Malcolm in the Middle Quotes

Malcolm in the Middle

Malcolm in the Middle

As if coping with his dysfunctional family wasn't difficult enough for boy genius Malcolm, his social life is turned upside down when he's sent to the gifted class at school. At home, Malcolm battles with his no-nonsense mother, Lois. Malcolm's father, Hal, is a loving dad who's stuck in a dead-end corporate job. Malcolm is at turns getting into trouble or on the receiving end of it from his cruel older brother, Reese. Both Malcolm and Reese are fond of tormenting their curious younger brother, Dewey. And of course Malcolm's favorite brother, Francis, was sent off to military school.

Starring: Frankie Muniz, Jane Kaczmarek, Bryan Cranston, Christopher Kennedy Masterson, Justin Berfield, Erik Per Sullivan, Craig Lamar Traylor, David Anthony Higgins.
Recurring Actors: Emy Coligado, Cloris Leachman, Gary Anthony Williams, Daniel von Bargen, Chris Eigeman, Kenneth Mars, Meagen Fay, Evan Matthew Cohen, Kyle Sullivan, Tania Raymonde, Hayden Panettiere.
Original Run: 2000-2006.

Popular Quotes

Quote from Hal in Blackout

Hal: I have Kobe beef.
Reese: No way.
Hal: Yes!
Reese: That's like $60 an ounce.
Hal: I know. I won it in a Minesweeper tournament at work. Years of practicing eight hours a day has finally paid off.

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Quote from Lois in Graduation

Lois: That doesn't matter. What does matter is you'll be the only person in that position who will ever give a crap about people like us. We've been getting the short end of the stick for thousands of years, and I, for one, am sick of it. Now, you are going to be president, mister, and that's the end of it.
Malcolm: Did it ever occur to you that I could have taken this job, gotten really rich and then bought my way into being president?
Lois: Of course it did. We decided against it.
Malcolm: What?!
Lois: Because then you wouldn't be a good president. You wouldn't have suffered enough.
Malcolm: I've been suffering all my life.
Lois: I'm sorry, it's not enough. You know what it's like to be poor, and you know what it's like to work hard. Now you're going to learn what it's like to sweep floors and bust your ass and accomplish twice as much as all the kids around you. And it won't mean anything because they will still look down on you. And you will want so much for them to like you, and they just won't. And it'll break your heart. And that'll make your heart bigger and open your eyes and finally you will realize that there's more to life than proving you're the smartest person in the world. I'm sorry, Malcolm, but you don't get the easy path. You don't get to just have fun and be rich and live the life of luxury.
Hal: That's Dewey.
Dewey: Really?
Malcolm: This is unbelievable. You actually expect me to be president. No, no, I'm sorry. You expect me to be one of the greatest presidents in the history of the United States.
Lois: You look me in the eye and you tell me you can't do it.

Quote from Lois in Graduation

Malcolm: You know what? I'm glad! This is appropriate. Now my life looks exactly how I feel. How could you screw me over like that?
Lois: Because you were going to take that job, and we are not going to let you throw your life away.
Malcolm: How is being rich throwing my life away?!
Lois: Because it's not the life you're supposed to have! The life you're supposed to have is you go to Harvard, and you earn every fellowship and internship they have. You graduate first in your class, and you start working in public service, either district attorney or running some foundation, and then you become governor of a mid-sized state, and then you become president.
Malcolm: What?!
Lois: Of the United States.
Malcolm: Dad?
Hal: I'm sorry, son. It's true.
Francis: I thought you knew.
Hal: Our expectations started out much smaller, but you just kept upping the ante.

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Quote from Stevie in Shame

Kevin: Hey, look at the goulash boy.
Malcolm: Get away from me, Kevin.
Kevin: Ooh, "get away from me, Kevin." He's so sad that he doesn't have pizza and I do.
Malcolm: I said get away.
Stevie: [removes glasses] Chill... man. I got... your back.
Kevin: What are you looking at, Kenar-butt?
Stevie: Light... some shadows.

Quote from Lois in Block Party

Malcolm: Enjoy it?! Doesn't anyone besides me get it? The whole neighborhood hates us. So much that they throw a giant celebration just because we're gone.
Lois: Malcolm, that's not news. I'm just surprised they're so organized.
Malcolm: It doesn't bother you that everyone despises us?
Lois: No. These people need somebody to be mad at. Having us to hate gives the whole neighborhood something to bond over.
Hal: Your mother's right, son. Communities seek out a common enemy. If it wasn't us, they'd all team up against someone else. Probably a minority.
Lois: Malcolm, you can't spend your whole life worrying about what people think about you. They'll like you, they'll hate you, they'll think whatever they want to think, and then you die.
Malcolm: Is that supposed to cheer me up?
Lois: I don't know why you need cheering up. You are a teenage boy with a block party right outside his door. Now, you can stay in here and sulk if you want to, but your father and I are gonna go have a good time.
Hal: Come on, honey. Oh, my God, it's a lawnmower parade.

Quote from Lois in Reese's Apartment

Malcolm: This football player wants to use an essay I wrote for his college application and pretend it's his own. I know it's dishonest, but I might be making too much of it. I wanted to get your advice.
Lois: You're hoping I can help you.
Malcolm: Yeah, I just said that. So, I don't think he should get into college under false pretenses, but are they really false pretenses if nobody thinks he's smart anyway? I don't want to be a part of his cheating, but I also don't want to take away his shot at going to college. I just don't know what to do.
Lois: You're uncertain... what action to take.
Malcolm: Yes! Why are you talking like a robot?
Lois: You want to know why I'm... talking like a robot.
Malcolm: I have a problem, and I need your help! All you're doing is mindlessly parroting back what I say!
Lois: You say one thing, and I restate it.
Malcolm: Forget it! If you're not going to help me, you don't have to mock me! [exits]
Lois: [to herself] We do not come from a family of criminals. You do not let him turn in that essay! [sighs] God, I knew listening to our kids would be a mistake.