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‘Dance Dance Revelation’ Quotes

Modern Family: Dance Dance Revelation

210. Dance Dance Revelation

Aired December 8, 2010

Claire feels threatened when Gloria wants to volunteer on the school dance committee. Jay pushes Phil to stand up for himself on a trip to the mall. Meanwhile, Mitchell and Cameron are concerned about Lily's biting.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: He's probably just confused. You know who I bet did it, though? Billy. Rhymes with "Lily." Plus, he is very aggressive.
Cameron: His babysitter is right over there. She's- She's not much of a disciplinarian. Because I can assure you if our child did something like this we would be on her like white on rice. And I know that sounds a little bit like a racial slur because we're white and she presumably likes rice but I didn't intend it that way.

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Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: There's a whole section on biting on this mommy forum.
Cameron: Oh, good. What does it say?
Mitchell: "My son was biting, so I got a stranger to yell at him. Being disciplined by someone else outside the family scared him into stopping."
Cameron: Idiots!
Mitchell: Cam.
Cameron: I am not hiring some hobo to come over here and traumatize my child. She's already prone to flashbacks, if you know what I mean.
Mitchell: Okay, you know she didn't fight in Vietnam, right?
Cameron: I don't know anything anymore.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: What else does it say?
Mitchell: Okay, well, this one says, "When my daughter bit her brother I put a pinch of pepper in her mouth. She cried and cried, but she never bit again." Smiley face.
Cameron: Oh, well, the smiley face makes it okay. I waterboarded our toddler. LOL.
Mitchell: All right, what do you suggest we do?
Cameron: That we log off the Spanish Inquisition Web site and handle this with love.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: I am so sorry. I am so sorry. No, just come over. We'll watch a movie, put the whole thing behind you. Okay, see you in a bit. That was Longines. He's in a very bad place.
Mitchell: Oh, no. What happened?
Cameron: Well, apparently some maniac went crazy at the mall and attacked him with Oasis for Men.
Mitchell: Oh, well, I think we all knew that day was coming.

Quote from Jay

Phil: It's Dunphy.
Jay: That's what I said Dumphy.
Phil: No, not "Dum." Dunphy.
Jay: Dumphy.
Phil: Say "Dun."
Jay: Dun.
Phil: Say "phy."
Jay: Phy.
Phil: Dunphy.
Jay: Dumphy.

Quote from Manny

Jay: Come on. Today, Miss Daisy.
Manny: Actually, Miss Daisy was the one being driven, not the one driving.
Jay: Never saw it.
Manny: It's called Driving Miss Daisy.
Jay: You got a real lip on you today, you know that?

Quote from Gloria

Claire: Gloria, Gus is a symbol.
Gloria: A sex symbol?
Claire: Oh, stop it, Gloria. I'm already crying.
Gloria: Claire, I didn't come here to steal your thunder. Your thunder is your thunder and my thunder is my thunder.

Quote from Phil

Longinus: Oasis for Men?
Phil: That's funny. You made that sound like a question, then you didn't wait for me to answer.
Longinus: What?
Phil: Here, let me show you. You go- You go, "Oasis for Men?" You see what I mean? You went "Oasis for Men?" You should have said, "Oasis for Men." Then I go, "Yeah. Give me two." But instead, you went, "Oasis for Men."
Longinus: Okay, I get it.
Phil: You see what I mean?
Longinus: I get it!
Phil: No, I'm not sure you do! You sprayed before "men." You went "Oasis for Men."
Longinus: Okay. Okay.
Phil: Men. Men.
Longinus: Okay, stop it.
Phil: Men! Men! Men! Men! Men!
Longinus: Stop it!
Phil: Men! Men! Men! Men! Men!
Longinus: Stop it! Stop it!
Phil: Men! Men! Men! Men!

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Ay, look. This might work.
Manny: Well, except that it's turquoise. Oh, and a bra!
Gloria: Do you think the kids in my village have pocket squares?
Manny: Here we go with the village.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: [aside to camera] It's time to play everyone's favorite game.
Cameron: "Let's blame the gay dads."
Mitchell: You know who had straight parents? Adolf Hitler.
Cameron: Charles Manson.
Mitchell: Shall we go on?
Cameron: Naomi Campbell.

