Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Send Out the Clowns’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Modern Family: Send Out the Clowns

318. Send Out the Clowns

Aired March 14, 2012

Cameron reunites with his former clown partner, Lewis, at the funeral service for their beloved mentor. A notorious real estate poacher tries to pull a listing out from under Phil's feet. Meanwhile, Jay and Gloria are puzzled when a popular kid is suddenly friends with Manny.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] This week, the world lost a great man, and I lost a mentor. For nearly 60 years, Professor Ringmaster Al Uzielli helped young hopefuls like me find their clown persona.
Mitchell: "Professor Ringmaster"?
Cameron: It's a very prestigious title at Clown College. One step below Piemaster General.

Rate

Quote from Gloria

Jay: Kids are looking for role models. Why do you think Fonzie was so popular?
Gloria: He told people that they were rich, but really took their money with his scheme?
Jay: No, that's a- Yes. Those people were victims of a Fonzie scheme.

Quote from Manny

[montage:]
Manny: Salutations, Wyatt. I'm so glad you're joining me for an afternoon of mirth.
Manny: Ah, good evening, Reuben-San. May I ask you to remove your shoes? Tonight, we are going Japanese.
Manny: Ah! Hebalaboo ridabeley lai mubay rumboo. I invented a new language this morning.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] For several years, I was one half of the renowned clown duo Fizbo & Lewis. We were huge.
Mitchell: In children's parties.
Cameron: Anyway, I disbanded the group shortly after I met Mitchell. It's hard to have a relationship and a clown career. That's the reason there are so many single clowns.
Mitchell: Just one of the reasons.
Cameron: Anyway, um, Lewis hasn't spoken to me since. He's still bitter, and I don't blame him. It's kind of like I broke up the Beatles.
Mitchell: Of children's parties.

Quote from Manny

Manny: [doorbell rings] I got it!
Jay: [o.s.] Remember, pal, keep it simple.
Griffin: Hey, Manny.
Manny: Griffin! Legendary creature of Greek mythology with the head of a lion and wings of an eagle. What'd you say, Jay?
Jay: Never mind.

Quote from Luke

Claire: Hey, how come you guys haven't accepted my friend requests?
Haley: I didn't know you were on Facebook.
Alex: Yeah. You said it was only for teenagers and people looking to have affairs.
Claire: Well, I figured if you can't fight it- Not the having the affair. That's still bad. No. Not that, but there's nothing wrong with catching up with a few old friends, right? Or doing a little social networking with my B.F.F.s?
Luke: Social networking or social not-working?

Quote from Jay

Manny: Hey, mom? Is it okay if I have a friend come over tomorrow?
Gloria: Who? Reuben? Or the nervous one that gets the nosebleed?
Manny: It's Griffin Cooper.
Jay: Griffin Cooper?
[aside to camera:]
Jay: Griffin Cooper is, by far, the coolest kid in Manny's grade. He's a terrific athlete, he's confident. Manny's a great kid, sure, but he's not exactly cool. He can't even open a door cool.

Quote from Phil

Mitzi Roth: Hey, Dunphy. You gettin' ready for your one-woman show?
Phil: Mitzi.
[aside to camera:]
Phil: Mitzi Roth. A notorious poacher in the world of high-end residential real estate. We call her the "Nightmare on Elm Street". Because she sold a lot of houses on Elm Street.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: Well, what do you see in that guy, Cam?
Cameron: Oh, I don't know. Maybe the fact that he doesn't roll his eyes every time I talk about the art of clowning. Like that. He may have had his faults, but we were great together. We had an unspoken language. We finished each other's balloon animals.But you would never know, because you have never been to one of our performances.
Mitchell: Birthday parties.
Cameron: You hate my clown side.
Mitchell: No. No. No. I don't hate it.
Cameron: Just admit it. I basically already know you do.
Mitchell: Okay. Okay. Cards on the table. It's not my favorite thing that you-
Cameron: Oh, how dare you? I am a clown. It's who I am! If you squeeze me, do I not honk? Eye roll!
Mitchell: Oh, like I had a choice!

