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‘Travels with Scout’ Quotes

Modern Family: Travels with Scout

121. Travels with Scout

Aired April 28, 2010

When Phil's father stops by in the RV, Claire thinks he's holding back an emotional issue from Phil. Meanwhile, Cameron fills in as the drummer in Dylan's band, and Manny is traumatized when Jay takes him to see a horror movie.

Quote from Phil

Phil: He's not going home? He's never been away from my mom for longer than a doctor's appointment.
Claire: Honey, I know. I told you.
Phil: I always felt bad for people with emotionally distant fathers. It turns out I'm one of 'em. It's a miracle I didn't end up a stripper.

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Quote from Jay

Gloria: What were you thinking? Who takes a little boy to a horror movie? That's loco, Jay.
Jay: This is no big deal. You want scary? When I was his age, I lived through the Cuban Missile Crisis. I slept with a butter knife under my pillow in case I had to fight some Soviet colonel.
Gloria: Why would they send a Soviet colonel to get a little boy?
Jay: Because I could identify every commie plane.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] One of the greatest days of my life was when my old man sprung me from school and took me to the track. I wanted to do the same type of thing for Manny, plus I figured when Gloria heard about it, maybe it pays off in the bedroom. I wonder if that's why my old man did it. Oh, crap.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: [aside to camera] I used to be a music teacher, but I gave that up as soon as Lily came along.
Mitchell: Yes. Well, we just felt that it was really important that one of us stayed home to raise her, so-
Cameron: Yeah, and that's not a judgment on other people's choices. It's just that we happen to be a very traditional family.
Mitchell: Mm-hmm. Yes, that's what the disabled lesbian shaman who blessed Lily's room said too.

Quote from Frank

Phil: [answering phone] Honeydew! What's up?
Claire: Guess who's here. Your dad! He drove his R.V. All the way up from Cocoa Beach.
Frank Dunphy: Hey, Son, working hard? He's gonna say "Hardly working."
Phil: I meant to tell you he was driving out.
Frank Dunphy: Did he say it?
Claire: Oh, yeah.
Frank Dunphy: Good kid.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [on the phone] He wasn't supposed to show up for a few more days.
Claire: Well, guess what he brought us. A dog to keep.
Phil: Yes! Yes.
[aside to camera:]
Phil: Yes, I should have told Claire about the dog, and I was going to. But I was just waiting for her to be in the right mood. Actually, I did get one right mood a couple nights ago, but I cashed that in for something else.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] My dad is awesome. He's awesome. He's always up. He's always happy. I mean, he and I are best buds. We're like two peas in a pod. Or Siamese twins. Or a snake with two heads.
Claire: They've actually been all those things for Halloween.
Phil: Yeah.

Quote from Dylan

Luke: I always wanted a dog. Thanks, Grandpa.
Claire: Okay, but remember, having a dog is a major responsibility. Everyone in the family has to pitch in.
Dylan: Can do, Mrs. D.
Claire: Not you, Dylan.
Dylan: Oh, phew. 'Cause I got a lot on my plate right now.

Quote from Frank

Frank Dunphy: Cameron, so good to see you again. Now that is a shirt.
Cameron: Oh, well, thank you, Frank. I get 'em online. I'll send you a link.
Frank Dunphy: Oh, well, at home, I smoke sausages. I'll send you a link.

Quote from Luke

[Scout barks]
Alex: I think he wants to go out. Good boy.
Phil: Smart dog.
Claire: I hate to break it to you, but I think all dogs can do that.
Luke: I'm gonna play outside. [runs into the screen door] Ow! What happened?

Quote from Frank

Phil: Dad?
Frank Dunphy: Come on in! It's open! Hey! Ah, don't tell me. You need a cup of sugar.
Phil: [chuckles] Nah. Just, uh- I was just wondering, I don't know, uh- Anything on the old noodle?
Frank Dunphy: Other than a bad toupee? I'm kidding, of course. This is my real hair.

Quote from Luke

Luke: [trapped in the dog cage] Guys, little help? I have to go to the bathroom, and I'm not gonna do it in here.

Quote from Frank

Frank Dunphy: Good news, you two. You're getting your driveway back. I'm hitting the open road in the morning.
Claire: Oh, already?
Frank Dunphy: Yeah.
Phil: Anxious to get home and see Mom, huh?
Frank Dunphy: No, I'm just gonna drive wherever the wind blows me, which is usually into the next lane.
Alex: Can we get some sodas, Grandpa?
Frank Dunphy: Okay, but just one. I'm driving.

Quote from Manny

Gloria: What's that?
Jay: That's Ben. That's the guy who was in the movie. I figure when Manny sees him, sees how nice he is, he'll realize it's all pretend.
[Ben walks up to the house and realizes the doorbell doesn't work]
Gloria: You think that will work?
Jay: Guy's a sweetheart. Manny's gonna spend two minutes with him. He'll explain how the movie's made. He's even bringing his fake machete. Thing's made of rubber.
[Ben walks around the side of the house]
Ben: [knocking on the window] Hey, are you Manny? I'm here for you. Look what I got.
Manny: [screaming] Mom, he's here!

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: I thought this was a one-time thing?
Cameron: Are you kidding? We destroyed in there. Did you hear that one lady screaming my name?
Mitchell: That was Phil. He had a Red Bull.

Quote from Frank

Frank Dunphy: It's nothing.
Phil: Oh, it's nothing? Nothing to do with Mom?
Frank Dunphy: No! Well, yeah. I've fallen in love.
Phil: Oh, my God. Who is she?
Frank Dunphy: He!
Phil: What?
Frank Dunphy: It's that little guy right over there. [to Scout] Come on over here. Come on. Come on. There you go. Ah, look at him. Driving across country, this little bastard nuzzled his way right into my heart, didn't ya?
Phil: So this is just about you not wanting to leave the dog? Well, you should tell Mom.
Frank Dunphy: Those three days on the road with him were the happiest of my life.
Phil: You should leave that part out.

Quote from Luke

Luke: [chasing Frank's RV] Bye-bye. Bye, Grandpa! Love you! Bye, Dad. Bye, Grandpa! I love you!
Phil: Luke, stay! Luke, stay!
Luke: Come back soon! I'll see you later!
Phil: Luke, stay!
Claire: Luke!
Phil: Stay!

Quote from Frank

Jay: Didn't expect to find you here.
Frank Dunphy: Well, listen, when my granddaughter's boyfriend's band plays an under-21 club with my daughter-in-law's brother's gay partner, I show up. That's just how I was raised.
Jay: I don't think you met my wife, Gloria.
Gloria: Hola.
Frank Dunphy: Oh, it's a pleasure. You are a lovely woman.
Gloria: You must be Frank.
Frank Dunphy: Okay, then, you are hotter than a Las Vegas sidewalk on the Fourth of July. Did I go too far?
Jay: Not you, Frank. No.


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