‘Strangers in the Night’
Season 6, Episode 9 - Aired December 3, 2014
After Alex tells her parents she has a boyfriend, who they never seem to catch, they start to believe she has made him up. Gloria agrees to attend a dog birthday party after Jay agrees a picnic for a group of Colombians who are receiving their green cards, but Jay has a plan to get out of his side of the bargain. Mitchell and Cameron take great care to keep their luxury white couch in pristine condition, but they didn't plan on playing host to Mitchell's distressed co-worker.
Quote from Lily
Lily: So, Larry's allowed to sit on the couch and I'm not?
Cameron: Well, Larry is white.
Lily: Hey, you chose me!
Cameron: Oh, uh, that's not what I meant.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Okay, okay, go around the back.
Mitchell: What am I doing? What am I doing?
Cameron: We'll get this underneath her. Once, I helped a sow give birth to nine baby piglets on our living room floor. Didn't get a drop of nothin' on the linoleum.
Mitchell: We're gonna get back to why the sow was in the living room.
Cameron: Lady Di's wedding. It was beautiful.
Quote from Phil
Alex: So they can only be for Haley?
Phil: Of course not. Haley isn't the only hottie living here. I washed the car in my cheer shorts the other day. I definitely felt eyes on me.
Quote from Cameron
Brenda: God, where were you when I was looking for the perfect man?
Cameron: Well, probably in Missouri at a bar called Kansas City Meats doing the same thing.
Quote from Gloria
Gloria: Manny, we won't be late. I left dinner for you and Joe, but don't eat the deviled eggs that are in the refrigerator because they're for tomorrow's picnic.
Manny: What picnic? Somebody's cat going to college?
Jay: No, some of Gloria's friends are getting their green cards. It's actually a nice group.
Gloria: Yes, they're very decent, hardworking people. Jay met them at Mirabelle's fake wedding.
Quote from Claire
Claire: Makes me wonder what else she's making up. I have never met that girl she tutors in math.
Phil: Esther Choi? Me neither.
Claire: Because she doesn't exist! There is not an Esther Choi on earth who needs math tutoring.
Quote from Manny
Jay: So, today, instead of watching the game, I'll be playing lawn darts with Colombians, thanks to you not using your brain.
Manny: Here we go, "The Sting."
Jay: Well, someone's getting what they want today. You finally get to watch your precious movie, huh?
Manny: "A classic tale about a long con."
Jay: Well, you're welcome. Wait a minute.
Manny: "Rogues and double-crossers abound. Who will outsmart whom?"
Jay: Son of a bitch. You knew I was using the Bark Mitzvah as a bargaining chip. That's why you talked Gloria into coming back, so I couldn't weasel my way out of this stupid picnic and you'd get the big TV. Well, I'm onto you now.
[aside to camera:]
Manny: I was just reading off the DVD box.
Quote from Luke
Luke: Maybe it's not a guy who's in love with Haley.
Alex: Oh, thank you.
Luke: Maybe it's a guy who's obsessed with Haley and is getting plastic surgery to look like her so he can replace her and live her life.
Quote from Haley
Phil: This is sad. Alex has great news and her own mother and sister don't believe her?
Claire: I want to.
Phil: Well, I do believe her. I'm gonna tell her to invite this boyfriend over for dinner, and I'll be serving a big, old platter of "I told you so."
Haley: Oh, great. Maybe you could also serve unicorn burgers and magic beans, and I'll invite my boyfriend, Bigfoot!
Claire: Still better than Dylan.
Quote from Lily
Cameron: Okay. I got a surprise for you.
Lily: It better not be another baby.