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Baby Steps

‘Baby Steps’

Season 11, Episode 15 -  Aired March 18, 2020

Claire has landed an interview for her dream job and is thwarted on her way to the interview by Phil’s tricky staircase. Meanwhile, Cam and Mitch debate the pros and cons of adopting another baby after unexpectedly receiving a call from their adoption agency.

Quote from Phil

Claire: I can't believe this. I'm going to miss my interview. And this was my dream job! I was gonna get to organize the whole world. [voice breaking] And now everything is gonna stay so messy.
Phil: Can't you just reschedule it?
Claire: No! Phil, I'd look like a flake! This is an organizational company, not the loosey-goosey world of real estate, where everything's "See you noon to three, and I'll bring the cookies"! Sorry. I'm lashing out.
Phil: No, it's okay. The lion doesn't lose sleep over the opinions of sheep.


Quote from Jay

Claire: How ridiculous would I look taking a call on stairs? Plus, I need my shelves, 'cause I had this whole thing worked out with the products and...
Jay: You don't need gimmicks! You were the C.E.O. for Pritchett's freakin' Closets. You know how many people can say that? Me and you! And Margaret every five years, when I went under for my colonoscopy.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: I keep making lists of all the pros and cons in my head. Uh, the... the way a baby smells is on both.
Cameron: Okay, alright. Pros, go.
Mitchell: Okay, well, a baby to love. The sound of giggling. [Cameron chuckles] You know, a bigger family, an extra vote on whether to pull the plug on us when we get old. I'm worried that Lily has an itchy trigger finger.
Cameron: Yeah, and another child would help us figure out how much of Lily's personality is our fault and what's on her.
Mitchell: It would be nice to be vindicated.

Quote from Haley

Haley: Ooh! Speaking of hot people, maybe I should go and recruit for NERP. For legal reasons, we need a science-y person to endorse product. Considering we're all a bunch of people who didn't graduate college, we sell a lot of products that go inside of you.
Alex: Yeah, no, it doesn't really work that way. A, you have to be invited, and B, no self-respecting scientist is going to endorse the nonsense your company is pushing.
Haley: Excuse me, but our copper-infused toothpaste is on the FDA's top ten items to watch, so...

Quote from Dylan

Dylan: Can I come down now? If I don't have the babies' bottles when they wake up, they're mean.
Jay: You're not even in the terrible twos yet.
Dylan: Oh, when do those start?

Quote from Phil

Claire: I don't know, guys. Does it really look like I'm in my office?
Phil: Jaws wasn't a real shark, but I still wouldn't sit on a toilet seat for months.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: Are... Are you awake?
Cameron: I slept for six minutes two hours ago. I'm gonna have to take a sleeping pill, which means you're gonna have to hide my car keys, laptop, and Reba McEntire wig.

Quote from Cameron

[aside to camera:]
Cameron: It's been a crazy couple days. Uh, yesterday, I found out I didn't get the college football coaching job that I had been chasing. I was... I was devastated.
Mitchell: And moments before that, we got a phone call from our old adoption agency with the opportunity for us to adopt a baby boy. So, a door closes...
Cameron: A window opens.
Mitchell: Yeah.
Cameron: But do you answer it?
Mitchell: You don't answer windows.
Cameron: Well, how fun for you. Cam made a little mistake.

Quote from Haley

Alex: I do cry less when I'm driven.
Haley: And that outfit is on point.
Alex: Well, I mean, it's... it's sort of a triumphant return for me. I spent four years there in sweats, with greasy hair, caring only about grades. The only time anyone ever noticed me was when I pulled out all my eyebrows during finals week. Now I have a big job, swanky apartment, shoes that cost more than my first laptop...
Haley: Oh, it's like a Rom-com... You left a nerd and returned a hot nerd.

Quote from Phil

[aside to camera:]
Claire: I've been out of work for a few months, and I've gotten kinda antsy. To channel my anxiety, I have cleaned, I have organized. Perhaps a bit obsessively.
Phil: Doctors were consulted.
Claire: One... a therapist, so not even a real doctor. But meds were quickly dismissed.
Phil: We didn't want the sexual side effects.

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