Sal Quotes Page 1 of 3

Quote from The Wedding (Part 1)

Sal: Surprise! Guess who's on time.
Mitchell: Oh, my God! Sal, wow, you're pregnant.
Cameron: Congratulations!
Sal: Thank you. We're really excited.
Lily: You're huge.
Sal: Nice teeth.

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Quote from Do You Believe In Magic

Sal: Fausta here can babysit Sammy and General Tsour over there. Sammy, tell your guncles hello like I taught you.
Sammy: Enchante.
Mitchell: What am I looking at here?
Sal: I'm raising him gay. Tell Uncle Mitchell what you think about those pants.
Sammy: Tragic.
Sal: Oh, it's sticking! [laughs]

Quote from Great Expectations

Cameron: I'm just gonna go check on Lily real quick.
Sal: Right now?
Cameron: Yeah. It'll just take a second.
Sal: Well, I'm just- You're gonna miss me sluttin' it up with Driving Miss Daisy.
Cameron: It'll just take a second. Real fast.
Sal: You should kill that baby.
Mitchell: What?
Sal: You should call the baby. I love you guys so much.
Cameron: Did she just-
Mitchell: I'm scared.

Quote from The Wedding (Part 1)

Sal: Cam, Mitch, Peps, this guy. This is Eddie, my baby daddy.
Cameron: So, why didn't you tell us?
Sal: Oh, you know, we just wanted to get through that first trimester before we let the cat out of the bag.
Pepper: When was that last summer?
Mitchell: So, y-you're you're how far along now?
Eddie: About four months. Right, honey?
Sal: Four months. Yep. Yeah. Just about the exact amount of time Eddie and I have been together.
Ronaldo: I don't understand. Four is this many, yes?
Pepper: Si.

Quote from The Wedding (Part 2)

Eric: But we've only been together four months.
Sal: I just love you so much, I can't wait to have your baby. God! Kids ruin everything!
Claire: Yeah, they sure do.
Eric: Let's get you to the hospital and have our miracle baby.
Sal: Okay. Just so you know, sometimes when babies come this early, they're black.

Quote from Best Men

Cameron: We're just happy you're happy. And we're excited that we're gonna get to see so much more of you now.
Mitchell: Yes. We'll be couple friends. We'll go to movies.
Cameron: Take classes.
Mitchell: Oh, our game nights on Saturday, they're epic, yeah. Do you play Cranium?
Sal: Well, if I'm playing board games on a Saturday night, you can shoot me in my cranium. But I love you!

Quote from The Wedding (Part 1)

Mitchell: Has anyone heard from Sal?
Pepper: No. And I will never understand why you asked that boozy us-hag to officiate your wedding.
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: We didn't exactly ask Sal.
[flashback:]
Cameron: Sal. We have something very important to talk to you about.
Mitchell: Yeah, we hope that maybe you would be open to the idea-
Sal: Yes! I will totally officiate your wedding! Oh, my drinks!
[aside to camera:]
Cameron: It was supposed to be an intervention.

Quote from Do You Believe In Magic

Sal: All right, you old bags, put your teeth in, you're taking me out.
Cameron: Sal, what are you doing here?
Sal: It's Valentine's Day and my new German boyfriend, Werner, is out of town, and I don't like to drink alone.
[all laugh] The first part's true.

Quote from Do You Believe In Magic

Sal: Werner is great. You know, he's a rich musician, tours a lot, no strings.
Mitchell: Well, um... [Mitchell and Cameron yawn] This has been fun, but we should, uh...
Sal: You're not going anywhere, Carrot Bottom.

Quote from Do You Believe In Magic

Sal: Finally. I was beginning to think she was weaker than Mitchell's jawline. Everyone knows why you grew that thing.

Quote from Finale Part 1

Sal: I do not like being the first person at a party.
Mitchell: Uh, oh, actually, you're the last one.
Cameron: Yeah, Sal, everybody's gone.
Sal: What?! Boo! Gays used to be so fun, before kids. Come on! Let's do shots! You know this house is only a block from my new place. Well, it's not "mine," but I get to stay there for free 'cause I let the guy who owns it watch me on webcams. Aah! I'm gonna be coming over all the time! Yay! And, um, Happy Face Emoji here can babysit my dogs and kid. And you guys cook, right? Ahh, 'cause my gummy's kicking in.
Mitchell: Actually, I'm feeling better about the move already.

Quote from Great Expectations

Sal: So you guys are gonna have to bring Lily to Cabo, now that you're the guys that always bring Lily?
Mitchell: Well, you know-
Cameron: Yeah, probably.
Sal: I will throw her in the ocean.
Mitchell: What?
Sal: I said I gotta go pee.
Cameron: Okay, that wasn't even close.
Mitchell: Nope.

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