Modern Family - Jay Quote #1000
Waitress: Can I get you anything?
Jay: You know what a Reuben is?
Jay: No, you don't. This is a Reuben. You grill the bread and the corned beef separately. Now, I said "corned beef." There's no vodka in a martini. There's no pastrami in a Reuben. You put 'em together. Then you have 'kraut, Swiss, Russian. Axis, neutral, Ally. That's how you remember.
Waitress: Got it. Rodrigo! Number siete!
Quote from Lily
Cameron: Pameron Tucker, you outdid yourself on these biscuits and gravy. They are so tasty, they make you want to slap your mama. Am I right, Mitchell?
Mitchell: Sure. If that's a thing, why not?
Pam: Bless your hearts.
Lily: [Southern accent] I'm fuller than a dog tick.
Mitchell: Hey, just because they do it...
Quote from Andy
Haley: Okay, well, we can start at this western place where I know the bartender. If you hang back, I can get us free drinks all night.
Andy: It won't look weird, you ordering two drinks every time you go up?
Andy: Then let's turn this mother out.
Haley: [weak chuckle]
[aside to camera:]
Andy: I got pretty lucky pulling that expression out of my fanny. I'm not usually so quick with party talk, but I've always had this fear that Haley would think I couldn't keep up with her, so I just tried to survive the night and not barf on my dad's old church shirt.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: All right. As much as I'd love to leave this alone, I learned something tonight that I feel like I-I need to share with you. You deserve the best in life. So if the time isn't right, then move on. Second best, it's... It's never enough. You'll do much better, baby, on your own. Baby. On your own.
Quote from The Bicycle Thief
Jay: [aside to camera] The key to being a good dad? Look, sometimes things work out just the way you want. Sometimes they don't. You got to hang in there. Because when all is said and done, 90% of being a dad is just showin' up.
Quote from Kids These Days
Jay: I hate losing to a team with a Viking mascot. Hey, you died out and became Swedes! Hip-hip-hooray for socialism and seasonal depression!
Quote from Bringing Up Baby
Cameron: It's a French Canadian delicacy called poutine.
Jay: Mm. Well, it looks like vomit, so I'm not pou-ting it in my mouth.