Everybody Loves Raymond Quotes

Everybody Loves Raymond

Everybody Loves Raymond

Ray Barone is a sportswriter who lives on Long Island with his wife, Debra, and their daughter and twin boys. Ray's parents, Frank and Marie, live across the street and his brother, Robert, lives with them.

Starring: Ray Romano, Patricia Heaton, Brad Garrett, Doris Roberts, Peter Boyle, Monica Horan.
Original Run: 1996-2005.

Quote of the Day

Sunday, June 13, 2021

Quote from Marie in No Fat

Marie: Frank, the young man at the Health Fair said--
Frank: That stupid Health Fair. I go in there looking for a chocolate cone at the drugstore, next thing I know I'm getting my blood pressure taken.
Marie: My blood pressure was better than yours.
Frank: But I won the eyesight thing.
Ray: So did you have the cholesterol checked to break the tie?
Frank: Yeah and I won.
Marie: We're waiting for the urine test. I could still tie if your father has high blood sugar.

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Quote from Marie in Lucky Suit

Agent Garfield: Mrs. Barone, you seem like an intelligent woman.
Marie: Thank you. Have a cookie.
Agent Garfield: Do you really think that a mother interfering to the extent that you have could possibly help a man get a job with the FBI? There's something else going on.
Marie: He was supposed to retire! He's a year away from not being a police officer. Which means I could stop worrying about him every second of the day. I want him to be safe. Now he wants to go from one dangerous job to another? How long do I have to walk around with a knot in my stomach? Forever? I can't do it anymore. It's too much. But he wants this job. It'll make him happy. And he should be happy. So, yes, he should have this job. Please, give him this job.
Agent Garfield: I can't do that.
Marie: No. No, don't blame him, you can punish me! Put one of those tracking things on my legs so I can't get out of the house. And if you met my husband, you'd know that's punishment enough.

Quote from Marie in Marie's Sculpture

Marie: Raymond, do you see what they see?
Ray: Um... I don't know.
Marie: No, tell me the truth.
Ray: Well... Maybe if I squint a little.
Marie: Oh, my God, I'm a lesbian!

Quote from Debra in The Angry Family

Debra: First of all, it's not a book. It's pieces of construction paper.
Ray: You sound a bit close-minded.
Debra: Hey. Eileen, you have no idea what I have to put up with. When I got married, I didn't just get a husband, I got a whole freak show that set up their tent right across the street. And that- That would be fine, if they stayed there. But every day... Every day, they dump a truckload of their insane family dreck into my lap. How would you like to sit through two people in their 60s fighting over who invented the lawn? The lawn! And then the brother, "I live in an apartment. I don't even have a lawn. Raymond has a lawn." But you can't blame him when you see who the mother is. She has this kind of sick hold on the both of them. And the father's about as disgusting a creature as God has ever dropped onto this planet. So no wonder the kid writes stories! I should be writing stories. My life is a Gothic novel! And until you have lived in that house, with all of them in there with you day after day, week after week, year after friggin' year, you are in no position to judge me!

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Quote from Frank in Blabbermouths

Debra: "Choo-Choo Chulesky"?
Ray: What?
Debra: Who is Choo-Choo Chulesky?
Frank: Ray, you'd better get back into your microwave position.

Quote from Marie in She's the One

Marie: Robbie, honey, I know what you're going through, and I can help you. I just want you, once and for all, to say it to me.
Robert: What are you talking about? Say what to you?
Marie: That you're homosexual.
Robert: Ma!
Marie: Just say it!
Frank: No, don't say it!
Robert: I'm not saying it!

Quote from Marie in The Bigger Person

Frank: Hey. You know what the guys at the lodge were just telling me? Apparently if you install it yourself, a satellite dish is actually quite affordable. Makes you think, doesn't it? Anyway, make me a sandwich, will ya?
Marie: You want a sandwich?
Frank: Uh, roast beef, mayo, mustard, lettuce, tomato, cheese, easy onion.
Marie: Sounds nice. What kind of bread?
Frank: Let's go with the whole wheat today, shall we?
Marie: All right.
[Marie hits Frank with the bread]
Frank: Ow! Hey! Hey! Ow! Okay, white bread, then!
Marie: You didn't think I'd catch on to you, Mr. Sleazy Man? Oh, I caught on. Oh, did I catch on! Sure, getting the two of us to wait on you hand and foot, exploiting the situation. I wish this bread was stale, I would give you a concussion!