Sal Quotes Page 1 of 2

Quote from Do You Believe In Magic

Sal: Fausta here can babysit Sammy and General Tsour over there. Sammy, tell your guncles hello like I taught you.
Sammy: Enchante.
Mitchell: What am I looking at here?
Sal: I'm raising him gay. Tell Uncle Mitchell what you think about those pants.
Sammy: Tragic.
Sal: Oh, it's sticking! [laughs]

Quote from The Wedding (Part 1)

Sal: Surprise! Guess who's on time.
Mitchell: Oh, my God! Sal, wow, you're pregnant.
Cameron: Congratulations!
Sal: Thank you. We're really excited.
Lily: You're huge.
Sal: Nice teeth.

Quote from Great Expectations

Cameron: I'm just gonna go check on Lily real quick.
Sal: Right now?
Cameron: Yeah. It'll just take a second.
Sal: Well, I'm just- You're gonna miss me sluttin' it up with Driving Miss Daisy.
Cameron: It'll just take a second. Real fast.
Sal: You should kill that baby.
Mitchell: What?
Sal: You should call the baby. I love you guys so much.
Cameron: Did she just-
Mitchell: I'm scared.

Quote from The Wedding (Part 1)

Sal: Cam, Mitch, Peps, this guy. This is Eddie, my baby daddy.
Cameron: So, why didn't you tell us?
Sal: Oh, you know, we just wanted to get through that first trimester before we let the cat out of the bag.
Pepper: When was that last summer?
Mitchell: So, y-you're you're how far along now?
Eddie: About four months. Right, honey?
Sal: Four months. Yep. Yeah. Just about the exact amount of time Eddie and I have been together.
Ronaldo: I don't understand. Four is this many, yes?
Pepper: Si.

Quote from The Wedding (Part 2)

Eric: But we've only been together four months.
Sal: I just love you so much, I can't wait to have your baby. God! Kids ruin everything!
Claire: Yeah, they sure do.
Eric: Let's get you to the hospital and have our miracle baby.
Sal: Okay. Just so you know, sometimes when babies come this early, they're black.

Quote from Do You Believe In Magic

Sal: All right, you old bags, put your teeth in, you're taking me out.
Cameron: Sal, what are you doing here?
Sal: It's Valentine's Day and my new German boyfriend, Werner, is out of town, and I don't like to drink alone.
[all laugh] The first part's true.

Quote from Do You Believe In Magic

Sal: Werner is great. You know, he's a rich musician, tours a lot, no strings.
Mitchell: Well, um... [Mitchell and Cameron yawn] This has been fun, but we should, uh...
Sal: You're not going anywhere, Carrot Bottom.

Quote from Do You Believe In Magic

Sal: Finally. I was beginning to think she was weaker than Mitchell's jawline. Everyone knows why you grew that thing.

Quote from Best Men

Cameron: We're just happy you're happy. And we're excited that we're gonna get to see so much more of you now.
Mitchell: Yes. We'll be couple friends. We'll go to movies.
Cameron: Take classes.
Mitchell: Oh, our game nights on Saturday, they're epic, yeah. Do you play Cranium?
Sal: Well, if I'm playing board games on a Saturday night, you can shoot me in my cranium. But I love you!

Quote from The Wedding (Part 1)

Mitchell: Has anyone heard from Sal?
Pepper: No. And I will never understand why you asked that boozy us-hag to officiate your wedding.
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: We didn't exactly ask Sal.
[flashback:]
Cameron: Sal. We have something very important to talk to you about.
Mitchell: Yeah, we hope that maybe you would be open to the idea-
Sal: Yes! I will totally officiate your wedding! Oh, my drinks!
[aside to camera:]
Cameron: It was supposed to be an intervention.

Quote from Three Dinners

Jay: I was just coming to see you.
Shorty: Um, I left my jacket.
Jay: Oh! There it is! Come on in. Uh, Shorty, you know that stuff I said, uh-
Shorty: Yeah, I get it.
Jay: We're good, huh?
Shorty: Under the bridge. All right. I'll see you.

Quote from Do You Believe In Magic

Sal: Cameron, Mitchell, what a pleasant surprise.
Mitchell: Sal, you okay? You seem not yourself.
Cameron: Yeah, I feel like you used to blink.
Sal: I took your advice. Called Werner. Told him I wasn't going to settle.
Mitchell: How did that- [glass shatters] How how did that go?
Sal: He was thinking that we might be something special, and then I gave him the ultimatum, and he said, "Maybe we're not actually meant to be."
Mitchell: I don't know what's happening. S-Sal, w-what are you doing? Straightening up.
Sal: You know, a place for everything-
Mitchell: No.
Sal: Everything in its place.
Haley: Hey, what about this?
Sal: This was actually salvaged from the Bismarck. [kicks it into the sea]

Quote from Do You Believe In Magic

Sal: That cold water woke me up to the hard truth I'm smart, I'm beautiful, I'm legendary in bed,
Cameron: Okay.
Sal: Yet I do settle. I mean, Werner is not good enough for me. I mean, I get why you two idiots settled. This is the best you're gonna do, right here. You're perfectly matched.
Both: Aww.
Cameron: Well, it's kind of sweet when you look at it that way.
Mitchell: Yeah. We are very lucky.
Cameron: Happy Valentine's Day.
Mitchell: Yeah, happy Valentine's Day.
Sal: Shut up. Read a room, poofs.

Quote from Fight or Flight

Sal: This is little Sammy.
Cameron: Aw! This is as long as you've ever been in our house without a cocktail.
Sal: No, thank you. Just a water, please. [all gasp] Okay, everybody, drop your pearls. I'm still breast-feeding. All the books say do it at least a year.

Quote from Fight or Flight

Cameron: Sal! Oh, well, you're back.
Sal: What the hell are you four doing?
Mitchell: You walked out and left your baby without saying a word so maybe we'll be asking the questions.
Sal: I told John-John where I was going.
Mitchell: The drunkest guy at the party.
Sal: Excuse me for not wanting to interrupt your fierce debate "Who's hotter, Mr. Clean or the Brawny paper towel man?"