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‘Phil's Sexy, Sexy House’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Modern Family: Phil's Sexy, Sexy House

707. Phil's Sexy, Sexy House

Aired November 18, 2015

When the family gathers at Jay and Gloria's for a Thanksgiving leftover brunch, everyone gets the same idea to sneak into the "sexy house" that Phil is trying to sell.

Quote from Gloria

Jay: [aside to camera] So, this year, we're surprising the family with a trip to Miami. The travel company needs everybody's driver's license to book the flight. That's where "sticky fingers" here comes in handy.
Gloria: Everybody has a bad cousin that teaches you a few things. Like how to smoke, how to pick-pocket, how to hot-wire a car, how to put tacks on your shoe when you want to throw off a-a lie-detector test.
Jay: Which cousin was this?
Gloria: I am the cousin.

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Quote from Gloria

Gloria: [to Alex] Let me give you a hug goodbye. I cannot believe that you're already going to college. It seems like yesterday when you were a little girl reading at college level.

Quote from Alex

Claire: Oh, Alex!
Phil: Claire?
Claire: ­Reuben again? He wore a Batman cape to the first day of high school!
Alex: You're really judging me right now when you look like a hooker at Comic-Con?

Quote from Claire

Claire: Can you believe how conscientious our little girl has become? Racing off to work on a Saturday. There's a 30% chance she thinks it's Friday, but still...

Quote from Manny

Joe: Refrigerator.
Manny: No, say "fridger-frater."
Joe: But it's refrigerator.
Manny: I need you to focus, kid. Fridger-frater - ­where we keep the sammiches.
[aside to camera:]
Manny: People seem delighted by Joe. Whatever. But I had that fetching study partner coming over, and I realized I could use Joe's by-the-numbers cuteness to my amorous advantage. Wow. Even for me, that was a lot of Manny.

Quote from Manny

Claire: What are you making, my little chef?
Joe: I'm making pasghetti!
Claire: You are adorable.
Manny: I remember when I had everyone in the palm of my hand with a two-foot putt like "pasghetti." We both know you know how to say it.

Quote from Haley

Alex: Well, I'm off. While I do love our tradition of still getting together on Saturday for Thanksgiving leftovers, maybe next time we can order a turkey that doesn't have its own Event Horizon. [silence] Oh, well, who cares? I know it's totally gonna slay them in my astrophysics club.
Haley: First time anyone in that club gets slayed.

Quote from Luke

Phil: Infinity pool, killer views, state-of-the-art game room, home theater...
Cameron: Plus that four-person shower. Did you know that's where Cyril met his new husband?
Mitchell: Aww.
Phil: Even the security code's sexy. Literally. It spells out "sexy" on the keypad.
Luke: Even I think that's trying too hard, and at this point, I'm mostly body spray.

Quote from Claire

Claire: [aside to camera] I was harsh. But the flight back from Portland was rough. The overheads were packed with foldable bikes, and I was sitting next to a guy using a typewriter.

Quote from Andy

Haley: All clear. Well, that was crazy.
Andy: My ticker hasn't gotten a workout that good since I made the finals of that cup-stacking competition.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Hey, guys, thanks again for helping me to get that listing.
Mitchell: Cyril's house. Pretty sexy, huh?
Phil: Ridonk. This place makes the Playboy mansion look like an old folks' home. Which I guess it kind of is now.

Quote from Haley

Haley: [aside to camera] When I was younger, I was a little embarrassed my dad was just a real-estate agent.
But as I got older, I realized, hey, he may not have the coolest job in the world, but he puts food on the table and has access to a bunch of empty houses I can sneak into.

Quote from Phil

Haley: Wow. Nice pool at the three-bedroom in Hillgrove.
Phil: Well, looky here, one of my kids showing interest in the family biz.
Haley: Oh, I don't know if I'm smart enough for that. You have to remember so much stuff, like when anyone's gonna be there.
Phil: That's what the datebook's for.
Haley: Plus you have to remember all of those lock-box combinations.
Phil: I just use a very special birthday.
Haley: Aww.
Phil: Houdini's.

Quote from Haley

Haley: [aside to camera] I left my watch by Cyril's tub. I'm usually extra careful not to leave any trace that I was at one of my dad's houses, but this tub has 16 pulsating jets, and the whole floor vibrates with something called "Swedish release." It took me 20 minutes to find my car in the driveway.

Quote from Claire

Claire: You're bathing with them now?
Phil: They waddled into the garage and got oil on them. And then when they were in here by themselves, all they wanted to do was horse around, so...
Claire: I spent the morning in Berkeley and the afternoon in Portland. I deserve to feel clean again. But now the nice, soothing tub that I've been dreaming about all day is filled with feathers and motor oil and probably bird flu. So, no. No. You just sit tight, and I will use the hose in the backyard.

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