Scrubs Quotes

Scrubs

Scrubs

Scrubs follows a group of medical students, J.D., Elliot and Turk, as they begin work at Sacred Heart teaching hospital.

Starring: Zach Braff, Sarah Chalke, Donald Faison, Neil Flynn, Ken Jenkins, John C. McGinley, Judy Reyes.
Recurring Actors: Robert Maschio, Sam Lloyd, Aloma Wright, Christa Miller, Johnny Kastl, Nicole Sullivan, Heather Graham, Tom Cavanagh, Elizabeth Banks, Eliza Coupe, Kerry Bishé, Michael Mosley, Dave Franco.
Original Run: 2001-2010.

Quote of the Day

Friday, July 30, 2021

Quote from Elliot in My Lucky Charm

Carla: Yo, who taught you how to fight like that?
Elliot: When you grow up in an orchard, you don't have much choice. Apple thieves.

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Quote from Turk in My Advice to You

J.D.: [v.o.] It's always nice when someone from Carla's family comes to town. Mostly because she cleans our apartment.
Carla: Why is there a pancake in the silverware drawer?
Turk: You mean, why is there silverware in the pancake drawer? Wuh-huh!

Quote from Janitor in My First Day

Janitor: The door is broke. Probably the fifth time or so it don't open.
J.D.: Maybe a penny's stuck in there.
Janitor: Why a penny?
J.D.: I don't know.
Janitor: Did you stick a penny in there?
J.D.: No, I was making small talk.
Janitor: If I find a penny in there, I'm taking you down.

Quote from J.D. in My Missed Perception

Mrs. Wilk: I choose Dr. Dorian.
J.D.: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I don't even believe it! I don't believe it-lieve it-lieve it! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yes! I'm shaking! Look at this! It's crazy-talk!
Mrs. Wilk: He played hearts with me all night.
Dr. Cox: [groans]
Mrs. Wilk: You're a very strange man, aren't you?
J.D.: I was a preemie.

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Quote from Dr. Cox in Our Stuff Gets Reals

Dr. Cox: There. I just signed your ridiculous will. But before I give it to you, I'd like you to make me a promise that just you and I can go away this weekend. No kids.
Jordan: The no-kids thing is not really a big deal, 'cause I don't see them that much anyway. But it would be really nice to get away from the nannies.
Dr. Cox: Your will. I'd like to propose a toast. To our deaths. May they be untimely and inconvenient for all our loved ones.
Jordan: So sweet. [clink]
Dr. Cox: I love you.

Quote from Dr. Kelso in My Hypocritical Oath

Dr. Cox: There is no chance I am missing this game. No chance, no how. What the- Say, Bob, what the hell happened in your office?
Dr. Kelso: Oh, every year, the med students get me with a practical joke. They messed with the speed control on my treadmill. What I can't figure is how they got into my office.
[flashback:]
Ted: Here's the key to Kelso's office.
Dr. Cox: And here's Nurse Tisdale's phone number.
[present:]
Dr. Cox: I don't have any idea how they might've gotten in here, Bob. But I can tell you this, if you think I'm missing the biggest game of the year-
Dr. Kelso: I hate to interrupt you, but I'm still woozy from being shot into my wall like a lawn dart, so why don't you just go work your shift and use my VCR to tape the game?
Dr. Cox: When did you get this?
Dr. Kelso: Right about the time we couldn't afford that MRI machine.
Dr. Cox: Of course you did.

Quote from Dr. Kelso in My Own Personal Jesus

Dr. Kelso: You know, I don't want to sound insensitive, but why don't these people have any money?
Elliot: I don't know, sir, they probably waste it all on food. Dr. Kelso, I need you to precept a patient. Nineteen-year-old complaining of abdominal pain, turns out she's at least eight months pregnant. I'm just going to let one of the family practice people handle it.
Dr. Kelso: Well, that sounds like a wonderful idea, sweetheart, except I heard your smart-aleck remark a second ago, so why don't you just keep your little pregnant girl? It'll be good practice for you since you'll probably end up in a female specialty anyway.
Elliot: What do you mean by that? I'm internal medicine.
Dr. Kelso: Well, of course you are. But numbers don't lie and most women end up in OB-GYN, family practice or pediatrics. It's like a riptide, sweetheart, pulling and pulling, and you can swim against the current all you want. But when Mr. Stork comes a-calling, you're not going to be thinking, "I'm internal medicine." It's gonna be, "Oh! Look at the baby!"
Elliot: Sir, I have to say, I'm offended.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, no. Now I have to go buy flowers to make it right.