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‘Brushes with Celebrity’ Quotes Page 1 of 6

Modern Family: Brushes with Celebrity

908. Brushes with Celebrity

Aired November 29, 2017

The family recount their encounters with celebrities: Phil keels over in agony as he shows a house to his musical hero, Chris Martin of Coldplay; Jay's aversion to public service disappears when football legend Terry Bradshaw is selected for the jury; Gloria is angry after Manny's favorite playwright insults him; and Mitchell and Cameron run into the host of a garden renovation program at the garden center.

Quote from Luke

Claire: I've read the same chapter eight times, still don't get it.
Luke: Just say, "It holds a mirror up to society." You'll get your "C" and get out of there.


Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] Being in the closet business, I met a lot of famous people. I can't name names, but let's just say it's someone who's the boss.
Gloria: [gasps] You met Bruce Springsteen?
Jay: No, Tony Danza.
Gloria: Oh, from the TV show? Nah, she was the boss.
Jay: It's open to interpretation.

Quote from Luke

Luke: Never been a big Coldplay guy. I'm more into hip-hop, death metal, "Little Mermaid." That one really imprinted on me back in the day.

Quote from Jay

Lawyer: Do you have any experience with law enforcement?
Jay: Big time. I-I don't trust, uh, cops. Also, I despise robbery victims. They're the real criminals for clogging up our court system.
Judge: Nice try, Juror 3.
Jay: What about economic hardship? The last time I missed work, the California closet market collapsed. Some people think that caused the L.A. Riots.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] This was a nightmare. I was about to meet my hero, and I was experiencing this bizarre pain in in my nether region. Wait, I'm a grown man. I should be able to say it my left bean bag did it again. My tersticle- That's as close as I think I'm gonna get.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] One time I saw Jack Nicholson at the car wash.
Mitchell: I can't go through this again. Jack Nicholson does not drive a Hyundai Odyssey with a Co-Exist bumper sticker, Cam.

Quote from Claire

Alex: "The Unwitting Miss Castle." What's that about?
Claire: It's about three persecuted women in different time periods, or one time traveler with incredibly bad luck. I don't know which.
[aside to camera:]
Claire: Somehow, I was able to join a very exclusive book club filled with the most intelligent women. I can never seem to impress them. They use words like "sanguine." I don't want to look like an idiot, so I use it, too. Isn't that the most sanguine thing you ever heard?
Alex: You're not using it right.

Quote from Phil

Phil: My stomach feels weird.
Claire: You're probably just nervous. Ooh, maybe you need someone to come with you.
Phil: No, he's there to buy a house, not talk about music, which is why I'm not even gonna mention that I'm a songwriter, too.
Claire: Oh, you wrote one song.
Phil: I said everything I had to say.
Claire: About a realtor.
Phil: It was about life! This is why they mock you at book club.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] Oh, here's a brush with celebrity I can actually talk about. Last summer, I was called upon to participate in the most American of traditions: getting out of jury duty.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] Terry Bradshaw. I love Terry Bradshaw!
Judge: Juror 11, is there anything that might prevent you from serving effectively on this jury?
Terry Bradshaw: No scheduling conflicts, Your Honor. However, I am going through kind of a rough patch right now. You see, I lost my best friend.
[aside to camera:]
Jay: Or did he just find one?
Terry Bradshaw: But I'm happy to serve. I believe in the American legal system, and I believe it's all about teamwork.
Jay: [claps] That's a touchdown of an answer, champ. Uh, this lady here put me down for that. Are you ready for some justice?

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