Everybody Loves Raymond Quotes

Everybody Loves Raymond

Everybody Loves Raymond

Ray Barone is a sportswriter who lives on Long Island with his wife, Debra, and their daughter and twin boys. Ray's parents, Frank and Marie, live across the street and his brother, Robert, lives with them.

Starring: Ray Romano, Patricia Heaton, Brad Garrett, Doris Roberts, Peter Boyle, Monica Horan.
Original Run: 1996-2005.

Quote of the Day

Friday, March 5, 2021

Quote from Frank in Wallpaper

Debra: Robert, what do we do?
Robert: I'll fill out a report. You should call your insurance companies.
Frank: Oh, here we go. Why the hell did I let you drive?
Marie: Because you can't see anymore.
Frank: I can see a house!

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Quote from Ray in Counseling

Debra: That's why I want to go to counseling. I don't think it's that you're just lazy. I think there's a deeper reason behind this, and if we could just figure it out, you and I could be happier.
Ray: Come on, you know me. There's not much deepness. I just... I like to be taken care of.
Debra: You gotta understand, Ray, that that's not a wife. That's a mother.
Ray: Well, maybe that's what I want!
Frank: Holy crap!

Quote from Marie in Lucky Suit

Agent Garfield: Mrs. Barone, you seem like an intelligent woman.
Marie: Thank you. Have a cookie.
Agent Garfield: Do you really think that a mother interfering to the extent that you have could possibly help a man get a job with the FBI? There's something else going on.
Marie: He was supposed to retire! He's a year away from not being a police officer. Which means I could stop worrying about him every second of the day. I want him to be safe. Now he wants to go from one dangerous job to another? How long do I have to walk around with a knot in my stomach? Forever? I can't do it anymore. It's too much. But he wants this job. It'll make him happy. And he should be happy. So, yes, he should have this job. Please, give him this job.
Agent Garfield: I can't do that.
Marie: No. No, don't blame him, you can punish me! Put one of those tracking things on my legs so I can't get out of the house. And if you met my husband, you'd know that's punishment enough.

Quote from Marie in Marie's Sculpture

Marie: Raymond, do you see what they see?
Ray: Um... I don't know.
Marie: No, tell me the truth.
Ray: Well... Maybe if I squint a little.
Marie: Oh, my God, I'm a lesbian!

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Quote from Ray in Civil War

Frank: The South's short of a few guys so you're going to have to fight on their side. [Robert chuckles]
Ray: South? Come on, I don't want to fight on the South. I want to be with you guys at this thing.
Harry: A rebel in a Union camp? That is out of the question, soldier.
Ray: I'm not a rebel! Come on, I don't know those guys. I'm going to be all shy.
Harry: Don't make me slap you.
Ray: I'm never going to pass for a Southerner, okay? What if they hear me talk?
Robert: Maybe they'll hang you as a spy.
Harry: Robert, want to give me a hand? I have a cannon in the trunk of my car.
Robert: Sir, yes, sir!
Ray: Wait. Robert, talk to this guy, will you? I don't want to fight for the South. I can't eat grits and say "y'all."
Robert: I like you on the other side. It's more authentic. Brother against brother. [whistles "Battle Hymn of the Republic"]

Quote from Frank in The Sneeze

Robert: Hey, you know, Ma, I'm thinking that since I've been here, my throat's a little scratchy, too.
Marie: Oh, honey, give me your head. You sit down. I'll get you a bowl.
Gianni: [coughs]
Marie: What is it, Gianni? Maybe you'd better have some soup, too.
Gianni: Oh, okay.
Andy: I got hit in the face with the ball today.
Marie: Oh, I have plenty of soup.
Frank: I've had a pain in the ass for the past 45 years. You got any soup for that?

Quote from Marie in Christmas Present

Marie: What is a DVD player?
Ray: Come on, not now, Ma, please.
Marie: Is it for pornography?
Debra: Yes, Marie, I got Ray a porn machine.
Marie: I don't like that, Debra.