Luke Dunphy Quotes Page 1 of 14

Quote from Slow Down Your Neighbors

Luke: What are you gonna do when he drives by?
Claire: I'm gonna tell him to slow down.
Luke: I think you should drag him out of his car and we all get turns punching him in the stomach until he barfs.
Claire: Honey, I think I'm just gonna turn over his license plate to the police.
Luke: Please. Order a pizza and call the cops. We'll see who gets here first.


Quote from Starry Night

Luke: Why did he paint The Starry Night? Maybe because the sky is beautiful, and everybody likes looking at it, and it reminds us that something's up there watching over all of us- Aliens, who could be here in a second to liquefy us and use us as fuel. So wake up, people. We're next.
Alex: Mom! You better get down here!

Quote from After the Fire

Luke: Will you hurry up?
Manny: I'm saving my strength because if we don't find this helicopter, I'm walking to Canada.
Luke: [scoffs] Hope you like taxes.

Quote from Up All Night

[asides to camera:]
Alex: What's the most irritating thing my parents say to me?
Manny: "That's too much cologne."
Haley: "That's how girls end up dead."
Luke: "Don't talk black to me."
Manny: "It's inappropriate because she's your teacher."
Luke: "How do you even talk black? End words with 'izzle'"?
Alex: [o.s.] It's "talk back," you idiot.
Luke: Oh.

Quote from Hit and Run

Cameron: Okay, let me ask you something. Today, at a stoplight, a guy ran into our car, and then just took off. I wanted to chase after him. Mitchell-
Mitchell: Kept a level head and called the police.
Luke: Pfft. Police. Aren't they too busy winning the war on drugs?

Quote from Australia

Luke: Are you getting this?
Manny: I'm getting the shot. I'm just not getting what you're trying to do.
Luke: We're in Australia, it's on the bottom of the globe, so everyone here but me is upside-down. It's geography.
Jay: It's a good time to tell you I dropped Luke on his head when he was 1.

Quote from Flip Flop

Haley: Okay, so after a quick scan of his Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest, and Instagram, here is what I know.
Luke: Privacy is dead?

Quote from Lifetime Supply

Gloria: That's the problem with Americans. They expect all of us to know their language, but they don't even make the effort to learn ours.
Walt: Win a war sometime. Then we'll start talking like you.
Luke: Ha. So wrong.

Quote from Someone to Watch Over Lily

Phil: But all the girls at work love it when I bring Luke by. Especially that receptionist Heather. Right, buddy?
Luke: She smells amazing.
Claire: Well, honey, you're gonna have to smell Daddy's receptionist some other time.
Luke: Like peaches.
Alex: If you're both going out, who's taking me to cello?
Luke: One time, she gave me a Woody.
Claire: Sweet Je-
Luke: She remembered he's my favorite character from Toy Story.
Claire: She did.

Quote from The Day We Almost Died

Luke: [aside to camera] For many, a near-miss with death is a wake-up call. But when a man misses his own near-miss, he truly sees what he's been missing. No more putting my dreams on hold. Five years ago, I made a bucket list. It was time to start crossing things off.

Quote from Arrested

Lily: What does this do?
Luke: I don't know, but thanks to Obama, you're paying for it.

Quote from Treehouse

Phil: No, don't go! I'm doing this for you!
Luke: Are you, dad? Are you?
[aside to camera:]
Phil: The kid made me think with that one. Who was I really doing this for?
[aside to camera:]
Luke: Sometimes I just say, "Are you, dad? Are you?" because he gets real quiet and doesn't notice when I walk away.

Quote from Hit and Run

Haley: Please. It's really important.
Luke: Look, I'd love to help you out, but I'm not very liquid right now.
[aside to camera:]
Luke: It's in a block of ice. I got the idea when I heard about rich guys with frozen assets. [chuckles] Assets.

Quote from Election Day

Luke: All right. How about this? If you vote for Claire Dunphy, you won't have to pay taxes for the rest of your life.
Alex: Vote for Claire! [hanging up] Luke! What are you doing? You can't say that!
Luke: Oh, like she'd be the first politician to make a promise she can't keep.

Quote from Fulgencio

Luke: [aside to camera] I accidentally called my teacher "mommy." My "friend" Reuben went around and told everyone. "Oh, hey, Reuben, do you remember that class field trip to the zoo when the zebra rushed the fence and you peed your pants?" I didn't tell anyone, not even on the bus ride home when he had to sit next to mom-- Ms. Bockman! Damn it!

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