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‘A Slight at the Opera’ Quotes

Modern Family: A Slight at the Opera

414. A Slight at the Opera

Aired February 6, 2013

When the lead actor in Cameron's school production of "Phantom of the Opera" is taken ill, Manny is desperate to replace him. Phil joins Jay on the golf course, where they compete against Mitchell and Pepper. Meanwhile, Alex can barely contain her skepticism when Gloria takes her to a psychic, and Claire gets distracted as she looks after Lily and baby Joe.

Quote from Phil

Claire: Oh, you always do this. You cram stuff in the freezer without thinking about it. I opened the door, and a frozen turkey almost fell on my foot.
Phil: I keep pulling it to the left. Are we sure the house is level?
Claire: Are you not the least bit sorry? I could have broken a toe.
Phil: Honey, I'm sorry for dozens of things every day that actually happen. If I start apologizing for things that don't happen, how productive of a person would I be?

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Quote from Gloria

Gloria: No, it's not just me. Three mothers are giving the party, and we need all our names in the card: Gloria Pritchett, Sara Leonard, Dee Cho. What do you mean that there's no more room? Dee Cho must go on.
Alex: Okay, come on. That one had to be on purpose.

Quote from Pepper

Pepper: Don't listen to him. He's "Cat's in the Cradling" you.
Mitchell: What?
Pepper: He's playing on your emotions so you lose your edge. I do it to my son all the time.
Jay: Did he say "son"?
Pepper: Yes. He's a Navy S.E.A.L. Oh, I've said too much.
Phil: What's "Cats in the cradle"?
Pepper: You know, that song about the dad who misses all the important moments in his kid's life? Stay strong, just like Kyle did in Yemen. Oh, my God, I'm a sieve.

Quote from Pepper

Jay: What the hell?
Pepper: Hello, boys.
Phil: What a sweet ride, Pepper.
Jay: What are you guys doing here?
Mitchell: I've been golfing for a few weeks. Pepper's been teaching me.
Pepper: I grew up golfing with my father, the great Chaim Saltzman. Or as he was known around the clubhouse, Chad Treadwell.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] I decided to go gentle with Phil, which didn't come easy to me, because I've always been a bit of a drill sergeant when it comes to sports. And with the new baby, Gloria's been buggin' me to have more patience. But come on. He's been alive a month. How hard is it to support your own head?

Quote from Phil

Pepper: Ohh! I was the same way with my father. It's always complicated.
Phil: Not for mine. My dad was just supportive. Never missed a tumbling meet or a break-dance brawl. Heck, I'd set up the sound system for our school assembly, he'd be the loudest voice in the crowd. "Hey, everybody! Check out my son's equipment!"

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] I'm not the strongest golfer, and I think it's holding me back in business. Too bad deals aren't closed in a trampoline park. I'd just lazy-back into a Rudolph into a quadriffus right up the corporate ladder.

Quote from Luke

Luke: Hey, dad, you coming to my play tonight?
Alex: "Your" play? You only painted the sets.
Luke: Yeah, and Michelangelo "only" painted the sixteenth chapel.
Alex: Maybe don't keep your face so close to the paint cans.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Thanks so much for the quick lesson, Jay. Just think of me as a blob of Clay, waiting for your experienced hands to caress and coax me-
Jay: First rule of golf: shh.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Ay, thank you so much for taking care of the baby. Cam has me running all kinds of errands for the play.
Claire: Yeah, well, you gotta keep your eye on the caller I.D.
Gloria: I have to go to the dry cleaners to pick up the costumes.
Claire: Mm-hmm.
Gloria: Then I have to go get the dry ice for the fog machine.
Claire: Mm-hmm.
Gloria: And maybe I'll go get Cam some flowers.
Claire: Oh, Alex can help you with all that.
Gloria: Oh, perfect. Okay, let's go. We can't be late, or there won't be any dry ice in the house.
Alex: [laughs] Good one.
Gloria: What?

