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‘Frank's Wedding’ Quotes Page 1 of 5

Modern Family: Frank's Wedding

819. Frank's Wedding

Aired April 5, 2017

When the Dunphy family shows up for Frank's wedding dressed as 1920s gangsters, Claire and the kids decide it's time for a "fun-tervention" with Phil. Jay has mastered the art of saying no to his family, but he is starting to feel left out. Meanwhile, Mitchell decides he's no longer going to let Cameron hide behind him when it comes to standing up to Pam.

Quote from Joe

Manny: I guess I can go out on the roof and check for monster slobber.
Joe: Okay.
Gloria: No! If he falls from the roof and dies, his ghost will haunt you forever.
Joe: Oh, boy. I do not need a ghost.

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Quote from Frank

Frank: Maybe I do overdo it. I remember your mother was really ticked off at me at your baptism when I kept pretending the holy water was boiling. [Phil laughs] Ouch! Ouch! Okay, we don't have to do anything crazy today. Don't worry about it.
Phil: Thanks, Pops.
Frank: But, wait, you're still gonna do my funeral the way we talked about, right?
Phil: That recording of you banging on that piece of wood screaming, "Let me out of here!"
Frank: [laughs] It's a real shame I'm gonna miss that.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] I'm turning 70 next year. I know, I look great. One of the few perks of getting up there is the ability to say no without guilt. "Can I have a ride to the airport?" No. Do I want to see your niece's recital? Nuh-unh. "Want to do a walk-a-thon to end global..." I'm gonna stop you right there.

Quote from Manny

Joe: Look, my window's open! Maybe that's how he got in.
Manny: Impossible. If he came across the roof, there'd be broken tiles or monster prints or...
[aside to camera:]
Manny: My monogrammed money clip. I snuck in through Joe's window last night because it was past curfew, and I must have dropped my clip on the roof. I needed to get it before Mom saw. I can't afford to get grounded. David Sedaris is coming to Barnes and Noble on a school night.

Quote from Phil

Phil: I'm sorry. I thought this would be fun.
Claire: Yes, but your idea of fun is often our idea of a horror show.
Luke: When you picked me up from school in that hot-dog car.
Haley: Repeatedly screaming, "That's what I'm talking about!" at my graduation.
Alex: Walking into my science fair on stilts.
Phil: Your exhibit was on daddy long legs. I had no choice!

Quote from Phil

Phil: "For man can no more survive without love than a cooper without his billhook, nor a whaler less his flensing knife." Words as true today as they were when they were written 18,000 years ago. That can't be right.

Quote from Cameron

Pam: Oh, no, I think my water just broke.
Cameron: Is it on me?!
Pam: I'm fixing to reproduce right now! Call 811.
Cameron: No, Mitchell, that's for livestock. Call 911.

Quote from Cameron

Lily: Cake for breakfast? Now we're talking.
Cameron: No, don't touch that! I'm making that for Uncle Pepper's costume party tonight. The theme is famous movie duos. Daddy and I are going as Leo and the "Revenant" bear.
Mitchell: [growls]

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] Joe hasn't slept in that chewed-up sweater snagger in years, but Gloria won't let me get rid of anything the kid has ever touched, so I needed a plan. Fortunately, when you say no to everything, it frees up time to concoct ingenious schemes.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Look, Joe, there's no monsters anywhere. There's nothing underneath the bed, nothing inside the teepee.
Joe: Are you sure?
Gloria: Yes, monsters need places to hide. They're not like the evil spirits, which are all around us.
Joe: What?
Gloria: No, no, nothing, baby.

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