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‘The Old Wagon’ Quotes

Modern Family: The Old Wagon

201. The Old Wagon

Aired September 22, 2010

Claire finds it harder than she expected to say good bye to their decrepit old station agon. Gloria feels Manny's new study buddy is turning him against her. Meanwhile, Cameron tries to keep Mitchell away from the action when they build a princess castle for Lily.

Quote from Jay

Mitchell: Oh, remember how much fun we had when we built that bookshelf together?
[aside to camera:]
Jay: That was my Vietnam. And I was in Vietnam.

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Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: [aside to camera] My great-great-grandfather helped build the Brooklyn Bridge. I heard that until the day he died, every time he passed it he was filled with such pride. He'd say, "There's a little bit of me in that bridge." I know that I'm not the handiest guy, but I'm still a man. And I want to be able to look out into my yard and say "There's a little bit of me in that princess castle."

Quote from Gloria

Manny: What's wrong?
Gloria: No, nothing.
[aside to camera:]
Gloria: Okay, sue me. I am a Colombian mother. I'm not gonna let him make a mistake that is gonna affect him for the rest of my life. His life.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] Well, you can't be in sales and not remember people's names. That's why I like to use what they call "menimonic" devices or little tricks to help you remember. Um, like the other day, I met this guy named Carl. Now I might forget that name, but he was wearing a Grateful Dead T-shirt. What's a band like the Grateful Dead? Phish. Where do fish live? The ocean. What else lives in the ocean? Coral. Hello, Carl.
Claire: I think it's "mnemonic."
Phil: I- I think I'd remember.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] You know what? You can insult a lot of things about me: My hair, my voice, my balance board exercises. But don't insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don't see it? That's 'cause I just sold it.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Wow, this place has really changed. Time marches on, huh? See that Starbucks down there? You know what that used to be?
Alex: An orange grove?
Phil: No, a Burger King. You can still see some of the architecture.

Quote from Claire

Claire: Honey, why do we keep this car?
Phil: It's a classic.
Claire: No, it just sits here. And the seat belts don't work, the doors stick, it leaks fluids. We haven't put fluids in it in 10 years.
Phil: Well, I'm gonna fix all that. You wait. And then, uh, it's gonna be Haley's car.
Claire: Oh, we're not giving this car to Haley. It's way too easy to fit a mattress in the back.
Phil: Remember?
Claire: Oh, no. We're selling it.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: "While the spray-tanned starlet claims to be six weeks sober sources down under say she has been barhopping like a coked-up kangaroo."
Mitchell: Ah, what's Daddy reading to you?
Cameron: If I have to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar one more time, I will snap.
Mitchell: Oh, it's not that bad-
Cameron: I will snap!

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: So, um, I laid the toolbox outside and all the supplies are ready. And I think we are good to go.
Cameron: Terrific.
Mitchell: Aren't you gonna change into a workingman's outfit?
Cameron: No, I'm good, and I don't think workmen really call 'em "outfits."

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] I am petrified to do this with Mitchell. He built a couple of theater sets in college or something and now he thinks he knows everything about building. Well, he doesn't. Every home improvement project that we've undertaken has been a near-death experience. If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: [aside to camera] In my culture, mothers are very clingy to their sons. In fact, the leading cause of death among Colombian woman is when their sons get married. But I'm not like that. I just want my Manny to be happy.

Quote from Phil

Luke: Hey, Mom, when was this from?
Claire: Oh, that's the year your dad and I went to the Rose Bowl.
Phil: Incredible game.
Claire: Yeah.
Luke: Mom, you look really pretty.
Claire: Thank you, sweetheart.
Luke: So what happened?
Phil: Well, Lukey, everyone gets older. Just 'cause parts of your mom aren't what they used to be, it doesn't mean-
Luke: I mean, what happened in the game?
Phil: We got our butts kicked by Penn State. The parade was awesome though. Angela Lansbury was the grand marshal. Good time, she wrote.

Quote from Phil

Luke: You can do it, Dad.
Phil: Okay. He looked like the drummer from Foreigner. A foreigner's from France. France rhymes with ants. Ants ruin a picnic. [answering phone] What's up, Nick?

Quote from Phil

Phil: Guess what? You said I couldn't sell this? Well, you're gonna be eating humble pie stuffed with crow and a big side of sorry, 'cause I just did. In your face, girl with the negative tattoo.

Quote from Phil

Claire: When I woke up this morning, I hated that car. And even thinking about it made me mad. But then when we were going through it Blankety, all that stuff I just- The thought of that whole part of our life driving away...
Phil: We can keep Blankety.
Claire: No. Look at them. Come on, a minute ago, they were babies. And now they're driving, and soon we'll all be dead.
Phil: Whoa. You're leaving out a few great minutes there. Retirement, old age cool chair that goes up the stairs.

Quote from Cameron

Jay: I'm just sayin' the kid's gotta learn to let things go.
Cameron: Well, this is a touchy subject for Mitchell. He wants to feel like a regular Joe, like you and I. Oh, pardonnez-moi! I prefer the champagne Dijon to the standard yellow. You know, there are a few areas that define us as men like sports and construction. Mitchell just wants to feel like he's part of the man club.
Jay: Isn't that where you guys met?
Cameron: I know you're making a joke because you're uncomfortable, so I'll let it slide. And we met at an orgy.
Jay: Ohh!
Cameron: Come on.

Quote from Cameron

Jay: I just think it's crazy, that's all. So what if he can't swing a hammer? Look at all he has done: law school, great career, providing for his family. That's manly too, isn't it? I mean, the classical sense.
Cameron: Well, yes. I mean, I think it also takes a big man to quit his career as a music teacher and raise a child.
Jay: You're a man too, Cam.
Cameron: Thank you, Jay. Wait! Garnish. We're men, not cavemen.

Quote from Gloria

Manny: Besides, I think there's a girl I'd rather spend time with.
Gloria: Oh, that's so sweet. I'm the luckiest mother in the world.
Manny: [on cell phone] Hey, this is Manny. Is Alicia there?
Gloria: Who's Alicia?
Manny: She's a girl in my history class. We like to play Six Degrees of Sir Francis Bacon.
Gloria: You just tossed a woman aside then immediately you go to the next one?
Manny: No, I just-
Gloria: "I j-j-j-just," what? This is not the way you treat woman! Men are all the same! They break woman's hearts and they don't care! Men are all animals!
Jay: [entering] Hey, honey.
Gloria: Animal!


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