TV Quotes

Brick: Do we have any details about the cause of Aunt Edie's death?
Mike: Just one. She was 96.
Brick: Interesting. Has anyone questioned Helen Riley? She was the perennial runner-up to Aunt Edie in the church pie contest.

Brick: Hey, Mom. Can I interest you in a decorative crock-pot cozy? Now you can leave your crock-pot out where everyone can see and save yourself unwanted embarrassment. It's for the women's club. These glasses are the prize for being their top seller.
Frankie: Let me guess. You're using the cozy money to pay off the peppermint-bark people.
Brick: Exactly.
Frankie: Brick, you're running a Ponzi scheme.
Brick: A Ponzi-what, now?
Frankie: You're using money you don't have to pay off the debt you had before, and now you got to go into even more debt to pay off this debt. It's an endless cycle. You're never gonna catch up.
Brick: Isn't that what you guys do with your credit cards?
Frankie: Well, yeah, but we're gonna die before they catch us.

Sue: Okay, so, what do we do? Dad didn't give us enough drywall to fix a hole this big. He's gonna freak out.
Brick: I'm not gonna lie. It's gonna be really rough for you.
Sue: Me? You're the one who did this.
Brick: Well, you're the older sister who left her little brother to do major home repair on his own. Besides, if Dad flips out, I can just play the quirk card. I shrug, I look confused, throw in a few whoops and whispers, lick something if I have to... I'm off scot-free.
Sue: Oh, my God. You're diabolical.
Brick: I am not diabolical. [whispers] Diabolical. [normal voice] It's so easy. [whispers] It's so easy. [normal voice] Okay, that one wasn't planned.

Frankie: Axl! Darrin told the waiters to sing "Happy Birthday" to Dad.
Axl: Oh, my God. He's killed us all!
Frankie: All right, listen, we got to stop this! Everybody, fan out. Axl, you check the kitchen. Sue, you talk to the hostess. You see anybody carrying a birthday cake, you take them out!
Mike: Hey. Wrong table. Keep moving.
Waiter: Citizen of King's Feast, by decree of the King, I declare it to be the day of birth of noble townsman Mike Heck.
Mike: It's not my B...
Waiters: [sing] Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday, dear Mi-I-ke Happy Birthday to you You take a big breath and blow [Mike snuffs out his candle]
Mike: Who? [Frankie, Axl and Sue point to Darrin]