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‘The Wedding (Part 1)’ Quotes Page 1 of 5

Modern Family: The Wedding (Part 1)

523. The Wedding (Part 1)

Aired May 14, 2014

When Mitchell and Cameron's big day finally arrives, wedding planner Pepper Saltzman is put to the test by an unexpected series of events. Jay and Gloria play host to Cameron's parents, Barb and Merle. Meanwhile, Alex shepherds Phil around after an eye exam, and Claire picks Luke up from camp.

Quote from Sal

Sal: Surprise! Guess who's on time.
Mitchell: Oh, my God! Sal, wow, you're pregnant.
Cameron: Congratulations!
Sal: Thank you. We're really excited.
Lily: You're huge.
Sal: Nice teeth.

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Quote from Alex

Alex: [aside to camera] My dad would never admit this, but when he wants fun he goes straight to Luke. They have a weird connection. They're like Batman and Robin. Dad and I are more like Batman and Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Mitchell! Mitchell! Look at this. Do you think you could fit in there?
Mitchell: I'm not doing that.
Cameron: Then what am I gonna wear to our wedding? My black funeral suit? Is that the tone you want to set?
Mitchell: You wore it to one funeral. And you didn't even know Bea Arthur.
Cameron: I felt like I did.
Mitchell: I know.

Quote from Sal

Sal: Cam, Mitch, Peps, this guy. This is Eddie, my baby daddy.
Cameron: So, why didn't you tell us?
Sal: Oh, you know, we just wanted to get through that first trimester before we let the cat out of the bag.
Pepper: When was that last summer?
Mitchell: So, y-you're you're how far along now?
Eddie: About four months. Right, honey?
Sal: Four months. Yep. Yeah. Just about the exact amount of time Eddie and I have been together.
Ronaldo: I don't understand. Four is this many, yes?
Pepper: Si.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Mrs. P. My darn taxi never came. I'm gonna miss my flight.
Gloria: No.
Andy: I just I don't want to deal with this right now. 'Cause I'm already so scared of flying. I just hate everything about it. Except for the food. I don't understand how they get such bold flavors out of that tiny kitchen.

Quote from Pepper

Cameron: Good morning, almost husband.
MI:Good morning, almost- Oh, no! No!
Cameron: Oh! Oh!
Pepper: Oh, calm down. This can't be the first time you've woken up with other men in your bedroom.

Quote from Ronaldo

Ronaldo: Happy wedding day!
Mitchell: What are you doing here?
Ronaldo: You pay for a full-service wedding, you get our full packages.
Pepper: Ohh. Close, honey. So close.

Quote from Pepper

Ronaldo: The car will pick you up at 4:00 to whisk you away to your beautiful hilltop wedding.
Cameron: How's the weather? I had a dream it rained on everyone.
Pepper: Dry as a bone. The only thing it will be raining tonight is men.

Quote from Sal

Mitchell: Has anyone heard from Sal?
Pepper: No. And I will never understand why you asked that boozy us-hag to officiate your wedding.
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: We didn't exactly ask Sal.
[flashback:]
Cameron: Sal. We have something very important to talk to you about.
Mitchell: Yeah, we hope that maybe you would be open to the idea-
Sal: Yes! I will totally officiate your wedding! Oh, my drinks!
[aside to camera:]
Cameron: It was supposed to be an intervention.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: [aside to camera] My mother can't come to the wedding. She was at a yoga retreat, and she fell out of a warrior pose, and she broke her hip.
Cameron: Should we consider the possibility that someone pushed her?
Mitchell: Cam, please. They were a bunch of peace-loving hippies who spent two weeks in the rainforest with my mother. Of course someone pushed her.

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