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‘New Year's Eve’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Modern Family: New Year's Eve

411. New Year's Eve

Aired January 9, 2013

Jay is excited to take the whole family away to celebrate New Year's at his favorite hotel in Palm Springs. When the hotel isn't all it was cracked up to be, everyone heads out to do their own thing, leaving Jay to slink off to his hotel room. Elsewhere, as Haley and Alex look after Luke, Manny and Lily, they realize the boys are growing up quicker than they thought.

Quote from Gloria

Billy Dee Williams: Oh, what's the matter with everybody? It's early yet.
Jay: Yeah, I'm having fun for the first time since I got here.
Gloria: Jay?
Jay: How long has she been there?
Gloria: What are you doing here?
Jay: Gloria. Everybody ditched me, these guys invited me to play poker, and look who I'm sitting next to.
Gloria: Eh...
Billy Dee Williams: Oh, she has no idea. Hello, I'm Billy Dee Williams.
Gloria: Hello. I'm Gloria Dee wife.


Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Oh, my God. A classic Rolls Corniche. I have been in love with this car my whole life. In my village, if you didn't drive one of these, you couldn't call yourself a drug lord.
Billy Dee Williams: Would you like to drive it?
Gloria: Does the bear sit in the woods?
Jay: Classic Charo.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: They were for the New Year's.
Jay: Oh, right. What's that goofy thing again?
Gloria: It's not goofy. It's a tradition. At midnight, you eat 12 grapes, you make 12 wishes, one for each month of the year.
Jay: And you really think that works?
Gloria: Five years ago, I was a single mother living in a slum. Today, I'm driving to Palm Springs in my new car with my rich husband. You do what you want. I'm eating the grapes.

Quote from Haley

Alex: Hey. You sure you don't wanna play "The Hunger Games" with all of us?
Haley: My whole life is a hunger game. Why do you think I'm so mean to you?

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: [aside to camera] Every New Year's Eve, it's like, "what are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?" So we were happy that Jay planned this whole thing. It really, you know, takes the pressure off of having to outdo ourselves.
Mitchell: Yeah, and how are we gonna possibly top last year?
Lily: [blows party streamer]
Cameron: Oh. Did we miss it?
Mitchell: Mm? It's only 10:00.
Cameron: What?
Mitchell: It's only 10:00.
Cameron: What?
Mitchell: It's only 10:00.

Quote from Gloria

Jay: Huh. Place is smaller than I remember.
Claire: Smaller's your issue?
Gloria: When was the last time that you were here, Jay?
Jay: Not that long ago. 1974, '75.
Gloria: So when I was 2?
Jay: I don't like when you do that.

Quote from Phil

Claire: I say we get a bottle of champagne, look up at the stars, forget our bathing suits.
Phil: That does sound hot.
Claire: Mm-hmm.
Phil: But I'd just be thinking about your dad the whole time.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Are you serious? Billy Dee Williams? I'm a huge fan.
Billy Dee Williams: Well, now you have to stay, since none of these guys have seen me in anything since "Mahogany."
Bugs: Never even saw that.
Hugo: Me either.
Jay: You're kidding. Billy Dee's an alderman trying to keep Diana Ross in Chicago, rather than become an international model and designer. My son made me watch it with him. He's gay.
Billy Dee Williams: Oh, good. I didn't want to be the one to tell you.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Excuse me, young man. I was here first.
Mitchell: Young man? Why don't you just call him whipper-snapper?
Cameron: Ugh. This is ridiculous. We can't even get a drink. Everyone in here's 11, and I'm hot! If we were hot, we'd be drinking right now.
Mitchell: If we were hot, we'd be drinking right now.

Quote from Claire

Claire: Do you know that it's been a month?
Phil: No, it hasn't.
Claire: Mm-hmm. Yes, it has. Mm-hmm. Day after Thanksgiving. I remember because I came in under budget on all of my Christmas gifts, and you know how that gets me going.

Quote from Luke

Alex: So what's the plan, Haley?
Haley: I'm going in. That's our baby brother up there. I'm not ready for all of this. The girls, the hormones, it's gross.
Alex: Well, we can't just barge in. I'm still trying to get the image of mom and dad out of my- Oh, God, it's back.
Haley: I'm coming in!
Luke: What are you doing?
Haley: Just putting away some laundry.
Luke: That's a bra. And a tablecloth.

Quote from Haley

Luke: Wait. Why does she have to go?
Haley: Because I said so.
Luke: You're not the boss.
Claire: Don't talk back to your sister.
Luke: Ugh! I hate you!
Haley: You hate me now, but someday you'll thank me! [to Alex] I think I owe mom a huge apology.
Lily: Is anyone watching me?

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Jay, it's almost midnight, and we forgot to buy my grapes.
Jay: Did you try room service? They probably have grapes.
Eleanor: Oh, nothing fresh. But you can always fish some out of a can of fruit cocktail.
Gloria: Jay, you know that I need real grapes for my wishes.
Jay: It's a Colombian tradition. It's only moderately insane.
Billy Dee Williams: Well, I have grapes at my house.
Jay: No, I don't want you to blow New Year's.
Billy Dee Williams: Oh, please. Every night is New Year's for Billy Dee.
Gloria: I like you, Billy Dee.

Quote from Haley

Haley: New Year's is so weird, the way it makes you think about time. I think that's why people put so much pressure on themselves to have fun. I mean, I guess I sorta get it. Like right now I wish I could just slow down time, 'cause I am so not ready for him to grow up yet.
Alex: I know. I want him to stay our stupid little brother. Hey, happy New Year.
Haley: You too.
Alex: [drinking the pina Delgado] Oh, my God, what is in this?
Haley: Oh. Sorry. That one's mine.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: Jay? Have you seen the grapes?
Jay: Yeah, I ate them.
Gloria: Why would you eat the grapes?
Jay: They were in a bowl, they were washed, I paid for them.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] For New Year's Eve, we're taking Phil and Claire and Mitch and Cam to this amazing hotel I used to go to in Palm Springs. They got a whole package: dinner, dancing, toast at midnight. I mean, what more do you need?
Gloria: Grapes.
Jay: I said we'd stop on the way.

Quote from Haley

Phil: Haley, it's New Year's Eve. Are you sure you don't wanna go to a party or something?
Haley: And listen to all my friends talk about how awesome college is? I know how awesome college is. That's what got me kicked out.

Quote from Alex

Claire: [to Haley] Well, I'm sure Uncle Mitchell will feel much better leaving Lily here knowing that you're in charge. You know you're really in charge, right?
Alex: How do you know I don't have a party? [off their silence] Okay, fine.

Quote from Lily

Cameron: Lily, are you ready for your big sleepover with your cousins?
Lily: Who's watching me?
Cameron: Haley.
Lily: I'm serious.
Mitchell: Alex.
Lily: Okay, let's go.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Never trust pictures on the Internet. Shoot it from the right angle, you can make anything look bigger and better.
[Mitchell and Cameron snicker]
Claire: Houses, you pervs. He's a realtor.

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