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‘Run For Your Wife’ Quotes

Modern Family: Run For Your Wife

106. Run For Your Wife

Aired October 28, 2009

Phil tries to keep Claire occupied with the kids gone for the first day of school. Meanwhile, Jay and Gloria disagree over Manny's choice of clothing. Meanwhile, Mitchell and Cameron worry about Lily after a minor accident.

Quote from Gloria

Manny: Is something wrong? Who's died?
Gloria: No one, Manny.
Jay: Why would you even think that?
Gloria: In Colombia, Manny went to Pablo Escobar Elementary School. If you were pulled out of class, it was definitely to identify a body.

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Quote from Gloria

Gloria: [aside to camera] The poncho by itself is fine. The poncho plus the flute plus the stupid dance, my son will die a virgin.
Jay: That's right.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: I support Manny no matter what. Children need to know that you believe in them. It's the most important thing. If you tell them they have wings, they will believe they can fly.
Jay: Oh, really? I had a buddy went to Woodstock, believed he could fly. Didn't end great. It's why hotel windows don't open anymore.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] I guess I'm somewhat of a shutterbug, um, and my new favorite model, of course, is Lily. I just completed a series of photographs of her dressed as various pop icons. Let's see, I've done, uh, Olivia Newton-John. I've done Madonna, the early years. Stevie Wonder.
Mitchell: Yeah, there are days when Lily has more costume changes than Cher.
Cameron: [gasps] Cher! How could I forget Cher? That's embarrassing.
Mitchell: That's embarrassing?

Quote from Jay

Jay: I'm sorry, but there's only two places anyone should wear a poncho: Niagara falls and log rides.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: [aside to camera] My dad has this perception that I was very flamboyant as a kid, which is just- It's nonsense, because I kept the whole gay thing very under wraps. You know, I was just a guy's guy. I-I was basically a jock. You know?

Quote from Cameron

Dr. Miura: There doesn't seem to be any mark.
Cameron: Well, her head was somewhat protected.
Dr. Miura: Protected? Was she wearing a hat?
Mitchell: Yes, yes. It was like a hat.
Cameron: It was a wig. Actually, sort of a ghetto-fabulous afro thing. I thought it might be medically relevant.
Mitchell: Really? You thought "ghetto-fabulous" might be medically relevant?

Quote from Luke

Luke: I need help. I was supposed to keep a journal all summer. It's due today.
Claire: Wow, first day of school, and you're already behind?
Luke: I'm dead.
Claire: All right, tell me how far you've gotten.
Luke: Okay. "June 21st. Found a stick."
Claire: Mm.
Luke: "June 22nd" That's it.
Claire: That's it?
Luke: It was a really cool stick.
Phil: He's right. It looked like a snake.

Quote from Phil

Claire: [aside to camera]Getting everybody out of the house in the morning can be really tough, especially the first day of school.
Phil: From the minute we get up at 7:00 till we drop them off at school, it is go, go, go.
Claire: I get up at 6:00.
Phil: [chuckles] I get up at 5:00.
Claire: Seriously, I get up at 6:00.
Phil: That's you? I th- I thought we had a raccoon.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Hold on. What are you wearing there? That looks like an old Christmas tree skirt.
Manny: It's a traditional Colombian poncho. I want my new classmates to know I'm proud of my heritage.
Gloria: Si. I think you look very handsome, lindo.
Jay: Oh, really? Am I driving him to school, or is he gonna ride his burro?

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Are you still baby-proofing?
Mitchell: Everything we own is pointy. Why is our daughter dressed like Donna Summer?
Cameron: She is not Donna Summer. Clearly, she's Diana Ross from the RCA years.

Quote from Haley

Alex: A little help here?
Claire: This is why we suggested the violin.
Alex: The cello is more in demand in university orchestras.
Haley: You know what's not in demand?
Alex: Oh, what?
Haley: Girls who play in university orchestras.

