other, it makes me nervous.
Frank: It's like in Korea, it was most scary when it was quiet.
Robert: I hate seeing them like this. I can't take it anymore! You know what? The three of us should go to Florida.