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Okay, can I have everyone's attention, please? Reuben? Hit me with a spot. That's a little harsh. Throw a pink gel on that. That's great. Perfect. All right, I will be recording today's rehearsal, but don't let that make you self-conscious. I'm only using it to pinpoint your mistakes. Secondly, I have granted full set access to Maureen Schick, who will be reviewing your show tonight.
Manny: Oh-oh, she's vicious. Our last music teacher, Mr. Namagachi, never recovered from her article, "Anything blows."
Cameron: But in fairness, I saw that production, and the lead soprano was an absolute disaster. No offense, Sophie. You've blossomed since then, sweetie, okay? No batteries in her mic, okay?

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: [aside to camera] Running into my dad was no accident. I wasn't the best athlete growing up, and my dad never missed an opportunity to point that out. "Nice throw, Nancy!" Nancy was our neighbor. I could never throw as well as she could. I'd pretty much given up on beating my dad at anything until Pepper dragged me to a golf course one day. Turns out I wasn't half bad. Six months' practice later, I was ready to kick my dad's ass. I knew just how I was gonna do it, too. I'd walk up to the tee all nervous, do a few clumsy practice swings, and then I'd hit that ball dead center, watch it arc through the sky, land on the green, and totally wow my dad.
[cut to Mitchell missing the ball completely:]
Jay: Wow.

Quote from Manny

Cameron: Well, Marcus is out. But luckily, I found an even better phantom right here.
Manny: I wouldn't say better, but since you did...
Cameron: Luke. I was just about to ask him.
Manny: Luke?
Cameron: He knows the show, he sings like a nightingale, and he has a certain theatrical madness in his eyes you cannot teach.
Manny: That's just from all the paint.

Quote from Dylan

Dylan: [playing guitar and singing] Vermont is snowy Las Vegas is showy And those are the capitals I remember.

Quote from Alex

Alex: You maybe wanna take a shift carrying this dry ice?
Gloria: No, I just had a baby.
Alex: I've watched you carry Manny to bed.
Gloria: I know what we can do to kill time. My psychic is around the corner.
Alex: Please tell me you just said "sidekick."
Gloria: I used to think that I knew everything, too. We're going for a reading. I'll let her know that we're coming. [holding her fingers to her temple] Um...
Alex: You have got to be kidding me.
Gloria: I'm trying to remember the telephone number.

Quote from Pepper

Pepper: Did you hear that? And he wasn't just talking to Phil. He was talking to 10-year-old you and 12-year-old you and...
Mitchell: Suck it, Nancy!
Pepper: [gasps] I was just trying to help.

Quote from Alex

Gloria: I see that you're smiling. You're enjoying yourself.
Alex: I know it sounds crazy, but could you please tell me what happened to my bunny buttons, who ran away when I was 5?
[aside to camera:]
Alex: Never had a bunny. Hate bunnies.
[back:]
Psychic: I see a farm with a red barn.
Gloria: I know who's in the barn!
[aside to camera:]
Alex: It's like Scrabble with Haley. After a while, you're just playing against yourself.

Quote from Haley

Haley: Wait. Ice cream might ruin Lily's dinner.
Dylan: So?
Haley: So I spent all afternoon cooking.
Dylan: I thought ice cream would be fun.
Haley: All you've done today is have fun while I did all the work.
Dylan: I'm just trying to make the most of it with these kids. I don't have as much time with them as you do.
Haley: What, by spoiling them? Who's that? Who's texting you?
Dylan: It's just about work.
Haley: Typical. Even when you're here, you're not here.
Dylan: Why are you this upset about ice cream?
Haley: If that's what you think this is about, then you haven't heard a word I've said!
Dylan: I-I'm confused. Why do we even have these kids?
Haley: I don't know!
Dylan: I'm going home!
Haley: Good!

Quote from Pepper

[As Harry Chapin's "Cats in the Cradle plays":]
Mitchell: I should have golfed with you sooner, dad.
Jay: I never made the time.
Phil: Luke!
Pepper: I need to call my son. What time is it in Damascus? Ugh. Why don't I just draw them a map?


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