How I Met Your Mother Quotes

How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother

In 2030, a father tells his children the story of his time in New York City before he met their mother.

Starring: Josh Radnor, Jason Segel, Cobie Smulders, Neil Patrick Harris, Alyson Hannigan, Bob Saget.
Original Run: 2005-2014.

Quote of the Day

Saturday, November 28, 2020

Quote from Mickey in Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap

Marshall: Hey, Mickey. Just hang tight, okay? We'll, we'll work this out.
Mickey: Take your time, amigo. I'm okay as long as I have "Diseases"! The fun's infectious. [laughs]
[Marshall closes the door on Mickey again]

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Popular Quotes

Quote from Barney in How Lily Stole Christmas

Robin: You have to go home and get to bed.
Barney: Oh, Robin, my simple friend from the untamed north, let me tell you about a little thing I like to call mind over body. You see, whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. True story. Yeah, in two minutes, I'm going to pound a sixer of Red Bull, hop in a cab, play a couple of hours of laser tag, maybe get a spray-on tan. It's gonna be legen... Wait for it... [Barney falls asleep]

Quote from Lily in Unfinished

Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: Excuse me?
Lily: When I was a kid, I had a dog named Bean. Whenever he made the face that you're making right now, you just knew he pooped somewhere in the house. Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: I don't know what you're talking about.
Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: There's no poop.
Lily: Where's the poop?

Quote from Barney in How I Met Everyone Else

Barney: There's no way she's above the line on the hot-crazy scale.
Ted: She's not even on the hot-crazy scale. She's just hot.
Robin: Wait, hot-crazy scale?
Barney: Let me illustrate. A girl is allowed to be crazy, as long as she is equally hot. Thus, if she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. If she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. You want the girl to be above this line, also known as the Vicky Mendoza diagonal. This girl I dated, she played jump rope with that line. She'd shave her head, then lose ten pounds. She'd stab me with a fork, then get a boob job. I should give her a call.

Quote Collections

  • Robin and Patrice

    “Robin and Patrice”

    All the times Robin got angry at her colleague Patrice. "Sisters fight, Ted!"

    12 quotes

  • Barney Stinson: Wait for It

    “Barney Stinson: Wait for It”

    Wait for it is one of Barney's many catchphrases, often interjected into "Legendary". At Barney's suggestion, Marshall and Lily's son, Marvin, has the middle name "Wait-for-it".

    16 quotes

  • Barney Stinson: Challenge Accepted

    “Barney Stinson: Challenge Accepted”

    All the times Barney Stinson accepted a ridiculous challenge, usually one which he himself proposed.

    18 quotes

  • Have you met... Ted?

    “Have you met... Ted?”

    Have you met... is a line the gang use to start conversations with potential mates for their friends. It's most commonly used by wingman Barney to introduce Ted to women.

    21 quotes

  • Barney Stinson: Legendary

    “Barney Stinson: Legendary”

    A collection of quotes featuring Barney Stinson's most notable catchphrase, "Legendary!"

    27 quotes

  • Robin Sparkles

    “Robin Sparkles”

    The story of Robin's time as a teen pop star and actress in Canada. As Robin Sparkles, she was known for songs including "Let's Go to the Mall", "Sandcastles in the Sand", and "P.S. I Love You". She also starred in a children's show, "Space Teens", with Alan Thicke.

    21 quotes

  • Barney Stinson: Suit Up

    “Barney Stinson: Suit Up”

    Suit up is Barney's catchphrase to implore his friends to step up their sartorial game to match his.

    16 quotes

  • Songs of How I Met Your Mother

    “Songs of How I Met Your Mother”

    A collection of quotes featuring musical moments from How I Met Your Mother.

    17 quotes

  • Barney Stinson: True Story

    “Barney Stinson: True Story”

    The totally true stories of Barney Stinson.

    14 quotes

  • Barney Stinson and The Karate Kid

    “Barney Stinson and The Karate Kid”

    Barney Stinson is the only one awesome enough to see that the true hero of the Karate Kid movie is Johnny Lawrence (William Zabka) from the Cobra Kai dojo.

    8 quotes

Trending Quotes

Quote from Marshall in The Best Burger in New York

[flashback to eight years earlier:]
[As keys rustle and the lock turns, Marshall waits behind the apartment door with a baseball bat, ready to swing]
Marshall: Oh, thank God it's just you.
Ted: You are being ridiculous. [takes the bat] Tell me, you left the apartment today?
Marshall: Why would I have to leave? I can have anything I want delivered, and New York City cable is awesome. Have you seen this public access show with the old Jewish lady in a bikini? It's... It's disgusting.
Ted: Marshall, you have to get over this paranoia. You are not gonna get mugged.
Marshall: What if I do, Ted. I don't have a switchblade. I don't know how to break-dance and win the begrudging respect of a street gang.

Quote from Barney in The Stinsons

Lily: Wow, Barney, it looks like your mom kept your childhood bedroom just the way you left it.
Marshall: Yeah, that sure is a big poster of The Karate Kid above your bed.
Barney: Hey, Karate Kid's a great movie. It's the story of a hopeful young karate enthusiast whose dreams and moxie take him all the way to the All Valley Karate Championship. Of course, sadly, he loses in the final round to that nerd kid. But he learns an important lesson about gracefully accepting defeat.
Lily: Wait. When you watch The Karate Kid, you actually root for that mean blond boy?
Barney: No, I root for the scrawny loser from New Jersey who barely even knows karate. When I watch The Karate Kid, I root for the karate kid: Johnny Lawrence from the Cobra Kai dojo. Get your head out of your ass, Lily.

Quote from Robin in Old King Clancy

Lily: I'm going to read it. Here we go. "The Frozen Snowshoe, Old King Clancy, Harvey's trays."
Robin: Right?
Lily: I don't know what any of those words mean.
Barney: Is one of those supposed to be a celebrity?
Marshall: Yeah, who the hell is Old King Clancy?
Robin: No, that's not the person, that's the sex act. It's the same as a Sacramento Turtleneck, except with maple syrup.
Marshall: So the celebrity was Harvey Strays?
Robin: No, that's what he collected. Harvey's trays. Yeah, those classic orange trays you get whenever you eat at Harvey's? The restaurant? Oh, come on, you're road tripping down the Trans-Canada Highway, you get a hunger on between Milverton and Wawa, where you gonna strap on a feed bag, huh? Harvey's. Over 12,000 served!
Lily: So the celebrity was...
Robin: The Frozen Snowshoe. Oh, my God! You guys have never heard of The Frozen Snowshoe? He's only the most famous professional wrestler in Canada. I met him after he defeated Reckless Rick Rogers in the Kamloops Memorial Arena back in '02. Classic match.
Lily: So you're saying The Frozen Snowshoe invited you back to his place to look at Harvey's trays, and asked you to do an Old King Clancy?
Robin: Exactly. And I'm serious, you cannot tell anyone.