Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘When a Tree Falls’ Quotes

Modern Family: When a Tree Falls

409. When a Tree Falls

Aired November 28, 2012

Cameron talks Mitchell into supporting his effort to save an old tree in the park. Jay and Manny are both pushed beyond their comfort zones when they attend a kid's birthday party. Meanwhile, Alex tries to take an embarrassing bad picture of Haley, and Gloria's "pregnancy brain" is making her forgetful.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: Oh, I see what this is. You called Claire to babysit the stupid pregnant lady!
Jay: You're the one who called her.
Gloria: I did?
[aside to camera:]
Jay: I called Claire. Gloria needs watching. She's got a serious case of pregnancy brain. Last week, I found a bar of soap in the fridge and a stick of butter in the shower. I walked around all day smelling like a bucket of popcorn.
Manny: Better than the toast I ate.
Jay: Yet you ate the second piece.

Rate

Quote from Luke

Manny: Look, I'm Mexico. Again. Does anybody care that I'm not from Mexico?
Luke: You keep saying that, but we've never seen a birth certificate.

Quote from Claire

Gloria: Ugh. I want to be so mad at him, but he's right. I have two brains in my body, but I've never been so dumb.
Claire: It happens. I get it. You have another human being inside of you, competing for resources. Look, when I was pregnant with Alex, I could barely remember my name.
Gloria: Same with Haley and Luke?
Claire: Mm, not so much. They kind of just hung out in there, let me do my thing.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: You know what? You're a list-maker, a planner. I'm a doer and an action taker! Sean Penn would play me in a movie about this, or Anne Hathaway, if they wanted a female-driven vehicle.
Mitchell: And who would play your long-suffering partner?
Cameron: Julianne Moore, either way.
Mitchell: I would totally see that. I would.

Quote from Alex

Alex: [aside to camera] Last summer, my sister took a totally humiliating photo of me. Then she posted it to Facebook and refused to take it down. It got 873 likes. Meanwhile, there's not one embarrassing photo of Haley. Even her mug shots were cute. Today, I get my revenge. One photo of Haley, dirty, sweaty, picking up trash like a criminal. It'll be my finest moment. In a few years, I hope to have some more friends and not have time for this kind of stuff.

Quote from Jay

Jay: So he's out in our yard and he's got a boombox. What's the name of that movie with the boombox?
Jerry: Oh, "Say Anything."
Jay: With John Mahoney. So anyway, he's out there, and he's begging Claire for forgiveness. She's still mad at him. She won't have any of it. So he turns it up full-blast, and it's Olivia Newton-John. And he starts singing, "Let's get Phil-sical"! [all laugh]
Phil: It was an inside joke.

Quote from Alex

Haley: It's really sweet of you, Luke, but there's just gonna be a bunch of drunk drivers and vandalizers who were stupid enough to get caught.
Alex: Or stupid enough to use the word "vandalizers." [everybody's silent] It's vandals. I'm so alone.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] I wasn't worried. I'd boxed in the Navy. And it was Phil. And here's something I thought I'd never say: I'd rather box my daughter's husband than my son's.

Quote from Haley

Claire: Haley, hurry up. You're gonna be late. Alex, what are you doing?
Alex: I need to document Haley's first day on the chain gang.
Phil: It's not a chain gang. It's community service. And leave her alone. She feels bad enough as it is.
Haley: Okay, I'm torn. On one hand, I'm like, "Ugh, I have to pick up garbage all day." And on the other hand, I'm like, "Look at me in orange." [Alex takes a photo] Aw, that's cute. Send that to me.

Quote from Haley

Claire: [aside to camera] Haley had a little run-in with the law in college.
Phil: She was arrested for assaulting a police officer.
Haley: Accidentally. I fell on him.
Phil: While evading arrest for underage drinking.
Haley: That was on purpose.
Claire: They were very lenient with her. She only has to do community service.
Haley: Because I do not have any priors.
Phil: Taking a little too much pride in that, sweetheart.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Manny, while we're young!
Gloria: He doesn't want to go. That's why he's taking so long with the primping.
Jay: A boy his age should do exactly zero primping.

