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The Old Wagon

‘The Old Wagon’

Season 2, Episode 1 -  Aired September 22, 2010

Claire finds it harder than she expected to say good bye to their decrepit old station agon. Gloria feels Manny's new study buddy is turning him against her. Meanwhile, Cameron tries to keep Mitchell away from the action when they build a princess castle for Lily.

Quote from Jay

Mitchell: Oh, remember how much fun we had when we built that bookshelf together?
[aside to camera:]
Jay: That was my Vietnam. And I was in Vietnam.


Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: [aside to camera] My great-great-grandfather helped build the Brooklyn Bridge. I heard that until the day he died, every time he passed it he was filled with such pride. He'd say, "There's a little bit of me in that bridge." I know that I'm not the handiest guy, but I'm still a man. And I want to be able to look out into my yard and say "There's a little bit of me in that princess castle."

Quote from Gloria

Manny: What's wrong?
Gloria: No, nothing.
[aside to camera:]
Gloria: Okay, sue me. I am a Colombian mother. I'm not gonna let him make a mistake that is gonna affect him for the rest of my life. His life.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] You know what? You can insult a lot of things about me: My hair, my voice, my balance board exercises. But don't insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don't see it? That's 'cause I just sold it.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] Well, you can't be in sales and not remember people's names. That's why I like to use what they call "menimonic" devices or little tricks to help you remember. Um, like the other day, I met this guy named Carl. Now I might forget that name, but he was wearing a Grateful Dead T-shirt. What's a band like the Grateful Dead? Phish. Where do fish live? The ocean. What else lives in the ocean? Coral. Hello, Carl.
Claire: I think it's "mnemonic."
Phil: I- I think I'd remember.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Wow, this place has really changed. Time marches on, huh? See that Starbucks down there? You know what that used to be?
Alex: An orange grove?
Phil: No, a Burger King. You can still see some of the architecture.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: So, um, I laid the toolbox outside and all the supplies are ready. And I think we are good to go.
Cameron: Terrific.
Mitchell: Aren't you gonna change into a workingman's outfit?
Cameron: No, I'm good, and I don't think workmen really call 'em "outfits."

Quote from Claire

Claire: Honey, why do we keep this car?
Phil: It's a classic.
Claire: No, it just sits here. And the seat belts don't work, the doors stick, it leaks fluids. We haven't put fluids in it in 10 years.
Phil: Well, I'm gonna fix all that. You wait. And then, uh, it's gonna be Haley's car.
Claire: Oh, we're not giving this car to Haley. It's way too easy to fit a mattress in the back.
Phil: Remember?
Claire: Oh, no. We're selling it.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: "While the spray-tanned starlet claims to be six weeks sober sources down under say she has been barhopping like a coked-up kangaroo."
Mitchell: Ah, what's Daddy reading to you?
Cameron: If I have to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar one more time, I will snap.
Mitchell: Oh, it's not that bad-
Cameron: I will snap!

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] I am petrified to do this with Mitchell. He built a couple of theater sets in college or something and now he thinks he knows everything about building. Well, he doesn't. Every home improvement project that we've undertaken has been a near-death experience. If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person.

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