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‘Strangers in the Night’ Quotes

Modern Family: Strangers in the Night

609. Strangers in the Night

Aired December 3, 2014

After Alex tells her parents she has a boyfriend, who they never seem to catch, they start to believe she has made him up. Gloria agrees to attend a dog birthday party after Jay agrees a picnic for a group of Colombians who are receiving their green cards, but Jay has a plan to get out of his side of the bargain. Mitchell and Cameron take great care to keep their luxury white couch in pristine condition, but they didn't plan on playing host to Mitchell's distressed co-worker.

Quote from Lily

Lily: So, Larry's allowed to sit on the couch and I'm not?
Cameron: Well, Larry is white.
Lily: Hey, you chose me!
Cameron: Oh, uh, that's not what I meant.

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Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Okay, okay, go around the back.
Mitchell: What am I doing? What am I doing?
Cameron: We'll get this underneath her. Once, I helped a sow give birth to nine baby piglets on our living room floor. Didn't get a drop of nothin' on the linoleum.
Mitchell: We're gonna get back to why the sow was in the living room.
Cameron: Lady Di's wedding. It was beautiful.

Quote from Phil

Alex: So they can only be for Haley?
Phil: Of course not. Haley isn't the only hottie living here. I washed the car in my cheer shorts the other day. I definitely felt eyes on me.

Quote from Cameron

Brenda: God, where were you when I was looking for the perfect man?
Cameron: Well, probably in Missouri at a bar called Kansas City Meats doing the same thing.
Brenda: Funny!

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Manny, we won't be late. I left dinner for you and Joe, but don't eat the deviled eggs that are in the refrigerator because they're for tomorrow's picnic.
Manny: What picnic? Somebody's cat going to college?
Jay: No, some of Gloria's friends are getting their green cards. It's actually a nice group.
Gloria: Yes, they're very decent, hardworking people. Jay met them at Mirabelle's fake wedding.

Quote from Claire

Claire: Makes me wonder what else she's making up. I have never met that girl she tutors in math.
Phil: Esther Choi? Me neither.
Claire: Because she doesn't exist! There is not an Esther Choi on earth who needs math tutoring.

Quote from Luke

Luke: Maybe it's not a guy who's in love with Haley.
Alex: Oh, thank you.
Luke: Maybe it's a guy who's obsessed with Haley and is getting plastic surgery to look like her so he can replace her and live her life.
Claire: Luke.

Quote from Haley

Phil: This is sad. Alex has great news and her own mother and sister don't believe her?
Claire: I want to.
Phil: Well, I do believe her. I'm gonna tell her to invite this boyfriend over for dinner, and I'll be serving a big, old platter of "I told you so."
Haley: Oh, great. Maybe you could also serve unicorn burgers and magic beans, and I'll invite my boyfriend, Bigfoot!
Claire: Still better than Dylan.

Quote from Lily

Cameron: Okay. I got a surprise for you.
Lily: It better not be another baby.

Quote from Manny

Jay: But now that I got you here, what do you think?
Manny: That you wore cargo shorts to my middle-school graduation, but you're putting on a bow tie for some dog's birthday party.
Jay: It's all good fun. The Birnbaums can't have kids. They like to do it up big for Buster.
Manny: I had my fifth birthday in a break room of a Der Wienerschnitzel, but good for Buster.

Quote from Manny

Jay: Why are you so cranky?
Manny: This kid at school ripped me off for 40 bucks in a pyramid scheme.
Jay: Did this have something to do with that broken plastic pyramid on your dresser?
Manny: It looked like marble in the picture.
Jay: Oh, man. Where were you when I was growing up? I'd have had your dice and cigarettes before you got to homeroom.
Manny: Where'd you go to school, "Guys and Dolls"?

Quote from Jay

Jay: Bark Mitzvah. What a concept. Beagles and lox, dog briskets. Whoever's in charge of the wordplay, bravo.

Quote from Alex

Alex: Alec.
[aside to camera:]
Alex: His dumb dad got transferred to dumb Africa to operate on some dumb babies. So fixing their hearts is worth breaking mine?
[back:]
Alec: It's kind of worth it. He can do like six operations a day.
Alex: Yeah. I-I-I understand. I'm sorry I'm lashing out. I-I just really like you.
Alec: I still like you.
Alex: You're making this worse.

Quote from Gloria

Manny: Why are you home?
Gloria: Buster's party was a Bark Mitzvah. I don't know why Jay would take me to this place.
Manny: I don't know. Maybe this dog stuff is his way of trying to find a common interest with you. It's hard. You don't like golf or scotch or Eisenhower documentaries.
Gloria: It's true. I don't like Ike. But the people in this party, they are so obsessed with dogs. Even the punch bowl was in the shape of a toilet.
Manny: Well, it's not like Jay doesn't get out of his comfort zone for you. He's going to your green-card picnic tomorrow.
Gloria: You're right. He even bought star-spangled sombreros for everybody. It's the wrong country. He never listens, but... But he's sweet.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: Cam, are we terrible people?
Cameron: For protecting a Vanderkoff? He hanged himself last year. It's not like they're making more of those.
Mitchell: We just rolled a bipolar divorcee face-first onto a hardwood floor. All to protect a couch.
Cameron: It's not just a couch. Our one nice thing. The last seven years have been about sticky countertops and horsy shower curtains and childproof locks. Do you know what's in this drawer? I don't know what's in this drawer.

Quote from Manny

Jay: So, today, instead of watching the game, I'll be playing lawn darts with Colombians, thanks to you not using your brain.
Manny: Here we go, "The Sting."
Jay: Well, someone's getting what they want today. You finally get to watch your precious movie, huh?
Manny: "A classic tale about a long con."
Jay: Well, you're welcome. Wait a minute.
Manny: "Rogues and double-crossers abound. Who will outsmart whom?"
Jay: Son of a bitch. You knew I was using the Bark Mitzvah as a bargaining chip. That's why you talked Gloria into coming back, so I couldn't weasel my way out of this stupid picnic and you'd get the big TV. Well, I'm onto you now.
[aside to camera:]
Manny: I was just reading off the DVD box.


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