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‘The Big Game’ Quotes

Modern Family: The Big Game

509. The Big Game

Aired December 4, 2013

Cameron is determined to secure his place in the school's history by winning a record third game in his first season as coach. Meanwhile, Claire is fed up of being treated differently at work because she's the bosses daughter, and Phil tries to keep an optimistic spirit as he goes almost an entire month without selling a house.

Quote from Dylan

Dylan: Haley!
Haley: Hey, Dylan! I didn't realize you were coming here.
Dylan: Are you kidding? This place was like a home to me. It's like I was homeschooled. But I wasn't. I was school-schooled.
Alex: Were you?

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Quote from Dylan

Dylan: Oh, did I ever tell you that I put your name up here? Huh?
Haley: "Haley Dunphy dome." Aww, you named our special spot?
Dylan: Actually it was supposed to be "Haley Dunphy, do me." I'm bad with spacing.
Haley: Oh, you're not so bad.

Quote from Phil

Claire: Are you okay, honey?
Phil: Yeah! It's all about keeping an attitive positude. Positude attitive.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: So, Lily, tell me more about this Patrick.
Lily: He likes the swings, he sits by the flag, and he can count to 100.
Gloria: He sounds like the whole package. Then what is the problem?
Lily: He doesn't notice me.
Gloria: So then make him notice you. You don't want to wake up one morning as a lonely 9-year-old, wondering where all the time went.

Quote from Manny

Manny: [on the phone] Hey, mom. If you're at the store later, could you pick up some ice? I'm gonna need it for after the game.
Jay: My little athlete.
Manny: I want to try out the gelato maker I traded my bike for.
Jay: Lures me in every time.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] Real estate and, to a lesser extent, life is all about perseverance. Things go wrong. Keys get lost, deals fall through, keys get misplaced. Uh, a lot of it has to do with keys. But that's when you find out there are two types of people: those who waste time staring at a closed door and those who find a window. I'm looking at my first month ever without a sale. Some people might give up. But those people aren't Phil Dunphy. It's like I tell my kids: keep a positive attitude and things will fall your way. As my favorite redhead once sang, the sun will come out tomorrow. That redhead, of course, was Mitchell, introducing me to the plucky orphan Annie, whose never-say-die attitude pulled this country out of a little thing called The Great Depression. And anything a little girl can do, I can try to do, too.

Quote from Haley

Haley: Wow, you really are invisible, huh?
Alex: I could not be more fine with it.
Haley: You're like that guy from that movie who wishes he was never born.
Alex: "It's a Wonderful Life."
Haley: You say that, but do you mean it?

Quote from Dylan

Haley: Can we do it earlier? I have a midterm tomorrow.
Dylan: Oh, I can't do earlier. I've got to meet up with some classmates from nursing school.
Haley: You're gonna be a nurse?
Dylan: Yeah, I figured it was a natural next step. I've always healed people with my music, and now I'm just doing the same thing with drugs.
Haley: .Well, ye-- another time, then.
Dylan: Yeah.
Haley: Yeah.
Dylan: Hey, if everything goes well, maybe one day I'll see you in the hospital.
Haley: I'd like that.

Quote from Cameron

Manny: Hey, you think someday they might name this field after you?
Cameron: Well, you're not the first person to think along those lines. Earlier today, someone in the faculty bathroom was messing around with the phrase "Cameron Tucker dome."

Quote from Alex

Phil: have to show a house today, so see you guys at Luke's football game.
Haley: I'm too tired to go. I have a midterm tomorrow, which I'll probably fail and I was up really late studying.
Alex: She was. I was up really late doing this. [drops mouth]

Quote from Phil

Luke: Don't even bother coming. I'm quitting today. I'm sick of this guy on the team always making fun of me.
Phil: He's just jealous because you're the one who puts points on the board. Why? Because you run the scoreboard-
All: Run the scoreboard.

Quote from Alex

Alex: I'm out, too.
Phil: But all your classmates will be there.
Alex: We ignore each other all week. It's nice to have a little break on the weekends.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Geez, I've never seen such a bunch of no-getters.
Luke: Coined it!
Phil: Remember, keep a positive attitude, and good things will happen. Two things I bring to every open house: my lucky pen and a smile. I haven't sold a house all month. Do you see me saying "I'm done"? Never. Because there is no "done" in Dunphy. I'll see you guys at the game. Hey, there is no "umph" in Dunph- Different spelling!

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: [aside to camera] Cam has a number of delightful superstitions during the football season.
Cameron: Well, they're not superstitions when they work.
Mitchell: That seems science-y. Not sorry that today is the last g-a-m-e.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Hey, Miller, your toes are looking a little lonely. Why don't you pay them a visit?
Miller: What's with the extra warm-ups, coach? These guys haven't won all year.
Cameron: Did you hear that, team? Miller just bought you a little present.
Miller: I wasn't complaining. I was just wondering why we have to-
Cameron: Take a lap!
[aside to camera:]
Cameron: Burt Levoisier, Red Stagg, Duckie Pond. All coaching legends at this High School and none have won more than two games their first season. I win today, that makes three, making me the winningest first-year freshman coach ever.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Uh, hey, excuse me, ref. What's with all the black arm bands?
Referee: Their coach passed away last night. He'd been sick for a while.
Manny: That's terrible. And we're still playing?
Cameron: Well, they're tough kids.
Referee: Roger Knight lived for high-school football, so they're playing this one in his honor.
Cameron: Okay, hey, guys! Guys! Guys! Guys! Tragic news about Coach Knight. But you know what? We need to focus up. Plenty of time to pay our respects, but there will be no mourning knight this afternoon.
Referee: Lot of character over there.
Cameron: Yep.
Referee: Those kids haven't won a game all year.
Cameron: Uh-huh.
Referee: And now to have to play on his birthday-
Cameron: Okay, see you at the coin toss.

