Scrubs Quotes

Scrubs

Scrubs

Scrubs follows a group of medical students, J.D., Elliot and Turk, as they begin work at Sacred Heart teaching hospital.

Starring: Zach Braff, Sarah Chalke, Donald Faison, Neil Flynn, Ken Jenkins, John C. McGinley, Judy Reyes.
Recurring Actors: Robert Maschio, Sam Lloyd, Aloma Wright, Christa Miller, Johnny Kastl, Nicole Sullivan, Heather Graham, Tom Cavanagh, Elizabeth Banks, Eliza Coupe, Kerry Bishé, Michael Mosley, Dave Franco.
Original Run: 2001-2010.

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Quote from Elliot in My Karma

Elliot: I can't take it, Carla. I cannot hide the crazy a minute longer. The worst part is, Paul is this perfect guy who wants to take things slow with me. And I'm just this big mountain of cuckoo about to erupt and spew molten crazy over him and he's gonna die like this.
Carla: Calm down, Elliot. Do what I used to do. Find people who don't even know Paul, and just let it out in little bursts.
Dr. Kelso: Good afternoon, ladies.
Elliot: You know, when I was a kid, I got a sunburn like that. I just peeled all the skin off, put it in a pile and ate it.
Dr. Kelso: Good Lord.

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Quote from Turk in My Advice to You

J.D.: [v.o.] It's always nice when someone from Carla's family comes to town. Mostly because she cleans our apartment.
Carla: Why is there a pancake in the silverware drawer?
Turk: You mean, why is there silverware in the pancake drawer? Wuh-huh!

Quote from Janitor in My First Day

Janitor: The door is broke. Probably the fifth time or so it don't open.
J.D.: Maybe a penny's stuck in there.
Janitor: Why a penny?
J.D.: I don't know.
Janitor: Did you stick a penny in there?
J.D.: No, I was making small talk.
Janitor: If I find a penny in there, I'm taking you down.

Quote from J.D. in My Missed Perception

Mrs. Wilk: I choose Dr. Dorian.
J.D.: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I don't even believe it! I don't believe it-lieve it-lieve it! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yes! I'm shaking! Look at this! It's crazy-talk!
Mrs. Wilk: He played hearts with me all night.
Dr. Cox: [groans]
Mrs. Wilk: You're a very strange man, aren't you?
J.D.: I was a preemie.

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Quote from Turk in My Rule of Thumb

Turk: That's Stephanie, our new transplant patient.
Dr. Cox: Oh. And you picked her, so I'm quite sure she is so very nice.
Stephanie: No, actually she's alienated every member of my surgical team.
Dr. Cox: Sweetheart, you're not even on the surgical team.
Turk: [loudly] I am a very important part of the team that- [normally] I am a very important part of the team, thank you very much.
Dr. Cox: I see, so what, that's that's it? You say she gets the liver and that's the way it goes?
Turk: No, she gets the liver because she followed the rules. Dr. Cox, I know it's really hard on you medical guys, because you spend most of your time with your patients and you get emotionally attached. But as a surgeon, the person I'm closest to is the guy who's giving us the liver. Because it's a gift. And I think it's important that it goes to the person that's proven they're up to the responsibility.
Dr. Cox: Holy cow, I get it. I gotta collect myself for a moment, here. That's very touching.
Turk: You know I'm right.

Quote from Dr. Kelso in My Chopped Liver

Carla: Dr. Kelso, we need to talk.
Dr. Kelso: Baxter was a good dog. You never think you're gonna miss animals as much as you do. It was just nice having some creature in my life who never disappointed me, never judged me, never showed up late at my 50th birthday party with freshly pierced nipples and a barely legal Filipino boy named Pogo - my son Harrison.
Carla: I figured.
Dr. Kelso: Man's best friend, huh? They got that one right.
Carla: At least you've stopped crying.
Dr. Kelso: No, not really. My body just can't produce tears anymore because I've intentionally dehydrated myself. It's a risky move, I know, but Dr. Jarvis here said it'll be all right.
Carla: There's nobody standing behind you.
Dr. Kelso: I'm going to need an IV.

Quote from Turk in My Advice to You

Carla: And Turk, you don't mind if every now and then Marco and I speak Spanish to each other, right?
Turk: Baby, fo'shizzle-dizzle. Do your thizzle, 'cause I'm up out this pizzle. Church! See, we got our own secret language, too.
Marco: [Spanish: "What did he say?"]
Carla: [Spanish: "I have no idea."]
Both: [Spanish: "Jackass!"]