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Season 5, Episode 20 - Aired April 23, 2014

The whole family heads down under when Phil follows his mom's wish for him to return to the country where he was conceived. Unfortunately, Phil is in for a rough ridge as he tries to embrace all Australia has to offer. Meanwhile, Jay and Claire let work interrupt their vacation, and Mitchell and Cameron run into an old friend who's made it big on Australian TV.

Quote from Luke

Luke: Are you getting this?
Manny: I'm getting the shot. I'm just not getting what you're trying to do.
Luke: We're in Australia, it's on the bottom of the globe, so everyone here but me is upside-down. It's geography.
Jay: It's a good time to tell you I dropped Luke on his head when he was 1.


Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] I come from the land down under.
Claire: He doesn't.
Phil: I was conceived in Australia on my parents' honeymoon. It was a romantic summer night - their summer - on a blanket in the park. I still have that blanket.
Claire: Phil's mom left us money for a trip there, and when the rest of the family, they all just jumped on board.
Phil: My mom's grandfather was Australian, and she'd spend her summers - their winters - visiting him. It was a very special place for her. She always wanted me to see it.
Claire: Wait you still have that blanket?
Phil: Yeah, silly. It's the one on our bed.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] Claire took the lead on her first project at the company and scored a big one. Best part is, she beat out that arrogant gasbag Earl Norton over at Closets, Closets, Closets, Closets. I wish I could see the look on his stupid face, face, face, face. [laughs]

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: I think this spiritual journey of yours is a wonderful thing. I think it's gonna make you feel closer to your mother.
Phil: I hope so. I miss her. It's the biggest reason I came here to connect. Is that weird?
Gloria: Not at all. I talk to my late grandmother all the time. She would have loved this place. I wonder if she's here with me now. No, she doesn't like to fly.

Quote from Jay

Phil: You sure you don't want some of this vegemite, Gloria? You don't know what you're missing.
Gloria: Ay, I don't eat anything unless I know what's in it.
Jay: I've seen this woman scarf down a pig's nose.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: [aside to camera] Back in the day, we knew this guy from Australia.
Cameron: New Zealand.
Mitchell: Same thing. He didn't have a lot of friends, and we felt sorry for him, but the truth is, he was kind of annoying.
Cameron: He was one of those guys that was always on. Big relief when his visa ran out. Anyway, through no fault of my own-
Mitchell: Wait, no, wait you announced on Facebook that we were going to Australia, which is where he lives.
Cameron: Fergus invited us to lunch. I couldn't say no.
Mitchell: I could have said no.
Cameron: Which is why you have twelve friends on Facebook.

Quote from Manny

Claire: So, what's first?
Gloria: I think Manny wants to see the opera house.
Manny: Actually, it was a long flight. I was thinking maybe just hang out on Bondi Beach.
Luke: That's a great idea, Manny.
[aside to camera:]
Manny: Bondi Beach is topless.
Luke: Thank you, tripadvisor.

Quote from Gloria

Phil: Let's get this aussie party started!
Claire: Oh, my God. What's wrong with your mouth?
Gloria: Ay! Your lips are huge! I think you're allergic to the ve-he-mi-te.
Phil: No worries.
Jay: I'd be a little worried.

Quote from Haley

Alex: Why weren't you all over that? He's totally gorgeous.
Haley: This country's number-one export is hot surfers. I'm not gonna buy the first one I see. I'm still browsing.

Quote from Lily

Lily: Ooh! Kangaroos! I'm going to buy one.
Haley: Lily, what did I just say?
Lily: I don't know. Something about shoes, probably?
Haley: Your Dad gave you enough money for one souvenir. Don't buy the first thing you see. You'll regret it your whole trip.
Lily: You're right. I have enough regret.

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