Michael Scott: I suppose summer had to end sometime. It's sad, though, because I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected even though I peed on it. Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.

Dwight K. Schrute: I'm going to live for a very long time. My grandma Schrute lived to be 101. My grandpa Mannheim is 103, and still puttering around down in Argentina. I tried to go visit him once but my travel visa was protested by the Shoah Foundation.

[Jim arrives for work wearing glasses, a side-parting hair cut, and a pale yellow shirt:]
Jim: It's kind of blurry. That's better. Question, what kind of bear is best?
Dwight K. Schrute: That's a ridiculous question.
Jim: False. Black bear.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, that's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought.
Jim: Fact, bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.
Dwight K. Schrute: Bears do not- What is going on? What are you doing?
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Last week, I was in a drug store and I saw these glasses. Four dollars. And it only cost me $7 to recreate the rest of the ensemble and that's a grand total of $11.
[back:]
Dwight K. Schrute: You know what? Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. So I thank you. Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!
Jim: Michael!
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, that's funny. Michael!

David: So, let me ask you a question right off the bat, what do you think are your greatest strengths as a manager?
Michael Scott: Why don't I tell you what my greatest weaknesses are? I work too hard, I care too much, and sometimes I can be too invested in my job.
David: Okay. And your strengths?
Michael Scott: Well, my weaknesses are actually strengths.
David: Oh. Yes. Very good.
Michael Scott: There you go.

Jan: I don't know, I just I never felt welcomed there, you know?
Michael Scott: That's-
Jan: It's such a boys' club.
Michael Scott: Yeah, I hate that. So here's the deal. I am on my way to New York to be deposed as part of Jan's wrongful termination lawsuit. The company fired her for having the courage to augment her boobs.
Jan: And they displayed a pattern of disrespect and inappropriate behaviors.
Michael Scott: Yes, yes. Pat-tern. Patt-ern. My friend Pat took a turn. That's how I remember that. Could we pull over and put down the top? My- I'm feeling a little queasy.
Jan: No, I want it up. My hair. Remember, it's not just a pattern. It's a pattern of disrespect and inappropriate behaviors.
Michael Scott: Disree. My friend Disree got new specs. Disree spect. My friend Inapro drives a Prius with his behind neighbor.
Jan: Does this work for you?
Michael Scott: Yep!

Holly: So I've gone over corporate policy.
Michael Scott: What do you think? What do you think of this place?
Holly: Oh, it's very nice.
Michael Scott: Isn't it? It's kind of business/romantic. So you're from Des Moines?
Holly: Mmm-hmm.
Michael Scott: That sounds so warm.
Holly: In summer.
Michael Scott: Here too. You know what my favorite season is?
Holly: Maybe we should talk about Meredith first.
Michael Scott: Yes. Get the boring stuff out of the way. Autumn was what I was gonna say. When the leaves change. It's just- I think it's the most contemplative of seasons.