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‘Someone to Watch Over Lily’ Quotes

Modern Family: Someone to Watch Over Lily

220. Someone to Watch Over Lily

Aired April 20, 2011

Mitchell and Cameron debate who should be Lily's guardian if anything should happen to them. Claire is concerned that Luke might turn out like Phil. Meanwhile, Haley bonds with Alex when she drives her to cello practice.

Quote from Luke

Phil: But all the girls at work love it when I bring Luke by. Especially that receptionist Heather. Right, buddy?
Luke: She smells amazing.
Claire: Well, honey, you're gonna have to smell Daddy's receptionist some other time.
Luke: Like peaches.
Alex: If you're both going out, who's taking me to cello?
Luke: One time, she gave me a Woody.
Claire: Sweet Je-
Luke: She remembered he's my favorite character from Toy Story.
Claire: She did.

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Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: [aside to camera] So Cam and I have been revising our will to specify who should take care of Lily if, God forbid, something happened to us.
Cameron: God forbid.
Mitchell: I said God for- So we've been dropping by unannounced to, you know, casually assess our candidates.
Cameron: Not all of our candidates.
Mitchell: No, that's true. We did not drop by Missourah.
Cameron: It's Missouri. No one from Missouri would say "Missourah."
Mitchell: I'm so sorrah.

Quote from Luke

Dr. Klausner: Luke, I'm gonna talk to your mom and dad for a minute, okay?
Luke: Okay. She's, like, the best doctor ever. A couple of puzzles, no shots. I didn't even have to take my pants off. Found that one out a little late.
Phil: I've been there, buddy.

Quote from Haley

Alex: That's weird. My cello teacher's car isn't here. I wonder if she's not home.
Haley: So go knock on the door, Alan Einstein.
Alex: Don't leave. And it's "Albert."
Haley: I know. Alan's his dorky brother who played the cello.

Quote from Manny

Jay: Want some coffee?
Manny: Say yes. It's French press. I was doubtful too but I honestly can't see myself going back to drip.
Jay: I'm so happy you don't live in a tough neighborhood anymore.

Quote from Gloria

Mitchell: We're so sorry for just dropping by like this.
Gloria: Are you kidding me? I'll take any chance to spend time with this little princess. I love her little hair, her little toes.
Cameron: And she loves her grandmother.
Gloria: I don't love "grandmother."

Quote from Phil

Haley: You win the award for worst mother ever!
Claire: I will be sure to thank you in my speech. Phil! The frying pan's on fire!
Phil: Son of Jor-EI! Everybody stay calm!

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: If you want, I can stay with the little princess.
Cameron: Oh, that's a great idea. Oh, yeah, I'll just go out and get her bag.
Gloria: Maybe I take her to the mall buy her a new outfit, get her some hair rings. Is that okay?
Mitchell: Yes, yes. Of course. You know, Gloria, Cam and I were talking about what would happen to Lily if anything were ever to happen to us. And we were thinking-
Gloria: Oh, my God! Si, si, si! I take her!
Mitchell: Okay, that's sweet, but you realize it would only happen-
Gloria: I can't wait!
Mitchell: Hopefully, it's a long shot.
Gloria: Ay! A little girl!
Mitchell: There would have to be a very tragic accident.
Gloria: I know, I know. Nothing is going to happen.
Mitchell: No.
Gloria: But if it did, we would be so happy! Ay!

Quote from Haley

Alex: She's not there. You're just gonna have to take me home.
Haley: We don't have time. We have stuff to do.
Alex: Then I'm just gonna have to come with you.
Gabby: Can't we drop her off at a coffee shop or something?
Haley: What, so she gets kidnapped and I get in trouble? No, thank you.

Quote from Manny

Jay: Let's see if we can get you some snow pants.
Manny: I just wish I felt better. I think I'm coming down with flu-like symptoms.
Jay: A couple of hours before your camping trip, huh?
Manny: I want to go. It's just, if I'm sick, I might get the chaperones sick. And without chaperones, it's anarchy.
Jay: Manny, listen to me.
Manny: The buddy system falls apart. The principle of "last in, first out" is ignored.

Quote from Phil

Claire: I'm sorry I went behind your back. But you get so defensive whenever we talk about Luke's issues.
Phil: He doesn't have issues. You're just a worrier. Like when you thought he was never gonna talk.
Claire: He was two, and all he could do was bark.
Phil: I understood him.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Look, he starts coming here, the other kids find out, he becomes a target like that limping gazelle at the watering hole that the alligator knows to eat.
Claire: Crocodiles. Not alligators. There are no alligators in Africa.
Phil: How about the zoo? Bam! Who needs a shrink now?

Quote from Phil

Claire: [aside to camera] I knew the minute I opened my mouth that I was in the wrong. But honestly, sometimes I wonder about him.
[flashback:]
Luke: Hey, Mom. Check it out.
Claire: What are you doing?
Luke: If I move my head fast enough, it looks like the can is standing still.
Phil: He's totally right.

Quote from Gloria

Cameron: Oh, my God!
Mitchell: Gloria, what did you do?
Gloria: What I told you.
Cameron: You pierced her ears?
Gloria: What I said. I was going to make her pretty with earrings.
Mitchell: I thought you said "hair rings."
Gloria: What are hair rings?
Cameron: Yes, Mitchell, what are hair rings?
Mitchell: Something that would tie your hair back- She said it.
Gloria: I didn't say hair rings. I said earrings!

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: You don't like?
Cameron: Of course not. You punctured our daughter.
Gloria: But did you see both sides? I didn't just do the gay ear. Look.
Mitchell: Oh, my God.

Quote from Phil

Claire: What an amazing kid. I can't believe I ever worried about him out in the world. It's just- That's what I do, though, isn't it? I worry. I worry. I think about a tiny little thing, and then I obsess on it until suddenly it's the only thing I can think about. God, please don't let me screw up our son.
Phil: Hey. Hey. You know why else he's gonna be okay?
Claire: No.
Phil: Because somewhere out there is a worried little girl who's making lists and labeling bins, and he's gonna find her.

Quote from Gloria

Cameron: Mitchell and I have decided that if, God forbid, anything should happen to us-
Mitchell: We don't have to do this right now.
Cameron: No. We would like Jay and Gloria to be Lily's guardians.
Mitchell: Cam?
Cameron: It's the right decision.
Gloria: Ah! That is great news! Lily, when something horrible happens you're going to be all mine!
Mitchell: It really is an "if" situation.
Gloria: All mine!


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