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‘Heavy is the Head’ Quotes Page 1 of 4

Modern Family: Heavy is the Head

814. Heavy is the Head

Aired February 22, 2017

Phil and Jay risk being left up a creek without a paddle when their plot of land springs a leak. Cameron is scared to get an MRI scan after a head injury. Meanwhile, Claire is determined to show her employees that she's feeling the pain of budget cuts too. Unfortunately, the same day that Claire announced the cost-cutting, Gloria treats her to a day of lavish luxury in her office.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: No, okay, not happening. I'm having flashbacks. I don't know if I ever told you this, but when I was kid, I fell into a well.
Mitchell & Cameron: [together] It happened the same day as baby Jessica, but she got all the press.
Cameron: It still stings. Everybody loves a baby, but not one single prayer for a husky teen who's stuck head-first in a well for the better part of an hour.

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Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: Or you could just get your head checked so we don't lose you over some stupid fear.
Cameron: Do you know what I went through in that well on October 14, 1987, while the whole world was focused on that media whore Jessica?
Mitchell: She was a baby, but yeah.
Cameron: It was hell. And I would not have survived if those firemen wouldn't have figured out a way to lower my little Aunt Edna into that well and touch my feet and tell me it was gonna be okay and that I wasn't alone.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Breathe it in, girls. My journey begins today. Finally bringing something into this world I can be proud of.
[aside to camera:]
Phil: As children, the Wright Brothers dreamed of flying machines. Oprah dreamed of hiding presents under chairs. And I dreamed of building something magnificent. Well, recently, Jay and I bought a vacant lot on which we are building Dunphy Tower. What I wouldn't give to reach back in time to tell the 15-year-old dreamer who drew this, "We did it, kid."

Quote from Haley

Haley: Thank you for meeting with me.
Manny: I came as fast as I could.
[aside to camera:]
Haley: I lied to my boyfriend. Everybody does it at the beginning of a relationship. "Oh, I love jazz." "It's sexy when a man cries." "Your daughter is so sweet." Me I told Rainer I love his favorite show, "Game of Thrones," so now he's taking me to Comic-Con. I don't love "Game of Thrones." I've never even seen "Game of Thrones." And for the record, his daughter is kind of a monster.

Quote from Alex

Alex: Oops, I accidentally made my favorite drink. Thanks for the tip.
Mason: I've been working here for five years. Didn't get this far by being stupid.
Gillian: I'm thinking about having a little party at my place tonight. You down, A-Dogg?
Alex: If "down" means attending and "A-Dogg" means Alex, then yes.
[aside to camera:]
Alex: I thought I'd quit the coffee shop when I went back to school, but I'm kind of loving it. Plus, it taught me something important. If you pretend to be who people want you to be, you can have as many friends as you want. God, I would love another crack at high school.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: What are you scared? Huh? You're chicken?
Cameron: Yeah, and I thought I made that clear in there when I peed a little.
Mitchell: Fine, you just go ahead and die. And I'll raise Lily by myself, and she will never step foot in another farm or circus.
Cameron: I will haunt you.

Quote from Phil

Phil: I'm sorry. I dreamt too big.
Jay: It's not your fault. I'm the one who believed in you.
Phil: You're also the one who overplayed his hand.
Jay: We've already established mistakes were made. We need to be thinking about next steps.
Phil: Maybe we need to build something smaller, like a cool restaurant or something.
Jay: I've thought about that. Who's gonna come down here? There's nowhere to park.
Phil: Oh, my God, that's it a parking lot.
Jay: That's not bad. We could build it for nothing and pay off the majority of the loan by tomorrow.
Phil: [flame whooses] Let's talk about this somewhere else.
[aside to camera:]
Phil: Maybe 15-year-old Phil had it right. Sometimes you have to look at your dream from a different angle. I guess it was a parking lot all along.

Quote from Lily

Lily: If it makes you feel any better, I didn't do anything, either.
Mitchell: No, that doesn't make me feel better. You're supposed to be learning from this.
Lily: I learned a new swear word.
Cameron: Uh, um, I got a splinter. It was worth it.

Quote from Claire

Claire: [aside to camera] I have to be very delicate with Gloria around my birthday. Last year, for some insane reason, she got me this gift certificate for ridiculous salsa-dancing lessons. Like I'm ever gonna use that. Come on. Anyway, somehow, she's convinced herself I didn't "appreciate" her gifts. You know. [scoffs] Some people.

Quote from Gloria

Claire: So, tomorrow at work might be a little bit hectic. Just a lot of stuff going on at the office. And it's not that I don't want to do it, 'cause I do.
Gloria: No, Claire, let's not do this dance again. We all know how you feel about dancing.

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