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‘Spread Your Wings’ Quotes

Modern Family: Spread Your Wings

711. Spread Your Wings

Aired January 13, 2016

When Phil visits Alex at college, Claire and the kids take the opportunity to try set the ducks free. Gloria feels Cameron is taking over her sauce business. Meanwhile, Jay helps Mitchell cope as he hosts Lily's dance troupe for a sleepover.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [knocks] What's the most dangerous type of uranium cake? Yellow!

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Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] Big day. I'm going to see Alex. I'm, uh I'm a little nervous because she's been pulling away lately. Calls don't get returned. I don't get asked to visit as much. Maybe it's hitting me hard 'cause I never went through that with my dad. After my junior year, we we rode a tandem bike across Mykonos. Come to think of it, there were lots of fathers and sons there.

Quote from Gloria

Cameron: I'm just saying this is a great opportunity for our sauce.
[aside to camera:]
Gloria: "Our sauce"? All of a sudden, Cam is calling it "our sauce"? I got that recipe from my great aunt who got it from her mother who stole it from a blind maid. How dare he.

Quote from Jay

Lily: This is boring. Let's go and build a fort in my room. [Lily and friends run off to her bedroom]
Jay: So, what? You're just gonna give up?
Mitchell: You got to know when to surrender.
Jay: No, sir. I'm not losing to the Vietnamese twice in a lifetime. Get up. No man left behind.

Quote from Haley

Phil: I'm hearing a lot of negatives, but we're overlooking the fact that Feathers can now fetch.
Claire: Honey, she pulled a wet hot dog bun out of the sink, and you said, "get the bun." That doesn't count as fetching.
Haley: Please tell me they're not gonna live here forever.
Luke: You're really not the one to make that argument.
Haley: Oh, like you're not gonna die of natural causes in that bunk bed upstairs.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Ay, I'm just saying it wouldn't kill you to break some rules. You're a minor. Take advantage of it.
Manny: I break the rules. I just prefer to be suave, do it with panache and finesse.
Gloria: Ay, those are American shampoos. I know.

Quote from Mitchell

[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: I'm hosting a sleepover for Lily's Vietnamese dance troupe. We want her to be more in touch with her heritage, but breaking the ice with the other parents has been a little tough. Cam and I are the only white parents, the only gay parents, the only parents that find us funny.
[flashback:]
Mitchell: Hi. Come on in, Patricia, Ms. Tran. The girls are in Lily's room. Oh, this is a fun coincidence. We actually had a couple trans over for dinner last ni-
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: The hardest nut to crack has been little Patricia Tran's mother. I didn't try her homemade pho at a potluck once, and now she doesn't like me. You could say it was a little bit of a pho pa.

Quote from Jay

Manny: The team left me out of the end-of-the-season prank.
Jay: You know, that takes me back. We told the school board that Coach Davis was a communist. The man spent a weekend in jail. [chuckles] Simpler times.
Manny: Well, that's better than what these meatheads cooked up. They just parked the principal's car in the middle of the basketball court.
Jay: [laughing] That's not where cars go.

Quote from Manny

Manny: They just so happen to grow blood peppers at the botanical gardens.
Cameron: Great. Let's go.
Manny: You're adorable. We're talking rare flora in a secure location.
Gloria: Okay, so, then what do we do?
Manny: First, apologize for calling me a goody-goody, because I'm about to lay out a plan so daring that the two of you may not have the guts to follow it.
Gloria: Should I take my knife?
Cameron: I have my baseball bat in my car.
Manny: Okay, we're stealing a pepper, not teaching its family a lesson.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Domo arigato, Mr. Robotics Lab! What?!

