Phil: Oh, can you believe it, Claire? Our little girl is growing up.
Claire: Yeah, it seems like just yesterday we were carrying all these boxes downstairs after she got arrested and kicked out of college.
Haley: [chuckles] Ah.
Dylan: Yeah, I've been through a lot, too. I've been a limo driver, a lead singer, a ranch hand, a Dapper Dan at Disneyland, a t-shirt designer, a sign spinner and now a nursing student with a baby on the way. It's all going according to plan.

Phil: Tiny-homes are very trendy these days. And, by the way, it's what I called my short, black best friend in high school.

Phil: Hey, you guys. I packed up some dishes for the new house. I even found your old sippy cup for when the little one comes along.
Haley: Aww.
Dylan: Thanks, Mr. D.
Haley: Thanks, Dad. Is, uh, Mom still in there making that judgy face?
Phil: Haley, you've known her for years. Just call it her face.

Phil: Hey, we got you guys a housewarming gift. It's a decorative pineapple because, uh, pineapples are a symbol of good luck.
Dylan: Thanks, Mr. D. That's way better than our giant cherry. That's just a symbol of a clean toilet.

Phil: [aside to camera] Haley's pregnancy is off to a rough start. Nausea, moodiness, trouble sleeping... Claire's got it all. Me, I'm just trying to keep the peace here in Hormone Town.

Phil: Claire, look at the positive. One of our kids is finally moving out.
Claire: After her pregnancy test, I've had enough positives.
Phil: Kind of reminds me of two other unmarried, pregnant, lovestruck kids who moved in together about... 25 years ago.
Claire: It's not the same.
Phil: I don't know. Acid-wash their jeans and put a dream catcher in Dylan's ear, and it's exactly the same.

Cal: Momma!
Pam: [gasps] There's my little chicken nugget! Ooh, my goodness! I missed you so much. How have you been?
Cal: They read to me every night.
Pam: Aw, don't worry, baby. That's all over now.

Jay: Hey, great news. My Sausage of the Month arrived a day early. You get to be here for the un-boxing.
Gloria: I'm not gonna film it this time.
Jay: Kielbasa, yes! They took my suggestion again.
Gloria: I told you it's not a suggestion. The web page is just asking you to choose one.

Haley: Ta-da!
Dylan: Welcome to 14 and 7/8ths Fletcher Ave.

Claire: It's... It's not a skylight. There's a hole in your roof.
Phil: Cool, I always wanted to learn how to install a skylight. I guess today's the day.
Dylan: Have you also always wanted to move an electrical outlet that's currently in the shower?
Phil: Well, that can't be code.
Dylan: It's not. I'm telling you exactly what's going on.