Quote from Gloria

Manny: Hey, mom. Guess what? Griffin invited us all over to his house for a pool party and barbecue tonight.
Jay: Pool party, huh?
Manny: Yeah, and he said bring your swimsuits. He was pretty adamant about it.
Jay: It's 50 degrees outside.
Gloria: Sounds fun.
Manny: Great. I'll call him.
Jay: You know, you're basically agreeing to a date with a 13-year-old boy.
Gloria: Jay, we use this go get us tables at restaurants, why can't we use this to get Manny a friend?

Quote from Manny

Manny: Are you kidding? It's fantastic!
Jay: How is it fantastic?
Manny: I'm only hanging out with him because I have the hots for his sister Chloe. You've met Griffin. The kid's a doorknob.
Gloria: So you're just using him?
Manny: Yeah, and I felt really guilty about it until now. Now it's a win-win.
Gloria: Not for me!
Manny: Just suck it up, mom. I've done a lot for you over the years. Jay, you, too. This girl could be the one. Then I'm out of your hair forever. Pool party, mom. Dress accordingly.

Quote from Luke

Luke: Can you help me reach that box of cereal? Hey. You're Mitzi Roth. I recognize you from your ads.
Mitzi Roth: Smokin', right?
Luke: I'm Luke Dunphy. My dad's Phil Dunphy.
Mitzi Roth: I'm sorry.
Luke: Why do you hate him so much?
Mitzi Roth: It's just business, kid. It's not personal.
Luke: Well, it's personal to us. I've never seen my dad so worried before. I have this spy pen, and I heard him talking to my mom, and he's scared about paying for my sister's college next year. And I guess he's nervous about some kind of party, because he said there's a big balloon payment. Anyways, he's like the best dad ever, so maybe you could be a little nicer to him.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Mitzi.
Mitzi Roth: Your kid forgot his cereal. There's a surprise in every box. Spoiler alert: it's diabetes.

Quote from Haley

Claire: Oh! You know what we gotta do? We gotta get a picture of us all together on a boat. I think that's a thing now. So what do you say? Accept my friend thingy.
Alex: Sorry, mom, I-I didn't get a friend thingy from you.
Haley: Yeah, you know, they have a lot of blocks on there to protect kids from weirdos.

Quote from Haley

Haley: [aside to camera] We got her request the first time, but ignored it. I can't have her on there snooping around seeing what I'm doing at parties.
Alex: Or posting pictures of us on family vacations wearing old, dorky clothes. [off Haley's look] What? What's wrong with this?

Quote from Luke

Luke: Dad, check it out. I made one giant Oreo.
Phil: Luke, what are you doing? You gotta eat it like it's an ear of corn.
Luke: Genius.

Quote from Haley

Phil: Kids, gather 'round. It's time for a life lesson.
Haley: Aren't we already gathered?
Phil: Let me tell you something. Hard work, determination, and perseverance always win out. I am living proof that nice guys can finish first.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] Today I have a chance to get the biggest listing of my career.
Claire: Oh, I have never seen this man so focused.
Phil: I'm like a boxer before the big fight. That's why I didn't have sex with Claire last night. Sorry, honey.
Claire: Mm. It's--it's okay.
Phil: But as soon as I get this listing-- Ding!
Claire: Let's just stop. Stop.

Quote from Manny

Jay: When did you guys become buddies? Was it a football game in the yard? You made a great catch?
Manny: No, that didn't happen. But the librarian told me one day I'll be a great catch.

Quote from Cameron

Lewis: What do you say we hit a bar? Tip a few back to Al, huh?
Chuckleberry: I heard you were in jail.
Lewis: Yeah? I heard you're still doing that lame giant scissors bit, you blue-haired hack.

Page 2 

 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode