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41Quotes from ‘Go Bullfrogs!’

Modern Family: Go Bullfrogs!

306. Go Bullfrogs!

Aired October 19, 2011

 

As Phil takes Haley on a tour of his alma mater, Claire looks forward to a wild night out with Mitchell and Cameron. Meanwhile, Gloria worries Manny is in need of "the talk", while Jay becomes obsessed with a Colombian soap opera.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] Gloria's always saying we should do more stuff together. So I agreed to watch this crazy Colombian soap opera she loves.
Gloria: "Fuego y hielo."
Jay: Which apparently, is Spanish for "big hair and yelling."
Gloria: "Fire and ice." It's about human suffering. I relate to it.
Jay: I'm just saying, the guy's a judge. He can put a shirt on.

Quote from Phil

Claire: [aside to camera] Phil is taking Haley to visit his Alma Mater.
Phil: Loved college.
Claire: Mm, we were hoping some of that enthusiasm rubs off on her. Go, bullfrogs!
Phil: Dogs. Bulldogs. I feel like you do that on purpose.
Claire: No, it's just I say "bull, " and I can't remember if it's frogs or dogs.
Phil: When I talk to my old friends from college, do we croak or do we bark?

Quote from Claire

Holly: Hey, Claire, listen. Uh, if you want, some of the moms are gonna stay and watch "Gone with the wind" in my new screening room. I got Pinot!
Claire: I would love to, but I'm not feeling that great, so I'm probably just gonna go home and rest. Plus I've seen that movie.
[aside to camera:]
Claire: No, I never saw "Gone with the Wind," but I have two kids at sleepovers, and Haley's out of town with Phil. That means I have one night to myself, which happens once every... never. I am not spending it with some gossipy mom who was mean to me in High School. I need a fun night out.

Quote from Claire

Claire: What the hell is this? No. I asked you guys for a fun night out. Not this. I-I-I need music and dancing and secondhand smoke.
Cameron: Oh, please give this place a chance. It's a great value. The room is so cozy, and the potpies are to die for.
Claire: Are you really comfortable with what you just said? Come on. What happened to the party people who took me to a rave, and I got to wear a tube top, and I stuffed cash in a caged go-go boy's speedo?
Mitchell: We're still party people.
Cameron: Oh, Joanne, before I forget, can I get a punch? One away from a free potpie.
Claire: If that was your gay card, it would be revoked.

Quote from Claire

Claire: All right, there's, like, a thousand people waiting for wine. I wanna try on a couple of dresses, and then Julian here's gonna take us to a club across town.
Cameron: I think we're gonna go home.
Claire: What? Why? It's 9:30.
Mitchell: It's 9:30?!
Claire: When did you two become such old women? First, you take me to that senior center for porridge, and now you can't even stay up past Luke's bedtime?
Cameron: It's Friday. We get tired on Fridays.
Mitchell: We get very tired.
Claire: I have 3 children. I've been tired since 2005.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: I bet it's a birthday gift for me.
Jay: Yeah, that sounds right. What's he saying? I've never seen him this mad.
Gloria: Wait a minute. I already found my birthday gift underneath his bed. It's a giant hat. When did hats came back anyway?

Quote from Jay

Jay: Now she's reaching under the poncho. Like she's gonna shoot Reinaldo. He's the main character, right?
Gloria: That's it. I'm going up there.
Jay: Wait, Gloria. No. Don't go.
Gloria: Why not?
Jay: Think about it. Thirteen-year-old boy talks about girls all day long. We have more security on these computers than the Pentagon. What do you think he's doing up there alone?
Gloria: Do you think he ordered some movies?
Jay: Movies, magazines, whatever the hell.
Gloria: How dare do you say that, Jay?! He's a little boy! He's just a boy.

Quote from Longinus

Cameron: [answering phone] Hey, Longe. Don't be mad at us for leaving.
Longinus: I went back to our spot, and everybody was gone. Who does that to a sister?!
Mitchell: We're sorry, but the sitter called, and, uh, Lily was running a fever. So we feel even worse about dumping Claire on you and your hot date.
Cameron: Who is gorgeous, by the way. Seems super funny, too. Perfect for you.
Longinus: Please, I wish that was a date. He's my trainer, and he's straight.
Cameron: What?
Longinus: Julian's straight.
Cameron: Oh, I love it when a straight person and a gay person go out together.
Longinus: I'd love it a lot more if he was gay.

