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‘Clean for a Day’ Quotes

Modern Family: Clean for a Day

712. Clean for a Day

Aired February 10, 2016

Before she starts her new job as president of Jay's closet company, Claire decides it's time for the family to declutter their house. Unfortunately, Luke and Phil are reluctant to part with anything, while Alex finds a memento from her relationship with Sanjay. Meanwhile, Jay takes up a new hobby as his retirement begins, while Gloria takes a golf lesson so she can spend more time with him.

Quote from Cameron

Gloria: Cam. Why are you calling Jay?
Cameron: Am I? I-I thought I was calling the gardener. I forgot to leave the gate open, so I should probably go let him in. It'd be cruel to make Caesar climb another big fence.


Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Stay with us, Gus. Oh, my god. Those cheekbones. You look like J.F.K. Jr. He looks like J.F.K. Jr.!

Quote from Haley

Haley: Where the hell is Clutterworth?
Luke: On skid row giving our memories to hobos.
Haley: She threw out all my old Vogues. If I don't know the past, I'm doomed to re-wear it.

Quote from Luke

Claire: Have you gotten rid of anything today?
Phil: Yeah, all that.
Claire: That's one sock.
Phil: Oh, my goodness. What in the world were we thinking? [with sock puppet] Hey, gorgeous! Gimme a kiss!
Claire: I do not want Luke's dirty sock anywhere near my mouth.
Luke: It's seen worse.
Phil: No. Oh, no.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: [aside to camera] Look, everybody learns in different ways. My intellectual approach just wasn't right for Gloria, and it probably wasn't right for Lily. It- It's humbling to admit, but I'm just too smart to teach.

Quote from Haley

Haley: Why do I still have to come to these family meetings? I'm an adult.
Alex: She said, emerging from the basement in her pajamas at noon.
Haley: Get off my back. It's Saturday. Right?
Phil: Yeah.

Quote from Claire

Claire: [aside to camera] I created Mrs. Clutterworth when the kids were little as a way to make home organizing fun.
Phil: So fun. Super fun. Maybe a little confusing.
Claire: Why?
Phil: Well, the name is clearly inspired by Mrs. Butterworth, right?
Claire: Mm-hmm.
Phil: Yeah. But somehow she has a British accent.
Claire: Yeah, well, the kids were super into Mary Poppins back then.
Phil: Still missing a step.

Quote from Claire

Claire: We're doing this. [singing in a British accent] Or, more to the point, if there's something that you have and you never, ever use it put it in the bin lose it, lose it, lose it
Haley: Oh, I think you've lost it, lost it, lost it.

Quote from Cameron

Jay: I'm not going golfing. I'm taking my first flying lessons today. I always dreamed of being a pilot.
Cameron: Oh, Jay, that's fantastic, and I- I totally get it. I had a crush on the pilot who flew the crop duster back home. He had big, broad shoulders and a deep, husky voice that, in retrospect, could have been pesticide-related.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] I don't know if Gloria's dreams can predict the future like mine can, but I do know that if something happened to Jay I couldn't live with myself. Of course, I wouldn't have to, because Gloria would kill me.

Quote from Jay

Cameron: You're not gonna want to get in that plane. Gloria had a terrible dream where you fell from a great height and died.
Jay: All right, Gus. Up, up, and away.
Cameron: No, Jay, she seemed pretty upset, and if something were to happen-
Jay: She's always dreaming about me dying. Dede did the same thing. It's typical wife stuff.

Quote from Manny

Joe: Mommy, it sounds like those raccoons are fighting again.
Lily: Fine, I'll stop.
Manny: Hey, what does he know about art? You've seen his drawings. He thinks Jay is shorter than a flower.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Honey, we don't want to give this stuff away. We like it. It's important to us.
Claire: How can it be important to you? You didn't even know it existed until I told you to go through the closet and find it.
Phil: That is beside the point! All of this stuff is packed with meaning!
Claire: Really, Phil? What does this cheap snow globe mean to you?
Phil: We got that at a gas station in Florida.
Claire: The snowman's melted.
Phil: It used to just be funny, but now it's also a poignant statement on global warming.

Quote from Jay

Jay: I don't know what I'm doing.
Cameron: Well, put it on autopilot. Put it on autopilot!
Jay: There is no autopilot. This is a lawnmower with wings.

Quote from Alex

Sanjay: If I could go back in time, which the laws of physics don't disallow, I never would have hurt you.
Alex: Well, if you believe in the multi-verse, there currently exists a bubble of space-time where you didn't.
I wish we were there.
Haley: Oh, my god. Is this geek foreplay? 'Cause I don't understand any of this.

Quote from Haley

Claire: Oh, my god. It's all our old stuff.
Alex: Ah! My first bike!
Luke: My Van Gogh project!
Haley: My first phone! Yes, I'll hold for Lizzie McGuire.

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