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‘Fight or Flight’ Quotes Page 1 of 5

Modern Family: Fight or Flight

615. Fight or Flight

Aired February 18, 2015

After a long weekend camping with Phil's old cheerleading buddies, Claire jumps at the chance to snag the only first class seat on the return flight home. Meanwhile, Gloria forces Jay to teach Manny how to stand up for himself against a bully in his cooking class. Mitchell, Cameron, Pepper and Ronaldo throw a baby shower for Sal, who seems like a new woman since the birth of her child.

Quote from Manny

Manny: I'm not fighting anymore. It's not worth it.
Gloria: But you're doing so good. You just have to turn your shoulder first so that you can throw your weight behind your punch. If you want. I already think that you're very tough. This is all Jay's idea.
Jay: All right. Come on, kid. Show 'em who's boss.
Manny: No. I'm more of a lover than a fighter. Well, that's the goal anyway.

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Quote from Pepper

Cameron: Well, you know, she did seem frazzled. Maybe she forgot to say good-bye.
Mitchell: Oh, and forgot all of her presents. [Sammy fusses]
Ronaldo: [gasps] And forgot her baby.
Mitchell: You don't think that there's any way that she would... No. I can't even say it.
Pepper: I can. That gin-soaked tart abandoned the little bastard. What? He's fatherless. Am I wrong?

Quote from Gloria

Jay: The kid is just not a fighter. He gets squeamish pounding veal.
Gloria: Just do it!
Jay: Fine, but I'm only doing it for the lasagna and the extra food he's been bringing home on Sundays. Makes Mondays easier, you know?
Gloria: Oh, my God, you're the Garfield.

Quote from Pepper

Pepper: I don't wanna sound like a sentimental softy but does anyone miss the drunken whore she used to be?

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: I know. Enough is enough. You have to teach him how to fight.
Jay: Yeah. That'll work.
Gloria: You're doing this. And don't tell him that this is coming from me. It's bad for a boy to know that his mother thinks he's weak. That's a lifetime of paying women to spank him until he cries.

Quote from Pepper

Sal: I'm gonna put this in the kitchen. I make all my own baby food. It's all natural, no chemicals.
Mitchell: Who is this woman? She's not drinking. She's making her own baby food.
Sal: Does Lily have any other plates? I don't let Sammy eat off this plastic.
Mitchell: Yeah, the far cabinet.
Sal: Thanks.
Mitchell: Okay, none of this makes sense.
Pepper: I know. How does she breast-feed him if she doesn't let him near plastic?

Quote from Claire

Gate Attendant: Okay. Found you. Oh! I do have an open seat in first class if one of you would like a free upgrade.
Phil: No, thank you. I think we'll sit together. After the amazing weekend we just had-
Claire: I'll take it.
[aside to camera:]
Claire: I deserved that seat. Three days in the woods with Phil's ex-cheerleader buddies the old stories, the spontaneous human pyramids constantly updating their tumbler Tumblr. I smiled through the whole thing.
Problem is I was so convincing Phil thought I was having a great time. What do I want? Some credit. When do I want it? Now.

Quote from Pepper

Mitchell: Hey Everybody, Sal's here.
Cameron: Okay. All right. Is this straight?
Pepper: You're throwing a baby shower with a dozen men in tailored pants sipping Bellinis. Nothing about this is... [groans] I can't even finish.
Mitchell: Really? The last word was too much?

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: [aside to camera] So we decided to get the gang together to throw our friend Sal a belated baby shower.
Cameron: She's been a little hard to pin down lately but we knew she'd never miss the chance to shower with a bunch of men.
Mitchell: You love that joke, don't you?
Cameron: Well, because it's two different kinds of showers.

Quote from Gloria

Manny: Mom, do I have a fever?
Gloria: Ay, let me check.
Jay: You know, we have a thermometer.
Gloria: Do you have to be so white all the time?

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