That '70s Show Quotes

That '70s Show

That '70s Show

A group of teenage friends enjoy the final years of the '70s in small-town Wisconsin.

Starring: Topher Grace, Mila Kunis, Ashton Kutcher, Danny Masterson, Laura Prepon, Wilmer Valderrama, Debra Jo Rupp, Kurtwood Smith, Don Stark.
Recurring Actors: Tanya Roberts, Lisa Robin Kelly, Tommy Chong.
Original Run: 1998-2006.

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Quote from Kelso in The Trials of Michael Kelso

Jackie: So what kind of career do you see yourself in?
Kelso: Okay, well, I was considering becoming a doctor.
Jackie: Ooh. A doctor? That's so mature.
Kelso: Or a rodeo clown.
Jackie: Rodeo clown? You want to be a rodeo clown. Why?
Kelso: Rodeo clowns are the unsung heroes of the new West. And you know I've always enjoyed being inside of barrels.


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Quote from Red in That '70s Finale

Kelso: Oh, Mr. Forman, can I light this off in your house?
Red: Sure and then I'll light my foot off in your ass.
Hyde: And that, my friends, is the last "foot-in-ass" of the decade. Cheers.
Kitty: Michael, it is so good to see you. The girls in the emergency room were just asking about you.
Kelso: You know, it's like I've been gone for so long, I almost forgot you're a hot mom.
Kitty: Oh! [giggles]
Red: You know what else is hot? My foot when it's in your ass.
Hyde: Look at that. He had one more in him.

Quote from Red in Till the Next Goodbye

Red: I can't believe that is what you idiots have been doing in my basement all these years!
[The background behind Red and Kitty sways as Eric stares at them]
Red: I wish I had 2,000 feet so I could put 500 of them in each of your asses!

Quote from Red in On with the Show

Red: Have you been in bed all day?
Eric: Yeah, I have. I've been reading the Jack Kerouac classic On The Road. See, as I see it, why get out of bed when you can read about people who got out of bed?
Red: You have got to be the laziest non-communist I've ever met. And you are about to read a book that my foot wrote. It's called On The Road To In Your Ass.

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Quote from Red in Eric's Stash

Hyde: Hey, what are you doin', Red?
Red: Ah, I borrowed Eric's Candy Land money to pay for the water heater.
Hyde: You, uh, you took Eric's money?
Red: Shh. He doesn't know a thing about it. It's back now. He'll be none the wiser. [Eric enters] Hey, hey! How ya doin'? [Red exits]

Quote from Kitty in Black Dog

Donna: Mr. and Mrs. Forman, can you settle this for us? If someone you love is kinda depressed should you shower them with kindness or give them space?
Kitty: Well, now, that's a very good question. And it really takes a lot of living with someone to get it right.
Red: That's true.
Kitty: But you'll find the thing to do is...
Red: Give them space.
Kitty: ...shower them. What did you say?
Red: I said what you said.
Kitty: You're lying.
Red: Oh, come on, Kitty. When menopause makes you crazy... I could be with you all day and it wouldn't do any good. You need space.
Kitty: Oh. Menopause makes me crazy? I'm crazy? I'm crazy?! Well, if you want space, Red Forman, you got it! This crazy lady's out the crazy door! [exits]
Red: We were having a nice lunch.

Quote from Red in Red Fired Up

Kitty: Hi. How was your day?
Red: I had to let Earl go.
Eric: Let Earl go? You yelled at him until he cried.
Red: Hey. What kind of a man cries after only 15 minutes of yelling?
Eric: Well, I'm sorry. I don't like the way you handled Earl. Dad, he was your friend.
Kitty: Eric, hush, hush, hush, hush.
Red: Eric, work is work. You don't show up late, you don't make excuses, and you don't not work. If it wasn't work, they wouldn't call it work. They'd call it super, wonderful, crazy fun time. Or skippity-doo. Oh, jeez. Why the hell am I even talking to you?