Mitchell: Hey, sweetie.
Lily: Hi.
Mitchell: How was your day?
Lily: Better than hers. What's wrong now?
Mitchell: Daddy's just having a moment.
Lily: He's always having a moment.

Mitchell: [crying] No, no.
Cameron: Mitchell, what's wrong?
Mitchell: I feel like Lily's inability to show feelings for other people might be my fault.
Cameron: Oh, honey, I think that too. But just take comfort in knowing you got there on your own.
Mitchell: I'm watching The Bridges of Madison County because it's the only thing that makes me cry. When she gets home, I'm gonna turn this off and pretend I was reading this.
Cameron: "Typhoon Flattens Orphanage."
Mitchell: Yeah. That's sad, right? Now get out of here, because she's gonna be home any second and I'm trying to stay sad.

Phil: You know what? We're bustin' in.
Luke: How? Smash a window with a brick?
Phil: I had something a little more elegant in mind. I think you forget that I gave birth to this building. I know her strengths and her weaknesses. [shakes doors] Did you see a brick?

Mitchell: Ow. Oh, God. That hurts.
Cameron: Oh, my gosh. You cut yourself.
Lily: Hey. Don't get blood in my eggs.
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: We're getting concerned that Lily hasn't developed an adequate sense of empathy.
Cameron: Insofar as she doesn't have any at all.

Mitchell: Don't you think you should have cared a little bit?
Lily: Why? You always get better.
Cameron: Well, so far.
Lily: What do you mean, "so far"?
Cameron: Um...
Mitchell: Well, uh...
Lily: Like someday you're not gonna get better? Like you're gonna die?
Mitchell: No. No, no, no, no. Not Not for a very, very long time.
Lily: Then why are we talking about it now?
Cameron: Hey, you brought it up.
Mitchell: I just wanted to make sure-
Lily: Stop! You're making me sad!

Alex: Mom, come on! I need to get to school!
Claire: Isn't today senior ditch day?
Haley: Today's ditch day? No way you're ditching ditch day. It's like the best week of senior year. Day.

Claire: Unlike this house, the library will be completely quiet so I can focus on my roommate selection.
Haley: How long can picking a nerdy roommate take? They're all versions of you. Look. Indian you. Blonde you. Asian you. Oh, look. Her name is actually "Yu."

Claire: Skipping one day of school isn't gonna do any harm. I ditched plenty, and look at me today. I am fielding multiple job offers.
Alex: One job offer.
Claire: From a very prominent hotel chain weighed against the implied offer of staying at my current job.
Haley: Working for your dad.
Claire: Exactly. And I could never leave Grandpa. So I'm going to say no to the first offer.
Alex: Only offer.
Claire: Though I would have made an excellent regional vice president in charge of promotions.
Alex: She is great at promotion. That title gets longer every time I hear it.

Haley: Come on. Don't go to school. Girls' day. We'll swing by the mall. You could use a new everything.

Phil: Girls, get in the car. Luke's hurt.
Alex: Oh, my God.
Haley: What happened?
Phil: He collapsed on the way to school. He's in the hospital. Come on.
[in the car:]
Alex: What's wrong with Luke? Why did he collapse?
Luke: I heard he was dead. [Haley, Alex scream] Ha, ha. You care about me.