Quote from Phil

Haley: What the hell?
Phil: We are leaving.
Haley: I'm having a nice time with-
Phil: With this clown? And by the way, it's a little cliche to pick someone who looks exactly like your dad. I got your number, Pi Chi. I know you.
Haley: Yeah, you do. This is Ben Ford. He's in my class. He's visiting, too.
Ben: You were my T-ball coach. My dad's your doctor. He's right over there.
Haley: What is wrong with you? Are you trying to ruin college for me before I even get here?
Phil: No, I-I'm not. I am so sorry. You are not a clown. You were an excellent backup shortstop. Alecia. Bruce. Go, bullfrogs Dogs! Go, bulldogs.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [on the phone] Wow. Really? No, it's just a shock, is all.
Gloria: Jay?
Jay: So Celia's carrying the judge's baby. No wonder she shot him. She's hormonal.
Gloria: Who are you talking to?
Jay: The housekeeper. Maria, I've gotta go. Thanks a lot.

Quote from Haley

Phil: Please? Please, just listen to me for one second.
Haley: Go away! Stop following me!
Officer: Hey, you wanna tell me why you're bothering this young lady?
Phil: Oh, no, no, no, no. Officer, this is my daughter. Tell him.
Haley: Tonight, I don't know who you are.
Phil: She's she's joking. I'm not dangerous. In fact, I-I-I helped to put all the lights on this path. Twenty years ago, some friends and I took back the night. I-I think I just- I embarrassed her a little.
Haley: "A little"? That sweatshirt embarrasses me "a little."
Officer: Yep, that's a daughter.

Quote from Phil

Haley: Tonight was insane. Why did you have to act like that?
Phil: You were at that party. I see you talking to frat boys, and-
Haley: Isn't that why we're here, so I can experience college? I mean, what are you gonna do when I actually go?
Phil: I don't know. Freak out, I think. Look your whole life, my job has been to protect you. A job I kind of love. Now I feel like I'm being forced into early retirement. I just needed to find you and make sure you were okay, for as long as I still get to do that.
Haley: It's just like you- Piss me off and then say something sweet. I'm not leaving until the fall.
Phil: Maybe by then I can figure out how to put a force field around you. I've been working on that one since the first time I tried to fasten you into your car seat. I pinched your chunky little thigh.
Haley: Aw. Even though you basically just called me fat.

Quote from Jay

Jay: We all struggle with limitations Some we're willing to accept. And some we're not. It's never too late to grow in life. "Thanks to our patented lengthenator, you can increase your height by up to 4 inches."
Gloria: I can't believe he would spend $50 on this thing.
Jay: I know. He could've got a 2-year subscription to "Playboy" for that.
Gloria: He's not getting the "Playboy" ever! He's a little boy!

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Wouldn't it be great if we woke up tomorrow and our car had found its way home?
Mitchell: Yeah, I feel that's not the way it's gonna happen.
Cameron: Happened on the farm one time. A tornado scooped up one of our calves, dropped it who knows where. Six months later, a full-grown cow comes walking up the driveway same markings, same moo. That night, we-
Mitchell: We ate like kings.
Cameron: Okay, I've told it before. Oh, my gosh! It's our car!
Guy: I see you've met my wife.

Quote from Phil

Phil: There she is! The old library. Had some late nights in there. Some of them I even spent studying. Don't tell your mom.
Haley: And maybe don't tell me.
Phil: [high five] College!
Haley: He was shielding his eyes from the sun.
Phil: Knew it when I hit it.

Quote from Haley

Phil: No way! Haley, no way! Check it out! After a few beers, my buds and I would jump on these lunch trays and race down this same hill. Hop on.
Haley: I don't want to to hop on.
Phil: Seriously, you'll get the giggles.
Haley: I don't want the giggles.

Quote from Manny

Gloria: Manny, who is this Bella girl, and why is her name all over your notebook?
Manny: Bella's no girl, mom. She has recently blossomed, like a purple lilac in April.
Gloria: What do you mean, she blossom? Like, the poo-berty?
Manny: Yep. [doorbell rings] I'll get it.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: I don't like this. Manny has never kept a secret from me.
Jay: Don't worry about it.
Gloria: What do you think it could be?
Jay: Well, right now I'm a little worried it could be the rest of my evening.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: Okay, well, Longinus did invite us to a boutique opening, you know, cocktails, DJ. But it'll it'll be a whole scene, though.
Claire: A scene? A scene is perfect. That's great. I will get in the car before you guys change your mind. Come on. Let's go. Let's go.
Cameron: So does that mean no potpies?
Mitchell: Uh, hey, Joanne? Two number nines to go.