Quote from Jay

Jay: What's this stuff?
Mitchell: Uh, mom, uh, mailed me a bunch of stuff from her garage. She thought I might like a VCR and a bunch of old tapes.
Jay: Sweet of Dede to mail you her garbage. "Jane Fonda Complete Workouts," "It's Not You, It's Him," "Cooking With Chocolate." Pretty much the arc of our whole marriage.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Mitchell?
Lily: [o.s.] In the kitchen, Grandpa!
Jay: Vietnamese girls and a man in makeup. When does Bob Hope take the stage?
Mitchell: Delightful.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Yes, ma'am?
Mitchell: I don't want to be the fun dad anymore. I need to knock these girls out quick. Teach me.
[cut to:]
Jay: Let's go, ladies! Reach to the sky!
Mitchell: How are you better at this than Jane Fonda?
Jay: Mitchell, you can't talk and feel the burn at the same time. Donkey-kick like you mean it, Jennifer.

Quote from Jay

Mitchell: I'm just curious, because this tape was on its way to goodwill, and all of a sudden, you pulled it out of your back pocket.
Jay: I put on a couple of extra pounds, and Jane got me out of a similar situation in the '80s.
Mitchell: Please tell me you were wearing leg warmers.
Jay: Leave me alone.
Jay: We got this, girls. March it out.
Mitchell: Well, for whatever it's worth, Dad, I didn't notice.
Jay: Gloria did. She did that little poke thing to my spare tire. Lily, keep the beat. I hate to admit it, but it bugged the hell out of me. Kim-ly, we're punching and we're stepping. Care to join us? So, I figured I'd do this workout every damn day of the week until I was nothing but abs, buns, and thighs. Work your glutes, Tiffany! This is your problem area.

Quote from Claire

Luke: Why aren't they going anywhere?
Haley: Well, miss thing over there is still getting herself ready. I swear she spent all morning looking at her reflection in the water bowl.
Luke: How about that weirdo? Did you see when he got his bill stuck in his cage yesterday? What a sweet little dope.
Claire: I know. He's lucky his sister is so smart. You know, she figured out how to unlatch the cage and set him free. Oh, my god. Do you guys see what's happening? No. Of course you don't. The reason why your dad is so attached to these ducks is they remind him of you guys. We got to get them home.

Quote from Haley

Luke: What's the point in getting two ducks if we don't have the third one?
Haley: And how are we supposed to find the Alex duck? Wait until New Year's Eve and see which one stays home?

Quote from Cameron

Gloria: This is my family's sauce, and you have already tried to change the recipe, you took a huge order without even asking me. And now this? If I am going to Flavor City, I am going by myself.
Cameron: You're breaking up with me?
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: When I first started dating Cam, his ex-boyfriend gave me a heads up. He said, "Cam's a great guy, but I hope you never have to break up with him." And I said, "Why? Does he get angry, weepy, jealous, despondent?" He said, "Yes."
[back:]
Cameron: [to Gloria] You're breaking up with me? This business was my idea. I got you into the farmers' market. I got you into those baskets. You were nothing but a housewife when I found you. I didn't mean that. I've always admired you. Being a housewife is the hardest job on the planet. You're never not at work. It's just, how did we get to this place? Unless... There's someone else, isn't there? Oh, how could I be so blind? Let me guess somebody with more experience? Somebody Colombian? Well, you're no picnic, either. So, who is it? Hmm? Say something!

Quote from Gloria

Manny: [aside to camera] I've seen my mom break up with a lot of guys. She has this weird power to get them to do all the work. One minute, they're a mess. The next, they're thanking her for the best year of their lives. The last guy helped us move into Jay's house.

Quote from Phil

Phil: I got home early and noticed the six of you had ducked out.
Claire: Well, we know how much you love the ducks, and and we wanted to play with them, too. And we-
Phil: And what, Claire? The craziest thing happened? You turned a hard corner, the cage banged open, one of them hit the sunroof button, and out they flew, leaving us with nothing but an empty- I interrupted you. Go on.
Claire: We have not always loved the ducks, Phil, but I think we're starting to get it.
Haley: Yeah. We want them to stay. We know why you love them.
Phil: Thank you. I always knew it was only a matter of time before these little scamps waddled into your hearts just like they did mine. Now, come on. Help me throw them out the window.


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