Quote from Luke

Luke: Beautiful day here at Red Stagg field. Kicking off for the home team is number 44, Jason Miller, who also plays lacrosse, soccer, and all the girl parts when he and his friends act out "High School Musical." Quite possibly the only girl parts he'll ever see.

Quote from Lily

Teacher: Oh, before I call her, we had a small issue today. One of the boys, Patrick, said Lily pushed him down and tried to kiss him.
Gloria: No, that doesn't sound like Lily.
Teacher: She was probably imitating something she saw on TV or in her family.
Gloria: Ay, it was the TV, yes. Oh, but here she is. She's always so sweet.
Lily: Bye, Patrick. [Patrick runs away]
Gloria: You see? They're just friends.
Lily: What are you laughing at, Evan? You're next.
Gloria: Okay, I'm going to talk to her for a little bit.

Quote from Cameron

Luke: And that's halftime. Panthers 6, Dolphins 0. That zero score by Jason Miller, who proudly prances off the field.
Miller: Just let me go up there and kick that kid's butt.
Cameron: Knock it off, Miller. I need your leg. Take a knee. Now, I don't know what tuna net you dolphins swam into, but you are drowning out there!

Quote from Cameron

Manny: Coach, would it really be such a bad thing if we lost?
Cameron: Beg your pardon?
Manny: Look at them, coach. Haven't they lost enough already? Maybe giving them a win would, in a way, be a victory for us, too.
Cameron: Okay, you know what mattered the most to Coach Knight?
Boy: His work with special-needs kids?
Cameron: Okay, he took one kid to one beach one time. Football! Football is what mattered the most! He lived for competition! He believed in sportsmanship, integrity! Okay? Now, the way I see it, we can roll over and give them an empty, meaningless victory that he would hate. Or we can go out there, leave it all on the field, and be a team he would be proud to lose to.

Quote from Jay

Jay: I got you mustard and Sauerkraut, just what you like.
Claire: You're being awfully nice, considering I started that whole closet-nado.
Jay: Well, you're still my daughter. It's okay I call you that here, right?
Claire: Yeah.
Jay: Listen, it's hard for me to treat you like everyone else. You're the only one I carried home in my arms. Except Dontrell, last year's Christmas party. I pretty much poured him through his sunroof. But I'll try.

Quote from Haley

Dylan: Hey, we should see a midnight movie tonight, like old times.
Haley: Oh, my God. I am so in!
Dylan: Cool. Cool. I'll come by your house around 11:30 with the ladder?
Haley: I don't need to climb out of my window anymore, Dylan.

Quote from Claire

Claire: So, I finally get out of the closet, and there's dad looking down at me.
Mitchell: Been there.
Mitchell: The whole daddy thing, though, it's really one of your bigger issues.
Claire: At least my daddy issues are with my actual daddy. I don't run around making every authority figure I meet into a father.

Quote from Mitchell

Claire: Mitchell, come on. Why have you not quit your job yet?
Mitchell: His girlfriend just broke up with him.
Claire: Yeah, and what was your excuse last week?
Mitchell: I had a cold.
Claire: And the week before?
Mitchell: I felt a cold coming on.

Quote from Lily

Lily: You made me in trouble.
Gloria: I didn't tell you to sit on a boy until he liked you.
Lily: Yes-huh.
Gloria: Nuh-huh.
Lily: We're not doing this again.

Quote from Phil

Claire: Oh, honey. What happened to you today?
Phil: A cosmic pummeling. I lost the deal. If I don't close on one tomorrow, it's gonna be my first month ever with no sale.
Claire: Actually, there is no 31st this month.
Phil: What are you talking about?
Claire: Tomorrow's the first. Honey, I'm sorry. Are you okay?
Phil: No, I'm not okay! I just found out there is literally no tomorrow! You know, I always say if you wait long enough, your luck will change? Turns out that's just a big pile of c-

Quote from Phil

Phil: They scored on my play!
Charlie Bingham: Mitchell says you can sell me a house.
Phil: Yes, I can!
Jay: Good call, Phil. Was that your play?!
Phil: Yes, it was!
Gloria: You're being too rough, Lily. You cannot just see a guy and, mwah!, kiss him like that, okay?
Phil: Yes, you can! Yes, you can!

Quote from Haley

Haley: Oh, hey, what's that?
Alex: "Alex Dunphy dome?"
Haley: Uh, I think it says "Alex Dunphy, do me." Ugh, who would write something like that?
Alex: No idea.
Haley: Hey, you want me to scratch it out?
Alex: No! I mean, pfft, too late now. If it's out there, it's out there.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Just sold the most expensive house in town, sight unseen, all cash. How 'bout that?
Haley: I'm proud of you, dad.
Phil: Pretty great day for all the Dunphys.
Alex: [on the phone] And then I said, "Michelle, do you honestly believe every stupid rumor you hear?" Oh, you haven't heard? Well, apparently, one of my exes is just, like...
Claire: [on the phone] Tim, I- I am so sorry that you got hurt, and I will get to the bottom of it, but I suspect it was sabotage by the competition. Maybe Closets, Closets, Closets, Closets.
Luke: [on the phone] Not too bad, a little puffy, kind of like your eyes were when you saw "Finding Nemo," Miller.
Phil: Like I said, positive attitude.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Oh, hey, Luke, Reuben's sick, so I'm gonna need you to be the announcer today.
Luke: How am I supposed to keep score and announce at the same time?
Miller: Same way you're a spaz and a dork at the same time, spork.
Cameron: Okay, lose the attitude, but keep that intensity.


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