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‘Hit and Run’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Modern Family: Hit and Run

305. Hit and Run

Aired October 12, 2011

When Claire decides to run for town council, Phil takes on more parenting duties with disastrous results. Mitch and Cameron disagree over what to do following a minor hit-and-run incident. Meanwhile, Jay struggles to bring the "wow factor" when he pitches his closets to a young property developer.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] I'll admit it. I'm turned on by powerful women: Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condoleezza Rice, Serena Williams... Wait a minute.


Quote from Gloria

Jay: Uh, this stupid kid's been in the business about ten minutes. He barely looks at my proposal, and he says he wants more "Wow."
Gloria: What does he mean by more "Wow"?
Manny: It's the "Bieber-ization" of America.
Jay: What do beavers have to do with anything?
Gloria: The beavers, they build the dams all over the country so there's no floods, is the "Beaver-ization" of the Americas.
Manny: I'm finding there's less and less we can talk about.

Quote from Luke

Cameron: Okay, let me ask you something. Today, at a stoplight, a guy ran into our car, and then just took off. I wanted to chase after him. Mitchell-
Mitchell: Kept a level head and called the police.
Luke: Pfft. Police. Aren't they too busy winning the war on drugs?

Quote from Luke

Haley: Please. It's really important.
Luke: Look, I'd love to help you out, but I'm not very liquid right now.
[aside to camera:]
Luke: It's in a block of ice. I got the idea when I heard about rich guys with frozen assets. [chuckles] Assets.

Quote from Phil

Claire: How would this work? I mean, who would be here for the kids after school? Who would take them to practice and recitals and keep them from burning the house down?
Phil: It must be so hard being a single mom. Claire, I will. If you wanna fly, I'm not gonna hold your feet to the ground. I wanna be the one to push you off the cliff.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Okay. I'm gonna tell you a story about a little girl who entered a beauty pageant, even though she was very, very scared that she was going to lose.
Claire: Let me guess. You won.
Gloria: Of course I won, but I was talking about my cousin Maria Conchita. She had a nose like a toucan, she stuffed her body in this bikini, and at the end, she finished dead last.
Claire: How is that a good story?
Gloria: Because she faced her fears, and it didn't kill her. What killed her two weeks later was a bus.
Claire: Are you serious?
Gloria: Yes, because she couldn't see anything coming with that big nose.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: We never needed fake I.D.s on the farm. We figured if a 16-year-old could drive a tractor, he could drink a beer. Not at the same time, of course. It's Missouri, not Texas.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: I used a fake I.D. to get into an "R"-rated movie, "The Fabulous Baker Boys." I found the title to be misleading. Lot of Michelle Pfeiffer, that's all I'm saying.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [on the phone] I'm running late. This knucklehead's kept me waiting for over an hour. I never had to wait like this when his dad was running things.
Gloria: Yeah. And soda was a nickel. Just tell them that your family is coming over.
Jay: This guy fired his own father. He's not gonna care about my family.
Gloria: Okay, then just leave. You don't need his money.
Jay: Once a week, I have eight family members coming to my house for free food. I'm not going anywhere.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Are you okay? What is wrong?
Manny: I want to be homeschooled.
Gloria: Really, Manny? Do you want me to learn you English?

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