Quote from Jay

Phil: Guys, I am just bursting with pride right now. Your first dance. Soon you're gonna be men. I want you to know there's more to being a man than just shopping for fancy outfits.
Jay: Yep. Pretty soon you get some hair on your chest. You start answering the phone, people don't think you're ladies.

Quote from Claire

[asides to camera, separately:]
Gloria: A few weeks ago, they asked for someone to be in charge of the school dance and I volunteered.
Claire: The school asks for volunteers so that everybody will feel included. But who are they kidding? They want me to do it. I've put on every school dance since Haley was 12. It's my thing.
Gloria: They made us cochairs which means we're supposed to do everything together. But Claire won't take any of my ideas.
Claire: She suggested an Arabian Nights theme. Isn't it a little soon?

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: I mean the nerve of that lady, accusing Lily.
Mitchell: Mmm. You know what? You can't change people, Cam. I mean, we just have to rise above.
Cameron: Ow! Ohh!
Mitchell: What happened?
Cameron: She bit me.
Mitchell: Are you serious?
Cameron: Ohh! She did it again. It's like Twilight back here.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Guess who fit into the suit on the mannequin and saved us 20%?
Luke: Here's something I didn't know about mannequins, they don't have a wiener.
Manny: What the heck is that?
Phil: It's a nicer word for "penis."

Quote from Jay

Jay: Now this is what I'm talking about, boys. You give people an inch, they'll run all over you.
Phil: Or you could just be nice. Pay it forward. They don't make movies out of bad ideas.
Jay: All I know is you gotta fight for what you want. If there's one job available, this guy just got it and they go hungry at the Dumphys.
Phil: Dunphys!

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: Okay, I don't get it. Why is she biting? Lily, why are you biting?
Cameron: She's not biting, she's teething.
Mitchell: On people. All right, she starts biting her playdates, she's gonna be a pariah.
Cameron: Try piranha.
Mitchell: Really, Cam?
Cameron: It was right there.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Hey. I don't know what happened. I just- I I don't know what happened.
Jay: Look, I might have come down on you a little bit hard today. I'm sorry.
Phil: I remember pretending to go look for some socks.
Jay: I mean, it's, uh, my fault. I pushed your buttons. My father-in-law was the same way with me. It was horrible.
Phil: Grandpa Lucus? He was a sweetheart.
Jay: Yeah, after the stroke mellowed him out good. Before, an animal.
Phil: We named Luke after him.
Jay: Everything I did was wrong. If I said it was white, he'd say it was black. Although he never said anything was black, 'cause he was a pretty big racist.
Phil: I wear his watch.

Quote from Jay

Jay: I hated him. Hated him! And I was thinking, I don't know I don't want you to think the same way about me.
Phil: You ever think about maybe not being a jerk to me so much?
Jay: You see, you got to stop taking that stuff personally. I'm like that with everybody. I'm tough.
Phil: And mean.
Jay: I don't like to take guff.
Phil: Or people's feelings into consideration.
Jay: Okay, okay. I can't swear my way is the right way. I see you smiling, skipping around and I think sometimes, I don't know, maybe the boys would be better off if they were a little bit more like you.
Phil: You know skipping burns more calories than running, that's-
Jay: We're done here.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Okay, Lily. [singing, playing ukulele] Take a bite of an apple Take a bite of a pear Take a bite of the cookie that you left over there Here's one thing you should never do Don't bite Taylor or Brandon or Sue Because people aren't food People aren't food Your friends will run away if they're scared of being chewed And as a side note, private parts are private .

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: Did she just bite you again?
Cameron: No.
Mitchell: That is it. I am getting the pepper.
Cameron: No. No, you are not.
Mitchell: Cam, you're not doing her any favors by being soft.
Cameron: Why don't you just skip the pepper, I'll get some pliers and we'll pull her teeth now!

Quote from Luke

Claire: Oh, look at you two in your matching ties.
Manny: Don't get me started.
Claire: Oh, come here. Luke, sweetie, are you wearing cologne?
Luke: No. Dad attacked the perfume guy and then hugged me.


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