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‘Fifteen Percent’ Quotes Page 1 of 5

Modern Family: Fifteen Percent

113. Fifteen Percent

Aired January 20, 2010

Mitchell is offended when Jay introduces Cameron to his pals as "a friend of my son's", so he gets his revenge by suggesting one of Jay's pals is gay. Meanwhile, Manny arranges a date over the Internet, and Claire is stumped by the new TV remote Phil bought.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Just stop it, please. Don't you see how hard this is for me? See, I used to be just like one of those guys. Now look at me. I got a house looks like Little Colombia. I got a gay son and a Chinese granddaughter.
Mitchell: Vietnamese.
Jay: Only you would know the difference.
Mitchell: Don't worry, Dad. Not growing too much.

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Quote from Gloria

Whitney: I'll just be alone for the rest of my life. And that's okay.
Gloria: No, don't say that. In my country, there's a saying that means "Love is just around the corner."
[aside to camera:]
Gloria: I come from a neighborhood with a lot of prostitutes.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: [aside to camera] I think it's adorable that Manny has a date. He even picked out the lunch menu: grilled-cheese sandwich and tomato soup. Tomato soup because, you know, the tomato soup is like the blood. And the vampires like to eat the blood. [chuckles] And then he wants me to take them out for ice cream, well, because Manny likes ice cream.

Quote from Manny

Whitney: This is so humiliating. I am sorry.
Gloria: It's okay.
Whitney: He just seemed so mature online. How could I be so stupid?
Manny: You're not stupid. "Stupid" is not following your heart and taking a chance on love.
Whitney: I mean, what kind of 11 -year-old talks like that? [crying]
Gloria: Manny's an old soul.
Manny: [to Whitney] Here. Use my handkerchief.

Quote from Manny

Manny: I'm sorry this didn't turn out like you wanted.
Whitney: That's okay. Probably didn't turn out how you wanted it either.
Manny: I'll tell you what. If neither of us is with anybody in 10 years, how about you and me give it a shot?
Whitney: That's disturbing. But maybe.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Seriously, Claire, you owe me an apology for breaking that.
Claire: Okay. Phil, I apologize for breaking the world's worst remote that you bought stupidly.
Phil: Excuse me, but the experts at CNET.com rated it the best remote. They gave it three and a half mice.
Claire: Wow. I have an idea. Let's invite the gang from CNET over and your old buddies from cheerleading, and we can have a nerd party.
Phil: Ling is not a nerd. He built his own helicopter. And if he was alive today-
Claire: Sweet pea, let's not talk about Ling. It upsets you too much.

Quote from Mitchell

Florist: [entering] Florist.
Mitchell: Yes. Come on in. He's over there with the flowers.
Cameron: Hello. I don't know what happened. They just, uh, somehow lost their vigor. [flowers catch fire] They were like this when we came home.
Mitchell: Cam. Cam.
Cameron: [screaming] Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh! Oh! Oh, my God! God, God!
Mitchell: Look at that. Two things flaming at once.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: [aside to camera] I came out of the closet in my mid-20s. I had to actually come out to my dad three times before he finally acknowledged it. I'm not sure if maybe he was hoping he heard it wrong, like I had said, "Dad, I'm gray."
Cameron: And my parents, they always just knew. My mother says labor with me took 36 hours because I came out of the womb like this, [jazz hands] "Hello!"

Quote from Phil

Phil: Why would you do that to a brand-new, very expensive remote?
Claire: Because I lost my temper, and it didn't work. Therefore, it's useless.
Phil: Well, honey, when it comes to anything electronic, you're not exactly the best student.
Claire: I am very smart. I had a 4.0 in college. How about you?
Phil: I was almost that despite my substantial time commitment to cheerleading.
Claire: I thought we agreed not to bring up the cheerleading.
[aside to camera:]
Phil: Cheerleading in my college was cool. The football players were so jealous, they wouldn't even let me and my buddies - Trevor, Scotty and Ling - go to their parties.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] Can people change? Well, that's a- That is a tough one, but I would say yes. People can change. That's what I believe anyway, and I will till the day I die.
Claire: You do realize you're proving the exact opposite of your point?
Phil: See? She's changed. She used to be very supportive of me.

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