Quote from Haley

Claire: Haley, honey, don't forget the driving instructor Is picking you up from school.
Haley: Can't he pick me up someplace else? I don't want kids at school thinking I'm dating a 40-year-old driving instructor who's not even cute.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: The last thing Manny needs on his first day of school is you under-melting his confidence.
Jay: Undermining.
Gloria: Now you're doing it to me, too.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: I got boo-boo bear from the freezer.
Mitchell: Why do you have chocolate on your face?
Cameron: It was under a pie.
Mitchell: So you ate your way to it?
Cameron: I made a judgment call. You weren't there!

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: [on the phone] Hey, hi. Uh, not a big deal, just wondering- When your kids were small, did you ever I don't know, uh, smack their heads into a wall?
Claire: Usually, we just gave time-outs.
Mitchell: No, no. Accidentally. Um, we- We just kind of bonked Lily's head, and she- It really wasn't very hard, and she's not acting any differently, But I just worry.
Claire: Relax. It happens. Luke used to bang his head all the time, and he's fine.
Mitchell: Okay. All right, thank you. Thanks. That helps. Okay, okay. [whispering to Cam] We got to take her to the doctor. Load up the car.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: [aside to camera] Jay's very spontaneous. He's always surprising me with little presents, fun getaways.
Jay: I wasn't the greatest husband the first time around, but I'm trying to do better this time. And maybe by my third marriage, I'll have it down pat. [chuckles] Yeah, that one's gonna cost me.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: Jay, he looks up to you. He respects your opinion.
Jay: We dodged a bullet on this, trust me. I've been down this road before. I remember one time Mitchell decided to wear a jaunty scarf to school. I kept my mouth shut. He got his jaunty butt kicked.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: So, we should crush Manny's spirit and destroy everything that makes him who he is?
Jay: I'm just saying, it's no fun to see your kid get picked on every day, getting tormented just because he's different. Now, I'm telling you, it rips your heart out.
Gloria: Well, Batman doesn't get picked on, and he wears a cape. A poncho is just a cape that goes all the way around.
Jay: Batman doesn't get picked on because he's a muscular genius. Manny can't make it to the top bunk.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: [aside to camera] We used to do this thing in school Where they would give you an egg, and you- You know, you couldn't break it. And it was supposed to teach you how hard it was to be a parent. But the real thing, it's- It's- It's so much harder.
Cameron: We did that in my school, too. It didn't turn out so well. Went through a dozen eggs.
Mitchell: Yeah, well, he's a nervous eater.
Cameron: No, I broke a dozen eggs.
Mitchell: Oh. I'm sorry. I just assumed that-
Cameron: I know. I know what you assumed.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: You'll be pleased to know that Mitchell and I intend on raising Lily with influences from her Asian heritage.
Dr. Miura: That is fantastic. Have you noticed any vomiting since the head bump?
Mitchell: Uh, no. No, no.
Dr. Miura: We've hung some art in her room, some Asian art, and then when she's ready for solid food, there is a fantastic pho place right around the corner from our house. Am I pronouncing that right? Is it "pho"? [fuh] It's a soup.
Dr. Miura: I don't know. I'm from Denver. We don't have a lot of pho there.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: You know what, actually, maybe you should do this.
Cameron: Why?
Mitchell: I-I don't want to bump her head against the door, you know, pinch her with the seat belt.
Cameron: Mitchell, how long are you gonna beat yourself up over one mistake? Is this gonna be like the blonde highlights all over again?

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Oh, Mitchell, I told you not to put the keys in the bag!
Mitchell: Don't freak out. Come on, don't freak out!
Cameron: Lily, it's okay!
Mitchell: [singing] a, b, c, d, e, f, g
Cameron: What, are you singing to her? People get arrested for this, Mitchell!

Quote from Mitchell

Trina: Emergency assistance. This is Trina.
Mitchell: [on the phone] Help! We locked our baby in the car, and people are judging us!
Cameron: I swear to god, I'm gonna break it!
Mitchell: Do not break the window! You'll get glass on her!
Trina: Sir, please tell your wife to relax. Everything is going to be okay.
Mitchell: That's a man.
Trina: Really?

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: Check the door. Check the door, check the door.
Cameron: It's not unlocked! Oh! [panting] Oh. Okay. That is amazing. How did they do that?
Mitchell: I don't know. It's just- We got it. Thank you.
Cameron: Did that come from space?


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