TV Quotes

Chandler: Do I look fat?
Both: No.
Chandler: Okay. I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean I was calling her a cow.
Rachel: Okay, walk us through it, honey. Walk us through it.
Chandler: Okay. Janice said, "Hi. Do I look fat today?" And I looked at her-
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You looked at her? You never look. You just answer. It's like a reflex.
"Do I look fat?" "No."
"Is she prettier than I am?" "No."
"Does size matter?"
Rachel: "No."
Ross: And it works both ways.

Rachel: And hey, just so you know. It's not that common. It doesn't happen to every guy. And it is a big deal!
Chandler: I knew it!

Joey: Where is the waitress? I'm starving.
Chandler: It's a buffet, man.
Joey: Oh, here's where I win all my money back!

Phoebe: Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler. Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! Oh! Oh! Oh! Chandler and Monica! Chandler and Monica!
Rachel: Oh, my God!
Phoebe: Chandler and Monica!
Rachel: Oh, my God!
Phoebe: Oh, my eyes! My eyes!

Rachel: The nights are the hardest. But then the day comes and that's every bit as hard as the night. And then the night comes again...
Monica: The days and nights are hard, I get it. Look, Rachel, I'm sorry. I have to start getting ready. I'm getting married today.
Rachel: I know. At dusk. That's such a hard time for me.

Phoebe: I brought you some housewarming gifts. Salt, so your life always has flavor. Bread, so you never go hungry. And a scented candle for the bathroom. Because, well, you know.

Chandler: Joey? Come on, think about it. First of all, he'll never be President. I mean, there's never going to be a President Joey.
Joey: All right, look, man, I didn't want to bring this up. But Chandler is the stupidest name I've ever heard in my life. It's not a name. It's barely even a word, okay? It's kind of like chandelier, but it's not. All right, it's a stupid, stupid, non-name.