Claire Dunphy Quotes Page 1 of 54

Quote from The Closet Case

Claire: [aside to camera] That was the moment I realized Phil wanted me to kick Dylan out so he could be the cool one. Well, I can be cool, too. I'm cooler than cool. I'm frigid.

Quote from Slow Down Your Neighbors

Claire: Shame.
Haley: "Slow down your neighbors"?
Claire: No. "Slow down," talking to the speeder. Who's talking to the speeder? "Your neighbors."
Luke: It doesn't say that.
Haley: Yeah, it just says, "Slow down your neighbors."
Claire: Phil.
Phil: I know what you were going for but now all I can see is "Slow down your neighbors."
Claire: Well, you're all wrong, 'cause this is incredibly clear.

Quote from Pilot

Claire: [aside to camera] I was out of control growing up. There, you know, I said it. I just don't want my kids to make the same bad mistakes I made. If Hayley never wakes up on a beach in Florida, half-naked I've done my job.
Phil: Our job.
Claire: Right. I've done our job.

Quote from Thunk in the Trunk

Claire: [aside to camera] The best part about taking over my dad's company: I am now a powerful white male, and I love it. I totally get now why we don't want anyone else to have what we have.

Quote from Suddenly, Last Summer

Claire: [v.o.] Soldiers talk about that moment when they shut off, when the war finally wins. For me, that moment is four days into summer vacation.

Quote from Patriot Games

Nina: May the best child win.
Phil: Oh, she will. Consider this moment gauntleted. Is that a word?
Claire: Hold your head up like it is. Vocabulary is mostly a matter of confidence.

Quote from Two Monkeys and a Panda

Claire: [aside to camera] More than anything I want my girls to stop fighting and be close. I want them to share clothes and do each ether's hair and gossip about boys like I used to do with Mitchell.

Quote from Coal Digger

Claire: [aside to camera] If I say something everybody's thinking, does that make me a mean person? Or does it make me a brave person? One who is courageous enough to stand up and say something behind someone's back to a 10-year old?

Quote from Princess Party

Haley: It's so unfair! You told me I could go!
Claire: I told you you could go if you got a "B" on your history exam, which you didn't.
Haley: I have a learning disability. The letters jump around on the page and appear backwards.
Claire: Honey, we had you tested, like, six times. Trust me, I was praying for dyslexia.

Quote from American Skyper

Alex: I want you to go to Europe with me.
Claire: What?
Alex: Yeah. We'll have a great time cafes, museums. Plus, Europe is not safe for teenage girls. You've seen Taken. Could you imagine Dad getting that phone call?
Claire: What is his particular set of skills? Juggling?

Quote from Double Click

Claire: Honey, there's no one there.
Phil: There was. I saw girl bumps and hair.
Claire: It was probably just his Chewbacca doll.
Phil: It's not a doll. It's a plush action figure.
Claire: Well, as long as he's sleeping with that thing, it's the only action he's gettin'.

Quote from Connection Lost

Claire: [on FaceTime] I can't believe she's pregnant.
Phil: Let's not jump to any conclusions.
Claire: Jump? Let's review. She's been moody, eating weird food, getting nauseous. She left in the middle of the night for a wedding chapel in Vegas with her secret love and most suspicious of all she bought a book!

Quote from Truth Be Told

Phil: "How about we meet at Le Reve at 7:30?"
Claire: That sounds innocent enough- I mean- drinks with an ex-girlfriend at an intimate French restaurant.
Phil: Honey, you're doing that thing where you say what I want you to say but your tone seems mean.
Claire: Let me guess. Denise isn't married.
Phil: Recently divorced. What's the big deal?
Claire: Come on, Phil. You can't be that naive. Seriously, women in their 30s on the Internet are like- they're like ninjas. They get into their little black outfits and try and sneak their way into your marriage.

Quote from The Wedding (Part 2)

Claire: I remember it like it was yesterday, the day that Mitchell came home from the hospital in a very unfashionable white diaper with three strands of scraggly Raggedy Andy hair. We were inseparable. I was his big sister, his big brother, his nemesis, his protector, his best friend. I was his first partner. And I loved every minute of it. So naturally, I was a little picky when it came to who was going to be replacing me. And then I met this Cam. And sure, he was warm and funny and loving. I wondered, "Was he really everything I wanted for my brother? "Was he really the best person?" No, I'm the best person. And now I am very pleased to raise a glass and introduce for the first time ever, on our fourth try, great husbands, Mitch and Cam.

Quote from When a Tree Falls

Gloria: Ugh. I want to be so mad at him, but he's right. I have two brains in my body, but I've never been so dumb.
Claire: It happens. I get it. You have another human being inside of you, competing for resources. Look, when I was pregnant with Alex, I could barely remember my name.
Gloria: Same with Haley and Luke?
Claire: Mm, not so much. They kind of just hung out in there, let me do my thing.