TV Quotes

Brick: Do we have any details about the cause of Aunt Edie's death?
Mike: Just one. She was 96.
Brick: Interesting. Has anyone questioned Helen Riley? She was the perennial runner-up to Aunt Edie in the church pie contest.

Mike: How you doing balancing the checkbook?
Sue: Well, I must have done it wrong. I have your balance at minus $11.
Mike: No, you did it right. It's us who did it wrong. [Frankie and Mike high-five]

Brick: Hey, Mom. Can I interest you in a decorative crock-pot cozy? Now you can leave your crock-pot out where everyone can see and save yourself unwanted embarrassment. It's for the women's club. These glasses are the prize for being their top seller.
Frankie: Let me guess. You're using the cozy money to pay off the peppermint-bark people.
Brick: Exactly.
Frankie: Brick, you're running a Ponzi scheme.
Brick: A Ponzi-what, now?
Frankie: You're using money you don't have to pay off the debt you had before, and now you got to go into even more debt to pay off this debt. It's an endless cycle. You're never gonna catch up.
Brick: Isn't that what you guys do with your credit cards?
Frankie: Well, yeah, but we're gonna die before they catch us.

Sue: Okay, wait, I knew that Lexie liked Axl, but I didn't know...
Lexie: I'm so sorry. I was going to tell you, but Axl wanted to keep it a secret for just a little bit.
Sue: So... my best friend and my brother... are dating. [crying] I'm not upset. I promise. I'm not upset. I'm happy. But I also want to throw up a little bit. But, you know, a happy throw-up. Like, a good throw-up.

Axl: Hey, look at this... even got room for this guy.
Frankie: Nice. Well, get ready to be exhausted and miserable, 'cause you are so getting a job now.
Axl: Yeah! [chuckles] Um... yeah. Here's the thing, Mom. Uh... [inhales sharply] [groans] This whole time, I was... kind of blaming the suit, but I think the problem might have been me.
Frankie: What?
Axl: Yeah. I don't know. I think I just got kind of overwhelmed in there and kind of froze. I mean, it's a lot. Graduation's coming up, all my friends are getting jobs, and I'm just starting to think it might not happen for me. And why should it? I know nothing. Four years, I've been studying business. I literally have no idea what it is.
Frankie: Axl, let me tell you something... Now, I know this is gonna go against everything you know about me, but... I am not a terrible dental assistant. I actually know what I'm doing now. But in the beginning, I was so overwhelmed. I would try to pass the instruments, and all I would hear Dr. Goodwin say is, [as Goodwin] "No, not that one... that one!" [normal voice] And all I hear the patients say is, "Ow! That's my tongue!"
Axl: Okay, but, like, so, I find someone who's willing to hire me, then I show up on my first day, and... how will I know what I'm supposed to do?!
Frankie: Oh, you won't. But eventually, you'll figure it out. And then you'll have kids, and you'll be out-of-your-mind scared all over again. You know, it's funny, 'cause when you're young, you're never scared, but when you become an adult, you're scared all the time. I think that's how you know you're an adult... even more than carrying a wallet. [Axl puts his arms out for Frankie to hug him] Oh! [chuckles] [squeals]
Axl: Mom. Mom! Not on the suit.

Frankie: [v.o.] Yeah, carpool got off to a bit of a rocky start, but soon we fell into a rhythm. Nancy was the delicious carpool.
Nancy: I hope everyone likes fresh-baked chocolate-chip muffins... and Madagascar 3!
Frankie: [v.o.] Bill was the fun carpool.
Big Mike: Stoplight! You know what that means time for Stoplight car-dance! [all dance as Fat Man AKA The Human Race by Harvey Summers plays on the radio]
Frankie: [v.o.] And I was, well...
Dotty: We're late. I've never, ever been late in my life!
Frankie: You don't know that, Dotty. We're not there yet.
Brick: Mom, you forgot my lunch.
Frankie: Oh, crap! Okay, not a problem. We'll build a lunch. Everybody, get ready. I'm hitting the brakes. So, how'd we do?
Dotty: I found a French fry.
Brick: Ooh. Cough drop.
Ella: Your car is filthy.
Frankie: Yes, well, if I had cleaned it, Brick wouldn't have a lunch, now, would he, Ella?
Brick: I found an orange and half a granola bar. Sweet.
Dotty: We're gonna be late! It's 7:56!
Frankie: Relax, Dotty. We're gonna be fine. Everybody hang on to Dotty's seat belt. It's the only good one.