‘The Help’
Season 5, Episode 6 - Aired October 23, 2013
Jay and Manny are upset when Gloria hires a male nanny. Phil's father, Frank, is in town and feeling lonely since he broke up with his girlfriend. Meanwhile, Mitchell and Cameron hire Pepper to plan their wedding.
Quote from Ronaldo
Mitchell: I-I think we have to fire Pepper.
Ronaldo: That would kill him. He's on the brink as it is.
Mitchell: Why?
Ronaldo: Since the proposition ocho was overturned, he's done 50 gay weddings. The man is exhausted, searching for new ideas.
Mitchell: You said "ocho" and then you said "50."
Ronaldo: You see? Gays are so nit-picky. In a straight wedding, you just have to please the bride, but the gays have such strong opinions! It takes a toll on a great artist like Pepper Saltzman.
Quote from Phil
Claire: I should talk to my dad. You know what? He was pretty down after the divorce. I bet he has some insight.
Phil: Yeah, 'cause your dad's so in touch with people's feelings? When a man is overcome with emotion at a Celine Dion concert, you do not tell him to grow a pair!
Claire: Phil!
Phil: The ship went down, but their love lasts forever!
Quote from Pepper
Pepper: No, I get it. You think I'm an idiot.
Cameron: No.
Mitchell: No! No, we don't, Pepper.
Pepper: Well, obviously, you know better than I. After all, I've only put on hundreds of magnificent weddings. Come, Ronaldo. They're not interested in planning a wedding. They're interested in hurting people.
Quote from Gloria
Jay: No begging. No begging. Stella, you're breaking my heart here.
Gloria: What's breaking your heart is that sausage and bacon. Can't you just pick one?
Jay: Don't worry. I'm gonna burn it off on the golf course.
Gloria: How, Jay? By riding the little cart or by kicking the ball back into play?
Quote from Gloria
Gloria: Here. I'm gonna take Joe Fulgencio to the park. Can you please stop by the grocery store?
Jay: Why doesn't the nanny do this? You got to be kidding me!
[aside to camera:]
Jay: Gloria has fired five nannies.
Gloria: I don't like another woman in my house. I want to be the star.
Jay: Stars have nannies.
Quote from Pepper
Pepper: Every wedding is unique, like a snowflake. [Mitchell gasps] And my job is to give you the snowflake that makes everyone die with jealousy.
Cameron: That's all we ever wanted.
Quote from Pepper
Cameron: We can consider purple. This is just a lot for us to take in.
Pepper: Of course. I get it. I Let the idea wash over you for a bit.
Ronaldo: We had also discussed a more neutral palette.
Pepper: Ronaldo! They're washing! [to Mitchell and Cameron] I'm sorry. He means well.
Quote from Pepper
Pepper: Now, let's talk about your entrance.
Cameron: Yes. Entrance.
Pepper: The idea of two men being able to marry seemed like a fantasy, so I see you riding down the purple aisle on a... Unicorn.
Quote from Manny
Jay: Gloria, we're back!
Andy: Here! Let me lighten your load.
Jay: Who are you?
Andy: I'm the new Manny.
Manny: Am I being replaced?
Gloria: Jay, Manny, meet Joe's new Manny, Andy.
Quote from Jay
Jay: That's a nonstarter. Keep looking.
Gloria: But he's perfect.
Jay: He's a man. It's weird. He's a weird man. He's like Phil, only I have to pay for him.