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‘Planes, Train and Cars’ Quotes

Modern Family: Planes, Train and Cars

321. Planes, Train and Cars

Aired May 2, 2012

After Phil spontaneously buys a sports car without consulting Claire, he braces for the backlash. Jay is determined to get to his high school reunion with Gloria and Manny in tow. Meanwhile, Mitchell and Cameron launch a rescue campaign after Lily's stuffed animal is lost on the metro.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] This weekend, we're going up to Pebble Beach. I'm gonna meet a bunch of guys I played high school football with. Man, those were the good old days.
Gloria: Yeah, unless you were a woman, black, Hispanic, or gay.
Jay: True, but if you were a straight white guy who played football, you really couldn't have a bad day.

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Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: No, the lengths that we're going to for a stuffed animal. You know, Cam, maybe it's time Lily learned about loss.
Cameron: No, she's 3, and I know. Do you know how many times I had to say good-bye to a furry friend on the farm?
Mitchell: And didn't it make you stronger?
Cameron: Yeah, because I was a growing boy and they were chock-full of protein. But it was still heartbreaking.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Gloria, it's either this, or we're in the motel.
Manny: I don't like the sound of that. A lot of amenities disappear when an "H" becomes an "M."
Jay: You know, when I met you, you were eating cereal out of a bucket.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] I was bummed not to be in my new cool car, so I wasn't joking around with the kids like I usually do. But, you know, there's something about driving your kids around. You're in the front, they're in the back. They forget you're there, and you learn so much. You're like Sigourney Weaver in "Gorillas in the Mist." Except gorillas make less noise chewing.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: I'm sorry, but these signs are ridiculous.
Cameron: Oh, you're right. I should have used Helvetica. It much better represents the urgency of our situation.

Quote from Claire

Claire: [aside to camera] Maybe I was a teeny bit mad. So I blew off my errands and headed up the coast. It was my turn to be irresponsible. And luckily, I had sunscreen in my purse.

Quote from Phil

Phil: How are you doing? Phil Dunphy. What do I have to do to get you to ask, "What do I have to do to get you into this car today?"

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: [aside to camera] We took Lily on her first train ride. Just a quick trip to Chinatown.
Cameron: I was worried she would think we were taking her back to Vietnam, but she seemed okay.
Mitchell: Yeah, yeah. Possibly because she was an infant when she left Vietnam. Also, Vietnam is not China.
Cameron: Well, I had a lollipop with me just in case.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Oh, I wanted a car like this since I was a kid.
Andre: Me, too.
Phil: I used to imagine the wind blowing through my perm, blasting some Hall & Oates, maybe horsing around with my Mr. Microphone.
Andre: Yeah, we wouldn't have been friends back then.

Quote from Manny

Manny: Well, I just talked to the concierge, and room service will save me a bread pudding.
Jay: Load off my mind.
Manny: You mock me, but "Travel and Leisure" says it's not to be missed.

Quote from Alex

Alex: Dad, I don't like this.
Phil: Why not?
Alex: My friend Molly's dad bought a sports car, and now he lives in a studio apartment and dates a girl who works at forever 21, which she won't be for two years.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Jay, tell me, why are we on the runway?
Jay: Surprise! We're taking a private plane.
Manny: Wow! I've never been on a private plane!
Gloria: And you never will. I am not getting on that little thing! What if the rubber band snaps and we fall out of the sky?

Quote from Jay

Jay: Don't blame me. It's your mom's fault.
Gloria: Do you know how many people have died in these planes? John Denver, Patsy Cline, Ritchie Valens.
Jay: I've heard you sing. I think you're safe.

Quote from Gloria

Jay: Damn it!
Gloria: What was that?
Jay: Giant pothole. The dash is lighting up like a Christmas tree. Tire's blown! This never would have happened if we were in the air!
Gloria: If this had happened in the air, we wouldn't be in the air. We would be in rock 'n' roll heaven!

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: No. I did not get in the little plane at the little airport! I'm not gonna get in this takka-takka-takka-takka flown by that guy that couldn't fix our car!

Quote from Lily

Mitchell: So what do you think, huh? Turtle or giraffe or, uh, little reindeer?
Lily: Where's Bunny now?
Mitchell: Uh, St. Louis.
Lily: Why?
Mitchell: He's visiting his girlfriend.
Lily: He doesn't have a girlfriend. He has a boyfriend!
Both: Oh!
Lily: I want Bunny!

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: No, no, Lily. Lily, uh, what about Miss, uh, Teddy Bear? Huh? No? Uh, Dr. Tiger? No? Mr. Fish?
Lily: I want Bunny. I'm going to St. Louis.
Cameron: Really? You don't know Nemo? It's on an endless loop in the den.
Mitchell: I have a job.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: You know, once, when I was a kid, my dad left my Luke Skywalker doll on an airplane, and I was so angry-
Cameron: Wait, which- Which Luke? Shorty robe or dress blacks?
Mitchell: Shorty robe.
Cameron: Oh, my.
Mitchell: And you know what he did to get it back? Not a damn thing. Nope. He didn't lift one pudgy finger to make a single phone call, and I got over it.
Cameron: Yeah, well, I want you and Lily to have the same healthy relationship you and your father have. For sure.

Quote from Claire

Phil: Hey, did you know there's a girl with a crush on Luke?
Claire: Olivia.
Phil: Yeah. Oh, and Haley's totally done with Corey.
Claire: That's new.
Phil: Alex is teaching herself Chinese so she'll be useful when they finish buying us.
Claire: She's so weird.
Phil: I really want to be able to drive the kids around. I need a bigger car for work. I made a mistake.
Claire: No, you didn't. You bought it for a reason. When did we stop coming to the beach?
Phil: I think it was when Alex started printing out water quality reports.
Claire: She'll be China's problem soon.

Quote from Manny

Manny: They say the important thing in life isn't the destination. It's the journey, the challenges you face along the way, the unexpected twists and turns, the disappointments you overcome. But they're wrong. It's all about the destination, especially when the destination is your amazing oceanfront hotel. Thank you again, Serena. Warmest regards, Manny Delgado.
Jay: What's he doing?
Gloria: He's sending flowers to the concierge.
Jay: Oh, jeez.
Manny: [clicks fingers] Hey, credit card.


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