Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The Help’ Quotes

Modern Family: The Help

506. The Help

Aired October 23, 2013

Jay and Manny are upset when Gloria hires a male nanny. Phil's father, Frank, is in town and feeling lonely since he broke up with his girlfriend. Meanwhile, Mitchell and Cameron hire Pepper to plan their wedding.

Quote from Ronaldo

Mitchell: I-I think we have to fire Pepper.
Ronaldo: That would kill him. He's on the brink as it is.
Mitchell: Why?
Ronaldo: Since the proposition ocho was overturned, he's done 50 gay weddings. The man is exhausted, searching for new ideas.
Mitchell: You said "ocho" and then you said "50."
Ronaldo: You see? Gays are so nit-picky. In a straight wedding, you just have to please the bride, but the gays have such strong opinions! It takes a toll on a great artist like Pepper Saltzman.

Rate

Quote from Phil

Claire: I should talk to my dad. You know what? He was pretty down after the divorce. I bet he has some insight.
Phil: Yeah, 'cause your dad's so in touch with people's feelings? When a man is overcome with emotion at a Celine Dion concert, you do not tell him to grow a pair!
Claire: Phil!
Phil: The ship went down, but their love lasts forever!

Quote from Gloria

Jay: No begging. No begging. Stella, you're breaking my heart here.
Gloria: What's breaking your heart is that sausage and bacon. Can't you just pick one?
Jay: Don't worry. I'm gonna burn it off on the golf course.
Gloria: How, Jay? By riding the little cart or by kicking the ball back into play?

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Here. I'm gonna take Joe Fulgencio to the park. Can you please stop by the grocery store?
Jay: Why doesn't the nanny do this? You got to be kidding me!
[aside to camera:]
Jay: Gloria has fired five nannies.
Gloria: I don't like another woman in my house. I want to be the star.
Jay: Stars have nannies.

Quote from Pepper

Mitchell & Cameron: Pepper!
Pepper: [singing] Here come the grooms All dressed in fun tuxes from my Pepper collection.
Mitchell: Ha, wow. Look at all your ideas.
Pepper: Honey, this is just the index. Ronaldo! I brought linens and place settings and invitations and stemware.
Ronaldo: Hello. I'm Ronaldo.
Pepper: Oh, don't be such a chatterbox. And go and fetch the platter box. Now, let's lose this couch.
Mitchell: Wow, you need that much space, huh?
Pepper: No, it's hideous. This can't be news to you.

Quote from Pepper

Pepper: Every wedding is unique, like a snowflake. [Mitchell gasps] And my job is to give you the snowflake that makes everyone die with jealousy.
Cameron: That's all we ever wanted.

Quote from Pepper

Pepper: No, I get it. You think I'm an idiot.
Cameron: No.
Mitchell: No! No, we don't, Pepper.
Pepper: Well, obviously, you know better than I. After all, I've only put on hundreds of magnificent weddings. Come, Ronaldo. They're not interested in planning a wedding. They're interested in hurting people.

Quote from Pepper

Cameron: We can consider purple. This is just a lot for us to take in.
Pepper: Of course. I get it. I Let the idea wash over you for a bit.
Ronaldo: We had also discussed a more neutral palette.
Pepper: Ronaldo! They're washing! [to Mitchell and Cameron] I'm sorry. He means well.

Quote from Pepper

Pepper: Now, let's talk about your entrance.
Cameron: Yes. Entrance.
Pepper: The idea of two men being able to marry seemed like a fantasy, so I see you riding down the purple aisle on a... Unicorn.

Quote from Manny

Jay: Gloria, we're back!
Andy: Here! Let me lighten your load.
Jay: Who are you?
Andy: I'm the new Manny.
Manny: Am I being replaced?
Gloria: Jay, Manny, meet Joe's new Manny, Andy.

Quote from Jay

Jay: That's a nonstarter. Keep looking.
Gloria: But he's perfect.
Jay: He's a man. It's weird. He's a weird man. He's like Phil, only I have to pay for him.

Quote from Ronaldo

Ronaldo: But you can have both. Casual elegance, classic with a twist.
Mitchell & Cameron: Go on.
Ronaldo: I'd start with raw, natural-linen table runners to bring the two worlds together. We eschew the classic round tables for rectangular farm tables, but keep the setting clean and modern. And then-
Both: Yes!
Ronaldo: No, I mustn't. This is wrong. Pepper is my boss and my mentor!
Cameron: Oh, and he's our friend. What are we doing?
Mitchell: We- We got caught up. We gave in to temptation.
Ronaldo: I-I should go.
Mitchell: Don't!
Ronaldo: I must. Vintage handkerchiefs for the guests to cry into. [Mitchell and Cameron gasp]
Mitchell: Ronaldo, wait!
Ronaldo: French bistro stemless wine glasses. I've said too much.

Quote from Claire

Claire: Hi, I'm Claire. I'm Frank's daughter-in-law, and I just want to thank you so much for coming and helping him out this way. It was my idea.
Phil: No, it wasn't.
Jeannie: Okay.
Phil: All right.
Claire: No, hey. I've never told anyone this. But I have always wanted to do what you do. I think I'd be really good at it.
Phil: No, she wouldn't.
Claire: What are you talking about? It's basically what I already do for the whole neighborhood. At least this way, I get paid for it.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: I didn't sleep a wink. I-I cannot stop thinking about Ronaldo.
Mitchell: I know. I dreamt our wedding made the cover of Modern Gay Grooms and that there was a magazine called Modern Gay Grooms.

Quote from Ronaldo

Cameron: Let's just ask him to let Ronaldo take the lead.
Mitchell: And- And risk hurting Pepper? For all we know, Ronaldo hasn't even given us a second thought.
Ronaldo: [entering] I couldn't stop thinking about you. What happened here yesterday was real.
Cameron: Oh, Ronaldo! We felt it, too.
Mitchell: But what about Pepper?
Ronaldo: I left him.
Cameron: What?
Ronaldo: It's over. He doesn't look at me the way you do.
Mitchell: Ohh, this is all happening so fast.
Ronaldo: For me, too. But my heart was racing when I left here. You are my muses-es.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: Pepper, we can explain.
Pepper: Do you have any idea how hard I work?
Cameron: Well, maybe that's part of the problem.
Mitchell: I mean, you've been through the mill, Pepper. Heard it.

Quote from Ronaldo

Cameron: Pepper, do you hear what Ronaldo is saying?
Pepper: Of course I do. I'm not a fool. He thinks I can't set a table.
Mitchell: No.
Cameron: No, no, no. Ronaldo is in love with you. Go to him.
Pepper: What? You're in love with me?
Ronaldo: Si­. It is true. Yes.
Mitchell: God, that would drive me crazy.

Quote from Ronaldo

Pepper: Ronaldo, I-I don't know what to say. I mean, of course, when I hired you, I found you very attractive. That's why I hire all my people. But I I never thought you would find me...
Ronaldo: Perfecto? Because that's what you are. Perfect.
Mitchell: No. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I can't.

Quote from Manny

Gloria: I'm sorry that I ignored your feelings. I promise that I will try not to yell so much.
Jay: You're hired.
Manny: What?!
Andy: You better drink that smoothie. We're going on a run!
Manny: This isn't over.


 Episode 505 Episode 507 
  Select another episode