New Girl Quotes

New Girl

New Girl

A quirky teacher, Jess, moves in to a loft with three guys after breaking up with her long-term boyfriend.

Starring: Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, Damon Wayans, Jr., Hannah Simone, Lamorne Morris.
Original Run: 2011-2018.

Quote of the Day

Sunday, January 17, 2021

Quote from Winston in Par 5

Nick: Fine. You know what? You want to do this? You and me are gonna get weird about race? Do your Seinfeld.
Winston: Come... Nick, that's not...
Nick: Do your Seinfeld.
Winston: What's the deal with bananas? I mean, they got orange juice, you got apple juice, where's the banana juice?
Nick: [laughs] I never thought of that.
Winston: Ah, boy.
Nick: 'Cause you got orange juice, you...

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Quote from Nick in Young Adult

Nick: I'm using magnetic words to break through my writer's block, and it's not working. I've already folded all my shirts and masturbated six times, and I'm running out of things to do. I'm just in a real bind. You see, The Pepperwood Chronicles sold over 30 copies, Jess.
Jess: So, what, we're complaining about good things now?
Nick: It's just, my audience is gonna be clamoring for a sequel, and I can't leave those stevedores, those-those tugboat workers, those lighthouse keepers empty-handed.
Jess: You think that your audience is entirely made of, like...
Nick: Blue-collar nautical workers on the coastline of Maine. I don't think that, Jess, I know that.

Quote from Winston in Secrets

Winston: All right, everybody stop! Wherever you are right now, just sit down! Okay, now, Saturday is a day for sleeping, and damn it, you will not take that away from me! You, give her her scarf back. Finders keepers is not a thing. You, get out of my house!
Holly: Who are you?
Winston: Who am I? Who am I? Well, I am Theodore K. Mullins. And Nick is my lover on the down low. Tell her, Nick. Tell her how it really goes down in apartment 4D. Oh, great Negro spiritual, please come down and loose these chains on this woman! Flesh on flesh. When the lights are off, we are all the same.
Nick: Not true.
Winston: Dear lord, help me, Father! Get out of my house. Get out of my house!

Quote from Nick in Basketsball

Nick: Hey, where are you guys getting your photos developed these days? I got these beefcake selfies that I want to dangle in front of Jess, get her engine revved up.
Schmidt: Your phone has a camera, Nick.
Nick: These are sexy, sensual, private pics. I don't want them beamed right into Snowden's pocket. I'm not going through Wikileaks, man. It's not for me. Analog. It's the only thing you can trust.
Winston: You care to elaborate, you know, on this whole analog thing?
Nick: No, here's the reality, you never know what's gonna happen with a phone.
Winston: Right.
Nick: The hinges that hold the flip together, they get loosened over time when... when they get wet. And then once you open it, it's easier for people to go in there and see your passwords and, you know, see your codes. Once the screen breaks, your information's in the Twitterverse, man. And it's all out there for everyone to see, all these little monkey elves, man, all these kids. That's all they do. [sputters] Get your information, man. Bottom line is you can't control your technology. That's what's going on in Japan with all those robots. Not for me, man. That's why I trust a hard copy. Plain and simple.

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Quote from Schmidt in Landline

Schmidt: I'm just excited to add a third number: Home, work and cell. Damn, I'm reachable. I'm definitely gonna mention that in my profile in Business, Man! Magazine.
Nick: Businessman Magazine?
Schmidt: No, no, no. Check that out: Business, Man! Magazine. I've gotten a lot of heat from working on the sponge account. I'm telling you, this is the first step in my quest to becoming a millionaire.

Quote from Schmidt in Goldmine

Cece: It's a boob reduction, Schmidt. Just accept it.
Schmidt: Acceptance is stage five. I'm grieving, Cece. There are five stages of grief. Stage one was denial.
[flashback:]
Schmidt: This is not happening, this is not happening.
Cece: Yes, it is. Yes, it is.
Schmidt: You're not getting a boob reduction.
Cece: Yes, I am.
Schmidt: This is not happening.
Cece: Yes, it is.
[present:]
Schmidt: Stage two was anger.
[flashback:]
Schmidt: Your breasts belong to all of us!
Cece: Okay.
Schmidt: Who are you to decide?!
[present:]
Schmidt: Next will be stage four, depression. And then stage five, acceptance. But right now, I'm firmly planted in stage three, bargaining. Dear God, if you stop Cece's breast reduction...
Cece: Okay.
Schmidt: I'll circumcise Coach.

Quote from Schmidt in Naked

Schmidt: Hey, man.
Nick: Aah!
Schmidt: I'm the only one who hasn't seen it.
Nick: What?
Schmidt: Just the gun.
Nick: No.
Schmidt: Just the roses.
Nick: What?
Schmidt: Just the hub, where it connects.
Nick: Get out.
Schmidt: Fine! I thought we were best friends.
Nick: We are.
Schmidt: Apparently not.
Nick: Best friends don't do this, Schmidt.
Schmidt: They do it all the time.