Quote from Phil

Phil: You wanna go with them, don't you?
Haley: No, we're doing our thing.
Phil: Yeah, quick. Before they leave.
Haley: Are you sure?
Phil: Go. I can handle it. You're not the first girl to leave me at this table with a plateful of chicken wings. I'm kidding! I wish I was kidding. You weren't supposed to hear that. Have fun.

Quote from Claire

Claire: Nose job. [all drink]
Longinus: Butt lift. Last summer, that thing was 4 inches off the ground.
Claire: What do they do with all the butt they take out?
[A woman with ample cleavage walks by]
Julian: I have a theory. [all laugh]

Quote from Longinus

Longinus: Oh, damn! Here comes my ex.
Cameron: Who? Randolph?
Mitchell: Marcus?
Cameron: Lamichael?
Longinus: No. Matt. I gotta go.
Claire: Drama. Love it! This is what I wanted.

Quote from Cameron

Julian: More bubbly, Claire?
Claire: Mm, I will be after I get a drink. See, that's what gay is supposed to be like.
Mitchell: Okay, I don't know about you, but I got about five minutes of fabulous left in me.
Cameron: Yeah, in my mind, I'm already in our kitchen. I'm watching my potpie rotate in the microwave.
Mitchell: Okay. Okay. When did hats come back?
Cameron: That one's come back about eight times. Pick a side of the room, lady.

Quote from Jay

Jay: This is ridiculous. She's obviously got a pistol under that poncho. How do you watch this stuff?
Gloria: He's been up there for more than one hour. I can't stand this.
Jay: Who's been up there? Reinaldo's doing the dishes right in front of her.
Gloria: Manny, in his bedroom.
Jay: Gloria, are you even watching this? I'm doing this for you.
Gloria: What does he has in that box that he cannot show to me?
Jay: Little boys are supposed to keep secrets from their mothers. Wait. The judge just peeked through the window. Is he interested in Celia now? She could be his daughter.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: I don't want to talk to you. I'm gonna take a walk.
Jay: Gloria, come on. Come back. I know you're not mad at me. You just- [gun shot on TV] Oh! What'd she do? Reinaldo!

Quote from Phil

Phil: Oh, wang chung! Pay up, gentlemen! Oh, yes! Thank you! Really? That's so nice. Another pitcher, my good woman.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] Claire would have killed me if she'd known that I let Haley go off alone while I chilled in a bar with some undergrads, but I happen to trust my daughter. Also, I was tracking her location with the GPS on her phone.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: Oh, my God. This isn't our car.
Cameron: What?
Mitchell: This isn't our Prius! They they must've given us the wrong one at the valet. That's why the Bluetooth isn't working.
Cameron: We stole a car? Are you serious?
Longinus: [on the phone] What's happening?
Cameron: Oh, we stole a car. Uh, we gotta go.
Mitchell: Okay, we did not steal a car, Cam. It was given to us.
Cameron: Why are you giving me attitude? You're the one that stole a car.
Mitchell: How is this a stolen car?! How?!
Cameron: I don't know! I'm confused! Do you have an aspirin?
Mitchell: This isn't my car!

Quote from Claire

Claire: Do you mind swinging by my kid's sleepover? I gotta give him this retainer. It's on the way to the club.
Julian: Sure, no problem.
Claire: You are so sweet. Holy pythons, Batman. Do you ever leave the gym?
Julian: Uh, no. Actually, I'm a trainer and a masseur.
Claire: Oh, my God. I'm gonna have to try out that second one. Zip, please.
Julian: I gotta say, this night is turning out to be a lot more fun than I expected.
Claire: I've got two kids at sleepovers and one upstate with daddy. The fun is just beginning.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: Unbelievable. The valet gave our car away to someone, like, and hour and a half ago.
Cameron: You know what that means. Our potpies could be anywhere by now.
Mitchell: They probably went home. If if we knew their address, maybe we could see if our car was there.
Cameron: Oh, yeah. And how do you propose we do that?
Satnav: Calculating route home.
Cameron: Oh, you're good. Oh, and look. Only .6 miles away.
Satnav: Prepare to turn right in 500 feet.
Mitchell: Notice how she didn't wait until after the turn to tell me, Cam?
Cameron: Really? This? Now?

