TV Quotes

Gloria: Because he wasn't even trying.
Manny: I'm sorry, but Spanish just doesn't seem natural to me. I don't like the way it hits my ear.
Gloria: What could be more natural than your mother's tongue in your ear?

Andy: Hey, Mrs. Dunphy. Remember me?
Claire: Andy. Of course. Come on in. You are Joe's babysitter, right?
Andy: Uh, "manny" is what we call ourselves in the child care community. But it's confusing in that house because of their son Manny. So I've been trying to get traction with "bro-pair."

Anne Gibbs: Are you working on this, too?
Cameron: Oh, gosh. No, no. I'm just this one's husband. I'm a High School football coach. Cameron Tucker.
Mitchell: Yes. Oh, God. I'm so embarrassed. Mitchell Pritchett. How are you?
Anne Gibbs: Really? You are an openly gay High School football coach?
Cameron: I know, I know. You hear "football coach," and you expect to meet somebody that screams John Wayne. Meanwhile, the only time I've screamed the duke is when we argue over who's the cutest on "Downton Abbey."

Gavin Sinclair: Nikki, thank God you're here. Peel this orange for me.
Haley: Mr. Sinclair, it's Haley Dunphy. I was supposed to see you for the assistant job. I have been studying your work, and I have to say the looks that you did for New York Fashion Week put you-
Gavin Sinclair: Ah! I'm really too busy right now.
Haley: But I drove all the way down here. We had an appointment!
Gavin Sinclair: Yeah, I looked at your blog. It's a little too cutesy for me. I need someone with edge.
Haley: I have edge.
Gavin Sinclair: You really don't. You are literally the most wide-eyed person I've ever seen. You have the face of a cartoon lamb. Thanks for coming by, though.

Gloria: Do you know how frustrating it is to have to translate everything in my head before I say it? To have people laugh in my face because I'm struggling to find the words? You should try talking in my shoes for one mile!
Jay: I think you meant-
Gloria: I know what I meant to mean. Do you even know how smart I am in Spanish? Of course you don't. For once, it would be nice to speak to someone in my own language in my own home.

Alex: Claire? The words on the page are vibrating, and I can't make them stop. I forgot how to read!

Cameron: Oh my gosh! Is that Anne Gibbs, the lady from channel 12 news?
Mitchell: Oh, my God! It's Anne Gibbs! Oh, I love her!
Cameron: That reaction would've been big if it was Anne Hathaway.

Mitchell: So these homeless people are making a dollar an hour-
Anne Gibbs: Are there a lot of openly gay coaches?
Cameron: Oh, if the adult film industry's to be believed, they all are.

Anne Gibbs: Has anyone ever approached you for a news segment?
Cameron: On me?! Oh, my gosh. No. I don't I don't think I'm interesting enough to do a news segment on. I mean, what would a reporter even say about me? That I'm a High School football coach with an undefeated record who's tackling stereotypes? That on my team, prejudice is considered out of bounds? That we're blitzing bigotry, kicking intolerance, and beating-
Mitchell: Metaphors to death?

Jay: You guys wanna see something really cool?
Manny: Is it behind that old boat?
Jay: This is one of the most famous warships of all time. The "U.S.S. Constitution." Stayed in active duty 84 years. No enemy managed to board her.
Gloria: Ten seconds and she already bored me.