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‘Do Not Push’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Modern Family: Do Not Push

602. Do Not Push

Aired October 1, 2014

Jay and Gloria don't see eye to eye on what kind of wedding anniversary present to give each other. When the Dunphys head to Caltech for Alex's college tour, Claire is pushing hard for her daughter to attend school close to home. Meanwhile, Phil, Luke and Haley learn more about themselves when they sign up for a psychology experiment. Elsewhere, Mitchell and Cameron take a new family portrait with Lily.

Quote from Haley

Phil: Haley, put down the chair.
Haley: Why should I?!
Phil: Because this is getting absurd, and it's no fun being laughed at by a room full of scientists and a monkey in a diaper.
Luke: Yeah! We need to push that button, show those eggheads that we're not sheep!
Haley: No! Breaking the rules doesn't make you a hero! It makes you a screw-up! Take it from me, Luke. One out of a million dropouts becomes Steve Jobs. Do you know who become losers with no jobs? The other 99,000!

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Quote from Luke

Phil: You're right, I set a terrible example for you.
Luke: No! It was awesome! Do you think Steve Jobs followed every rule? Doug Henning?
Phil: Keep talking.
Luke: What about that guy who lived in that town where people weren't allowed to dance? Did Footloose follow the rules?
Phil: His name was Ren, and he most certainly did not.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: Now, easy on the filters, Cam. It's a family picture. We don't need sepia tone.
Cameron: You know what other tone we don't need?
Lily: Play nice.

Quote from Alex

Haley: What's so special? It looks exactly like the college I went to.
Luke: And we've been here exactly as long as you were there.
Phil: Luke, be nice.
Luke: Well, Alex is leaving. Somebody's got to keep the trains running.
Claire: Back me up here, guys. This place screams "Alex," right?
Haley: It looks like every other college in America. What am I missing?
Alex: Good grades, S.A.T. scores, basic verbal skills. That's how you do it.

Quote from Phil

Claire: [aside to camera] Caltech is the perfect school.
Phil: For Claire.
Claire: And Alex! Come on, we are talking about one of the best schools in the country. And, yes, it happens to be 45 minutes from our house.
Phil: Of course, we'll support her wherever she goes.
Claire: Obviously. Nothing is more important to me than her academic whatever, but with Alex, the important thing is keeping her close for the next four years. After that, I'm never gonna see her unless she Skypes me from Neptune, where she's living in a biodome she invented.
Phil: Awesome! That means Christmas on Neptune! [Claire sighs] Every other year?
Claire: No.

Quote from Luke

Luke: But it's so boring. It's like I'm being punished.
Phil: You are being punished. That's what happens when your teacher calls to tell me you cut class.
Luke: I'm sorry. I lost track of time making my movie.
[aside to camera:]
Luke: Hummingbirdman: a superhero whose heart can beat a thousand times a minute, but can it love?

Quote from Phil

Haley: Check it, there's a lab on campus where they do experiments on you for 50 bucks.
Phil: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I used to do a lot of these in college. Sometimes it's questions. Sometimes they hook stuff up to you. Sometimes it's just palling around with a monkey, wondering why they're rewarding him and not you.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: So, daddy and I thought that we would look at these photos together, the pictures that we've taken so far, and see if there's anything that we would do differently. Like, okay, when I look at this photo, I think, "I could stand up straighter." Cam?
Cameron: Okay. I think I could be a little less "Ryan Gosling" and a little more "every man."

Quote from Haley

Haley: Back away from the button!
Phil: What are you doing?
Haley: I've been breaking the rules my entire life, and look where it's gotten me. I live in my parents' basement! I'm sick of being a failure at everything!
Luke: Oh, my God! You're not mad at us. You're mad at yourself.
Haley: That's what I'm saying!

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Why is she doing that with her face?
Mitchell: I don't know. I've never seen such a weird, forced smile.
Lily: How do I look?
Mitchell: Beautiful.
Cameron: Perfect.

Quote from Alex

Claire: Oh, wow. What an amazing campus! I mean, look at these cool buildings. And did you guys see the turtles? And check this out, a reflecting pond.
Alex: Great. Maybe you can see how crazy you're being right now.
Phil: God, I wish I'd brought a frisbee.

Quote from Phil

Luke: Okay. I'm gonna peel off and hit the robotics lab to see how close they are to a working female.
Phil: Hold on. They're not nearly as close as you'd hope, and you're not leaving my side.

Quote from Claire

Haley: Hey, I'd love the 50 bucks, but I'm pretty sure mom wants me here.
Claire: No, I don't. You can go.
Haley: Oh, you can drop the act. I know you guys forced me to come here so I can watch Alex and get all inspired by college again.
Phil: We really didn't.
Claire: Yeah, you just got in the car. I only packed four sandwiches.

Quote from Manny

Jay: Is that Gloria's gift to me? What is it?
Manny: I don't know.
Jay: Sure you do. I can tell by the wrap job. She can't make corners like this, Manny!
Manny: Only because she's always in such a hurry. Is life so busy you can't take 20 minutes to get out the straight-edge and wrap a gift anymore?

Quote from Manny

Jay: Come on. I'm a little anxious about my gift for her. It would make me feel a lot better if I knew she phoned this one in.
Manny: Sorry, Jay. Only time will tell.
Jay: Oh, God. It's that black Panerai watch I wanted, isn't it?!
Manny: Why can't you be this fast when I'm your charades partner?

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: I'm gonna talk to her. I've been photographing her for years. We have a relationship.
Mitchell: Really? What's she like?
Cameron: I mean a professional relationship. Look, I'm gonna tell her- her smile is forced, it's unnatural, and we're not going home until we get what we need.
Mitchell: Couple of things: we are home, and that's mean.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: What's your suggestion?
Mitchell: We show her the photos and let her discover her weird smile on her own.
Cameron: Okay. That's good. I video our football games so I can see what we're doing wrong. That's how I figured out that powder-blue windbreaker washed me out so much.
Mitchell: Oh, thank God. I'm sure the team appreciated that.

Quote from Lily

Mitchell: Lily, is there anything that you see in yourself that you would want to change here?
Lily: Well, maybe we should just do one more?
Mitchell: Really? Okay.
Lily: [pointing to Cam's face] This might need a little powder.

Quote from Jay

Manny: What is it?
Jay: It's a bunny. It used to be my nickname for her. On our first date, she had a cold, and she was sniffling a lot, and her nose would wrinkle up real cute. You know, like a bunny.
Manny: That's so sweet.
Jay: Yeah, but that watch is big and gorgeous and costs big bucks. I can't give her something handmade. I mean, she -- She's not sensitive like you and me.
Manny: Listen to me. I think you went to the jewelry store inside here, and you brought back a gem.
Jay: Knock it off. You think so?
Manny: She's gonna love it. It's perfect.
Jay: Perfect? Nah. But teacher Pablo did say it shows great promise. And I am proud of the tail. Look at that. No, no, I said look.

Quote from Alex

Alex: Okay. You need to calm down. This is a college tour, not Oprah's favorite things.

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