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: Oh, look. They went to see Jay-Z. We almost went to see Jay-Z, didn't we?
Mitchell: No, no, no, 'cause remember it started at 8:30.
Cameron: Oh, yeah, which meant he wouldn't have gone on until 10:00.
Mitchell: And then that parking nightmare.
Cameron: Oh, and those stairs.
Mitchell: Okay, I'm hearing it now. Is Claire right? Are we in a rut?
Cameron: Well, we might be, especially compared to these people. Look at this. Cancun luggage tickets. A parking pass to Yosemite. A triathlon bib. This is living.
Mitchell: No, but you know what? We have Lily, okay?
Cameron: I know.
Mitchell: You can't do that with a child.
Cameron: They have a car seat.
Mitchell: Okay, fine, we're in a rut.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: You know, maybe we just need to be around more stimulating people.
Cameron: Well, we're gonna be in about 900 feet.
Mitchell: It's not the craziest idea. They seem like fun people.
Cameron: Yeah, and maybe we can be new couples friends with them. You know, we can go out to concerts, try exciting new food, maybe do some luxury camping.
Mitchell: Yeah, hitch our wagon to their star and see how fast they spice up our life.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: No, no, back up. Back up I said.
Mitchell: I'm trying! We are in a rut!
Cameron: Really? You wanna talk about that right now?
Mitchell: No, we are stuck! We're in an actual rut. We're stuck. Ohh! Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
Cameron: We are victims of a hate crime right now! Go! Go!

Quote from Phil

Haley: Dad, what are you doing here?
Phil: What's this, buddy.
Ben: Ginger ale.
Phil: Oh, really? 'Cause is smells- Okay, it smells like ginger ale. But that doesn't prove anything.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Jay, I need you to talk to Manny.
Jay: What?
Gloria: Well, if he's doing what you think he's doing, then he needs to talk to a man. I don't want him to be ashamed of anything.
Jay: Then you don't want to send me in there.
Gloria: Yeah, but what if if he has questions? What if he doesn't know how to -
Jay: Gloria, Gloria, whatever he's going through, he can work it out himself.
Manny: [o.s.] Help! I'm stuck!
Gloria: Ay, no, Jay, go. I beg of you! Go! Go! Go!
Jay: Gloria. I'm extremely reluctant to do this.

Quote from Gloria

Jay: He was hanging from that bar up there.
Gloria: What? Why? What do you have on your head?
Jay: It's a weighted helmet to stretch me so I can get taller.
Gloria: Manny! Why do you have to get tall now?
Manny: Love, mom. Why else? I lost Bella to Durkus because, in her words, "He's tall." Everybody else is getting taller but me. You think it's the coffee?
Gloria: No. Maybe. But but hanging downside up is not gonna help you.
Manny: The web site said it would.
Gloria: Listen, Manny, you're already intelligent and beautiful and funny. If you get tall, you're going to have everything, and those poor boys are not gonna have anything to compete with you.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Ah, jeez. You know, when I was your age, I started working out to get the girls.
Manny: You think that would help?
Jay: Yeah. So tomorrow, we start working out. Okay? Maybe I'll even show you a few pull-ups on, uh, this bad boy here, huh? [pulls the bar from the wall] You see that? Pretty soon, that's how strong you're gonna be.

Quote from Claire

Claire: I could, but I don't want to ruin it for you.
Holly: Claire. Just tell us.
Claire: Um, Scarlett is really mad at Clark Gable because, um, he says so many bad things. And didn't he, um, burn down a farm or something?

Quote from Claire

Julian: Hello. This is totally inappropriate. But could I use your bathroom? Sorry. You kept pushing the drinks. I-
Claire: Friend. Gay friend. Gay.
Julian: I'm not gay.
Claire: Yes, you are.
Julian: I-I'm not gay. I'm- I'm French. You thought I was gay?
Claire: Are you serious right now?
Julian: Well, are you? You've been throwing yourself at me all night.
Claire: No, no. No, I have not.
Holly: Bethenny, grab the Pinot.

Quote from Claire

Julian: You undressed in front of me. You squeezed my arm. You asked me for a massage. What was all that?
Claire: That was that was me safely objectifying a gay person.
Holly: Wow, Claire! When I wrote "don't ever change" in your yearbook, I didn't mean it like this.
Claire: Oh, ease up, Holly. Okay, I lied. I lied, but I get one night to myself, and I just wanted to spend it with some fun gay people. It's not my fault this one decided to be straight.
Julian: I've always been straight.
Claire: Oh, you don't get to talk! I took fashion advice from you! Oh, my God. Do I even look good in this dress? No. Not you. It's really short, isn't it?
Holly: It's short.
Claire: Yeah.

Quote from Claire

Mitchell: Okay, you know what, Claire? You're being a little High School you.
Claire: I am sorry, Mitchell, but I get one free night, and I can't spend it at a place that is a proud supporter of Wilson Elementary.
Cameron: We all need to give back, Claire.
Claire: Give me back my night.


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