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‘The Last Christmas’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Modern Family: The Last Christmas

1109. The Last Christmas

Aired December 11, 2019

Cameron is hoping to keep everyone happy for their annual Christmas dinner as he hides and prepares for his big interview for a head coaching position out of state. Meanwhile, Haley is excited to finally be reunited with wine; and Mitchell is suspicious of Cam’s holiday trip to visit his family in Missouri.

Quote from Dylan

Dylan: Oh, hey, can you move Haley away from me and the twins? My present to her is the night off from Mommy duties, so...
Cameron: Okay, well, I would've appreciated a little heads-up, but it's a thoughtful gift, so...
Dylan: It's also free, which is helpful because I forgot my ATM pin last summer. Any chance I ever mentioned my four favorite numbers to you?
Cameron: No.


Quote from Jay

Jay: Why are we talking about Manny, anyway, when this is clearly Phil's fault?
Phil: What?
Jay: Well, I mean, you obviously didn't teach Luke about the gentlemen's code.
Phil: I did so! Never leave a high-five hanging, no hug is too tight if you slap the guy's back...
Jay: It's never steal a broad from a friend, never let him grow a mustache unless they're a first responder.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Oh, and help yourself to a gingerbread person. They're both gluten and gender free.
Mitchell: Oh. Isn't they a cutie?

Quote from Haley

Mitchell: Do you really think that Cam's parents bought him a first-class ticket?
Haley: Aren't they poor? Don't they, like, eat plants and animals they find in their yard?
Mitchell: They're farmers, yes.

Quote from Haley

Haley: We gotta dig deeper. Get Cam's phone. Check his texts.
Mitchell: That's an invasion of his privacy. Plus, I don't even know his passcode.
Haley: Well, I just need his face. I break into Dylan's phone all the time while he's sleeping. Not that I need to. All he does is Google water parks.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: See, this is why I kept it a secret. Here I was, worried about you all ruining Christmas, and... now I've done it. I'm sorry, everyone.
Manny: You have no reason to be sorry.
Cameron: Yes, I do. I break up families. I'm Liz Taylor.
Mitchell: Why is it never a man?

Quote from Phil

Phil: I get it. I just wanted to bring a little joy to our country in this tumultuous time, but you're not from here, so maybe it doesn't matter as much to you.
Gloria: You see?
Phil: Yes. Yes. I'm sensitive. But I-I need this. New ideas, someone... someone to push up against me. And honestly, I can't think of anyone I'd rather have pushing up against me than you.
Gloria: Ay, Phil, it's been years. I can't pretend I don't hear those anymore.
Phil: Hear what?

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: Oh, look, sweetie. It says that this Missouri town has a lively art scene.
Lily: It says "ark scene." They're preparing for the Lord's next flood?
Mitchell: Oh. Fun.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Guys, I am nailing my seating chart.
Lily: Can you not put me near Luke? I can't with the chewing.
Cameron: You are a spoiled city kid. I was 11 before I got to sit at the people table.

Quote from Gloria

[aside to camera:]
Alex: Gloria's been working for my dad. He totally mentored her, and then the other day, I caught her interviewing with his competitors.
Gloria: So, if I come on board, do I have to change my hairstyle?
Madge: We'll talk about it.
Evan: It's kind of our thing.
[As Alex packs up her laptop and gets ready to leave the restaurant, she turns around to find Gloria standing there]
Gloria: Word to the wise... I'm like the last five Matthew McConaughey movies. You never saw me.

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