How I Met Your Mother Quotes

How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother

In 2030, a father tells his children the story of his time in New York City before he met their mother.

Starring: Josh Radnor, Jason Segel, Cobie Smulders, Neil Patrick Harris, Alyson Hannigan, Bob Saget.
Original Run: 2005-2014.

Quote of the Day

Friday, March 5, 2021

Quote from Lily in Belly Full of Turkey

Lily: No, I've decided and I'm keeping my own name.
Marvin Sr.: But Eriksen is a great last name. People know the Eriksen's.
Lily: Oh, sure, in St. Cloud but our kids aren't gonna be growing up in St. Cloud. Right, baby?
Marshall: Why not St. Cloud? I mean, I loved growing up St. Cloud. St. Cloud is a great place to have a childhood.
Lily: Oh, so is New York.
[All the Eriksens laugh]
Lily: What? It is. And we grew up just fine. And we grew to the proper size and then we stopped.

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Popular Quotes

Quote from Lily in Unfinished

Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: Excuse me?
Lily: When I was a kid, I had a dog named Bean. Whenever he made the face that you're making right now, you just knew he pooped somewhere in the house. Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: I don't know what you're talking about.
Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: There's no poop.
Lily: Where's the poop?

Quote from Barney in How Lily Stole Christmas

Robin: You have to go home and get to bed.
Barney: Oh, Robin, my simple friend from the untamed north, let me tell you about a little thing I like to call mind over body. You see, whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. True story. Yeah, in two minutes, I'm going to pound a sixer of Red Bull, hop in a cab, play a couple of hours of laser tag, maybe get a spray-on tan. It's gonna be legen... Wait for it... [Barney falls asleep]

Quote from Barney in How I Met Everyone Else

Barney: There's no way she's above the line on the hot-crazy scale.
Ted: She's not even on the hot-crazy scale. She's just hot.
Robin: Wait, hot-crazy scale?
Barney: Let me illustrate. A girl is allowed to be crazy, as long as she is equally hot. Thus, if she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. If she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. You want the girl to be above this line, also known as the Vicky Mendoza diagonal. This girl I dated, she played jump rope with that line. She'd shave her head, then lose ten pounds. She'd stab me with a fork, then get a boob job. I should give her a call.

Quote Collections

  • Robin and Patrice

    “Robin and Patrice”

    All the times Robin got angry at her colleague Patrice. "Sisters fight, Ted!"

    12 quotes

  • Have you met... Ted?

    “Have you met... Ted?”

    Have you met... is a line the gang use to start conversations with potential mates for their friends. It's most commonly used by wingman Barney to introduce Ted to women.

    21 quotes

  • Barney Stinson: Wait for It

    “Barney Stinson: Wait for It”

    Wait for it is one of Barney's many catchphrases, often interjected into "Legendary". At Barney's suggestion, Marshall and Lily's son, Marvin, has the middle name "Wait-for-it".

    16 quotes

  • Barney Stinson: Challenge Accepted

    “Barney Stinson: Challenge Accepted”

    All the times Barney Stinson accepted a ridiculous challenge, usually one which he himself proposed.

    18 quotes

  • Barney Stinson: Legendary

    “Barney Stinson: Legendary”

    A collection of quotes featuring Barney Stinson's most notable catchphrase, "Legendary!"

    27 quotes

  • Robin Sparkles

    “Robin Sparkles”

    The story of Robin's time as a teen pop star and actress in Canada. As Robin Sparkles, she was known for songs including "Let's Go to the Mall", "Sandcastles in the Sand", and "P.S. I Love You". She also starred in a children's show, "Space Teens", with Alan Thicke.

    21 quotes

  • Barney Stinson: Suit Up

    “Barney Stinson: Suit Up”

    Suit up is Barney's catchphrase to implore his friends to step up their sartorial game to match his.

    16 quotes

  • Songs of How I Met Your Mother

    “Songs of How I Met Your Mother”

    A collection of quotes featuring musical moments from How I Met Your Mother.

    17 quotes

  • Barney Stinson and The Karate Kid

    “Barney Stinson and The Karate Kid”

    Barney Stinson is the only one awesome enough to see that the true hero of the Karate Kid movie is Johnny Lawrence (William Zabka) from the Cobra Kai dojo.

    8 quotes

  • Barney Stinson: True Story

    “Barney Stinson: True Story”

    The totally true stories of Barney Stinson.

    14 quotes

Trending Quotes

Quote from Robin in The Naked Man

Robin: [on the phone] I think that I am more than qualified for the job. My weaknesses? Um, I would say caring too much, working too hard, and putting my career in front of my love life. Whoops, that last one was real. What?!

Quote from Ted in We're Not From Here

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, when you visited New York, there are count of something funny to see and do. And yes Colleen and Lindsay took us to Tater-Skinz.
Colleen: This is our favorite restaurant in the city.
Ted: Yes, I'm sure this is the best of their 57 "spudtacular" East Coast locations.

Quote from Barney in The Stinsons

Lily: Wow, Barney, it looks like your mom kept your childhood bedroom just the way you left it.
Marshall: Yeah, that sure is a big poster of The Karate Kid above your bed.
Barney: Hey, Karate Kid's a great movie. It's the story of a hopeful young karate enthusiast whose dreams and moxie take him all the way to the All Valley Karate Championship. Of course, sadly, he loses in the final round to that nerd kid. But he learns an important lesson about gracefully accepting defeat.
Lily: Wait. When you watch The Karate Kid, you actually root for that mean blond boy?
Barney: No, I root for the scrawny loser from New Jersey who barely even knows karate. When I watch The Karate Kid, I root for the karate kid: Johnny Lawrence from the Cobra Kai dojo. Get your head out of your ass, Lily.