Scrubs Quotes

Scrubs

Scrubs

Scrubs follows a group of medical students, J.D., Elliot and Turk, as they begin work at Sacred Heart teaching hospital.

Starring: Zach Braff, Sarah Chalke, Donald Faison, Neil Flynn, Ken Jenkins, John C. McGinley, Judy Reyes.
Recurring Actors: Robert Maschio, Sam Lloyd, Aloma Wright, Christa Miller, Johnny Kastl, Nicole Sullivan, Heather Graham, Tom Cavanagh, Elizabeth Banks, Eliza Coupe, Kerry Bishé, Michael Mosley, Dave Franco.
Original Run: 2001-2010.

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Quote from Elliot in My ABC's

Elliot: Katie. You don't have to do that.
Katie: I know. It's disgusting.
Elliot: You're just under so much pressure, I've been there.
Katie: Really?
Elliot: Oh, my God, my first week here, I totally screwed my best friend, J.D., just to look good in rounds. Well, not literally screwed. I mean, yes, later, we did it. But that was for totally different reasons. And honestly, it's been talked to death. But we are dating again. Don't tell anyone.
Katie: Got it.

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Quote from Turk in My Advice to You

J.D.: [v.o.] It's always nice when someone from Carla's family comes to town. Mostly because she cleans our apartment.
Carla: Why is there a pancake in the silverware drawer?
Turk: You mean, why is there silverware in the pancake drawer? Wuh-huh!

Quote from Janitor in My First Day

Janitor: The door is broke. Probably the fifth time or so it don't open.
J.D.: Maybe a penny's stuck in there.
Janitor: Why a penny?
J.D.: I don't know.
Janitor: Did you stick a penny in there?
J.D.: No, I was making small talk.
Janitor: If I find a penny in there, I'm taking you down.

Quote from J.D. in My Missed Perception

Mrs. Wilk: I choose Dr. Dorian.
J.D.: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I don't even believe it! I don't believe it-lieve it-lieve it! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yes! I'm shaking! Look at this! It's crazy-talk!
Mrs. Wilk: He played hearts with me all night.
Dr. Cox: [groans]
Mrs. Wilk: You're a very strange man, aren't you?
J.D.: I was a preemie.

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Quote from Elliot in My Interpretation

Elliot: Hey, I just met your patient, Mr. Mueller. We had such a nice chat.
J.D.: You speak German?
Elliot: Yeah, I can do a sweet little milkmaid. [sweetly speaks German] I can do an evil old hausfrau. [yells in German]
J.D.: German's such a beautiful language.

Quote from Dr. Cox in My Old Lady

Dr. Cox: So, she doesn't want dialysis?
J.D.: But what does that mean?
Dr. Cox: Well, if she declines dialysis, then there is no ethical dilemma.
J.D.: But what about our duty to do everything in our power to help-
Dr. Cox: [pretends to cry] "What about our duty as doctors?" Look, this has nothing to do with the patient. This is all about you. You are afraid of death. And you can't be. You're in medicine. You gotta accept that everything we do here, everything, is a stall. We're just trying to keep the game going, that's it. But, ultimately, it always ends up the same way.

Quote from Turk in My Friend the Doctor

Turk: Man, I hope you haven't eaten yet, because I'm about to force-feed you a can of my homemade whoop-ass!
Carla: Miguel doesn't speak English, baby. [speaks Spanish]... whoop-ass!
Turk: Thanks, sweetness!