Malcolm in the Middle Quotes

Malcolm in the Middle

Malcolm in the Middle

As if coping with his dysfunctional family wasn't difficult enough for boy genius Malcolm, his social life is turned upside down when he's sent to the gifted class at school. At home, Malcolm battles with his no-nonsense mother, Lois. Malcolm's father, Hal, is a loving dad who's stuck in a dead-end corporate job. Malcolm is at turns getting into trouble or on the receiving end of it from his cruel older brother, Reese. Both Malcolm and Reese are fond of tormenting their curious younger brother, Dewey. And of course Malcolm's favorite brother, Francis, was sent off to military school.

Starring: Frankie Muniz, Jane Kaczmarek, Bryan Cranston, Christopher Kennedy Masterson, Justin Berfield, Erik Per Sullivan, Craig Lamar Traylor, David Anthony Higgins.
Recurring Actors: Emy Coligado, Cloris Leachman, Gary Anthony Williams, Daniel von Bargen, Chris Eigeman, Kenneth Mars, Meagen Fay, Evan Matthew Cohen, Kyle Sullivan, Tania Raymonde, Hayden Panettiere.
Original Run: 2000-2006.

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Quote from Lois in Reese Drives

Lois: Just let me talk to him and I can end this in five minutes!
Police Officer: I'm sorry, ma'am, I don't think that's a good idea. We have trained psychologists to handle kids in these situations. We know how they think.
Lois: Think?! My son doesn't think! He's just driving around in circles. He's made three laps around the city already!
Hal: There's our dry-cleaner again.

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Quote from Hal in Blackout

Hal: I have Kobe beef.
Reese: No way.
Hal: Yes!
Reese: That's like $60 an ounce.
Hal: I know. I won it in a Minesweeper tournament at work. Years of practicing eight hours a day has finally paid off.

Quote from Lois in Graduation

Lois: That doesn't matter. What does matter is you'll be the only person in that position who will ever give a crap about people like us. We've been getting the short end of the stick for thousands of years, and I, for one, am sick of it. Now, you are going to be president, mister, and that's the end of it.
Malcolm: Did it ever occur to you that I could have taken this job, gotten really rich and then bought my way into being president?
Lois: Of course it did. We decided against it.
Malcolm: What?!
Lois: Because then you wouldn't be a good president. You wouldn't have suffered enough.
Malcolm: I've been suffering all my life.
Lois: I'm sorry, it's not enough. You know what it's like to be poor, and you know what it's like to work hard. Now you're going to learn what it's like to sweep floors and bust your ass and accomplish twice as much as all the kids around you. And it won't mean anything because they will still look down on you. And you will want so much for them to like you, and they just won't. And it'll break your heart. And that'll make your heart bigger and open your eyes and finally you will realize that there's more to life than proving you're the smartest person in the world. I'm sorry, Malcolm, but you don't get the easy path. You don't get to just have fun and be rich and live the life of luxury.
Hal: That's Dewey.
Dewey: Really?
Malcolm: This is unbelievable. You actually expect me to be president. No, no, I'm sorry. You expect me to be one of the greatest presidents in the history of the United States.
Lois: You look me in the eye and you tell me you can't do it.

Quote from Lois in Graduation

Malcolm: You know what? I'm glad! This is appropriate. Now my life looks exactly how I feel. How could you screw me over like that?
Lois: Because you were going to take that job, and we are not going to let you throw your life away.
Malcolm: How is being rich throwing my life away?!
Lois: Because it's not the life you're supposed to have! The life you're supposed to have is you go to Harvard, and you earn every fellowship and internship they have. You graduate first in your class, and you start working in public service, either district attorney or running some foundation, and then you become governor of a mid-sized state, and then you become president.
Malcolm: What?!
Lois: Of the United States.
Malcolm: Dad?
Hal: I'm sorry, son. It's true.
Francis: I thought you knew.
Hal: Our expectations started out much smaller, but you just kept upping the ante.

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Quote from Hal in Rollerskates

Hal: Malcolm, where have you been? You got to get in on this.
Malcolm: Dad... I want skating lessons.
Hal: Son, do you know, once you start there's no going back?
Malcolm: I know.
Hal: This means total commitment. Once you begin the path, there is no leaving the path. Are you sure you're ready for that? I mean really ready?
Malcolm: I-I guess so.
Hal: Neat. We'll start tomorrow. Come on, dig in before they harden.

Quote from Reese in Reese Drives

Jackie: Reese, that was amazing!
Reese: [gets out of the car] Listen, when the kids at school ask you about this, tell them I got under your bra. [Reese is tackled by police officers]

Quote from Lois in Malcolm's Job

Malcolm: So I broke down the boxes right next to the Dumpster and saved so much time I was able to sweep out the stock room and do a whole week's worth of returns.
Lois: That's great. Sounds like you had a good first day.
Albert: [enters] So, what part of "box-flattening area" don't you understand?
Malcolm: Huh?
Albert: You were seen flattening boxes outside of the designated box-flattening area. I thought I made myself clear. Why even have a box-flattening area if you don't flatten the boxes there?
Malcolm: But it only took me 20 minutes, so I was able to... Mom.
Lois: Albert, I'm sorry. I'll write him up.
Malcolm: What? But you just said that...
Lois: You're supposed to do as you're told.