Phil: [knocks] What's the most dangerous type of uranium cake? Yellow!

Phil: [aside to camera] Big day. I'm going to see Alex. I'm, uh I'm a little nervous because she's been pulling away lately. Calls don't get returned. I don't get asked to visit as much. Maybe it's hitting me hard 'cause I never went through that with my dad. After my junior year, we- We rode a tandem bike across Mykonos. Come to think of it, there were lots of fathers and sons there.

Lily: This is boring. Let's go and build a fort in my room. [Lily and friends run off to her bedroom]
Jay: So, what? You're just gonna give up?
Mitchell: You got to know when to surrender.
Jay: No, sir. I'm not losing to the Vietnamese twice in a lifetime. Get up. No man left behind.

Cameron: I'm just saying this is a great opportunity for our sauce.
[aside to camera:]
Gloria: "Our sauce"? All of a sudden, Cam is calling it "our sauce"? I got that recipe from my great aunt who got it from her mother who stole it from a blind maid. How dare he.

Phil: I'm hearing a lot of negatives, but we're overlooking the fact that Feathers can now fetch.
Claire: Honey, she pulled a wet hot dog bun out of the sink, and you said, "get the bun." That doesn't count as fetching.
Haley: Please tell me they're not gonna live here forever.
Luke: You're really not the one to make that argument.
Haley: Oh, like you're not gonna die of natural causes in that bunk bed upstairs.

Gloria: Ay, I'm just saying it wouldn't kill you to break some rules. You're a minor. Take advantage of it.
Manny: I break the rules. I just prefer to be suave, do it with panache and finesse.
Gloria: Ay, those are American shampoos. I know.

[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: I'm hosting a sleepover for Lily's Vietnamese dance troupe. We want her to be more in touch with her heritage, but breaking the ice with the other parents has been a little tough. Cam and I are the only white parents, the only gay parents, the only parents that find us funny.
[flashback:]
Mitchell: Hi. Come on in, Patricia, Ms. Tran. The girls are in Lily's room. Oh, this is a fun coincidence. We actually had a couple trans over for dinner last ni-
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: The hardest nut to crack has been little Patricia Tran's mother. I didn't try her homemade pho at a potluck once, and now she doesn't like me. You could say it was a little bit of a pho pa.

Manny: The team left me out of the end-of-the-season prank.
Jay: You know, that takes me back. We told the school board that Coach Davis was a communist. The man spent a weekend in jail. [chuckles] Simpler times.
Manny: Well, that's better than what these meatheads cooked up. They just parked the principal's car in the middle of the basketball court.
Jay: [laughing] That's not where cars go.

Manny: They just so happen to grow blood peppers at the botanical gardens.
Cameron: Great. Let's go.
Manny: You're adorable. We're talking rare flora in a secure location.
Gloria: Okay, so, then what do we do?
Manny: First, apologize for calling me a goody-goody, because I'm about to lay out a plan so daring that the two of you may not have the guts to follow it.
Gloria: Should I take my knife?
Cameron: I have my baseball bat in my car.
Manny: Okay, we're stealing a pepper, not teaching its family a lesson.

Phil: Domo arigato, Mr. Robotics Lab! What?!