Quote from Manny

Manny: [aside to camera] This kid in my class, Doug Brooks, has a sports-themed birthday party every year. All boys. All sports. All day. He calls it the Doug-lympics, which might make sense if he did it every four years, or if his name was Al. Let's just say nothing about it works.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: Manny, it's a beautiful day outside. Go on. Enjoy your dougy-lympics.
Jay: You don't have to win a medal. Just have fun.
Manny: Doug finishes with the most medals no matter what. Plus I think he only invites me because he likes to match skin color to nation. I know that's why Alan Yan gets invited.
Jay: Okay, we get it. Sports isn't your thing. But you gotta step out of your comfort zone sometime. And for God sake, change out of those wingtips. You're a kid. You're not Nixon on the beach.

Quote from Jay

Phil: Jay, where you headed? Why don't you stick around and grab a beer with the dads?
Jay: Oh, I don't really know those guys. I think I'll just swing by the club, hit a few balls.
Phil: Well, come here. Let me introduce you around. Hey, guys, this is Jay, my father-in-law. Manny's stepdad.
Bill: Hey, what's up, Jay-lo?
Jay: Okay, guys, I'll see you later.
Manny: What's the matter, Jay? Afraid to step outside your comfort zone?
Jay: I will send you back to Mexico.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: Mitchell? Where were we the first day Lily rolled over?
Mitchell: Under this tree.
Cameron: Where is home base when we play hide-and-go-seek?
Mitchell: Under this tree.
Cameron: And where did we take shelter during that dangerous lightning storm?
Mitchell: Wasn't a good idea, but it was under this tree.

Quote from Gloria

Claire: I forgot I was wearing it. It's no big deal. Here.
Police Officer: Ma'am. The store.
Claire: Are you kidding me? I didn't try to steal a sweatshirt! Sir, I'm a mom. Gloria, help me out.
Gloria: Listen, Mr. Policeman, if we wanted to steal it, you wouldn't even know that it was gone!
Claire: Yeah, okay. That's not helping.

Quote from Manny

Manny: Gentlemen, you wanna know about the real ultimate frisbee? Walk with one balanced on your head for 50 meters. It is a measure of poise, balance, and posture.
Doug: Let's just whip the frisbees at each other as hard as we can and see who quits first.
Luke: Frisbee smash. Awesome! Let's go!
Manny: Oh, my God, I'm Sisyphus.
Luke: Yes! A big one! Ha ha!

Quote from Phil

Phil: Okay, enough with the funny Phil stories.
Jay: No, but I haven't even gotten to the best part yet. So he's doing his little dance, and I can't take it anymore, so I nail him with the sprinklers!
Phil: Yep, and you also shorted out my boombox, which you said you'd replace and you never did.
Jay: I never said that!
Phil: Yes, you did. You still owe me one boom box, 12 "D" batteries, and an Olivia Newton-John cassingle.

Quote from Gloria

Claire: Why would I buy hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise and then steal a $20 sweatshirt?
Store Manager: I don't know. Maybe you do it for the thrill. I know your type. You're a bored housewife, drives a minivan, husband spends a little too much time online. Got a couple of kids, a college degree you don't use.
Claire: You could not be more wrong.
Gloria: Yes. She has three kids.

Quote from Haley

Haley: Alex, what are you doing here?
Alex: Learning a valuable lesson about karma and how wrong it is to take pleasure in people's embarrassment.
Haley: Wow. I don't know what any of that means, but you look like hell. Say "geek."
Alex: No!
Haley: He's a vandalizer!
[aside to camera:]
Alex: 593 likes and counting.

Quote from Cameron

Fireman: Who does he belong to?
Mitchell: He's mine.
[aside to camera:]
Cameron: It was a great ending to an amazing day. Look, I even made the paper. "Bizarre protest saves park tree." Oh, look what it says. "This production of 'Cats' should be put to sleep."
Mitchell: Don't read that.


 Episode 408 Episode 410 
  Select another episode