Lucille: His name is Dustin Radler, and I haven't hired him, because technically, he's given up the rat race.
George Sr.: Oh, God, the "giving up the rat race" guy? This is the sand hobo? Uh, it's just a question. Are you guys doing something?
Lucille: [inhales]
Gob: Don't say it! Please, I can't I can't hear it.
Lucille: He tickles my fancy.
Gob: Your what? Is the- What part of Mom is the fancy? You do not want to know what I'm picturing, and it's not what you think.
Lucille: Oh, stop. We walk on the beach. We like the feel of the sand on our feet.
Gob: Oh, God, the thought of your feet.
George Sr.: It's fine. I'm glad you have someone to talk to. Well, maybe I'll go check on Buster.
Gob: Wow. Mom really has him fancy-whipped, huh?

Lucille: I'll have the Ike and Tina Tuna.
Waitress: Plate or platter?
Lucille: I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.

Lucille: Don't you judge me. You're the selfish one. You're the one who charged his own brother for a Bluth frozen banana. I mean, it's one banana, Michael. What could it cost, $10?
Michael: You've never actually set foot in a supermarket, have you?

Rance Howard: Can I help you?
Michael: Yeah, that's a sweet setup there. I wanted to take a peek. Do you mind? I want to check out my son.
Rance Howard: Uh, that I understand. My name is Rance Howard, Ron's dad.
Michael: I thought you worked here. Hi.
Rance Howard: Well, I like to stay busy, keep an eye on my son, too.
Michael: Oh, yeah? You still have to do that?
Rance Howard: That's a father's job. Doesn't start at 9:00 and end at 5:00. It's 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Michael: Even as they get older, huh?
Rance Howard: It gets even harder, 'cause they think they know it all. You still have to be there for them when they make mistakes. Or sometimes they need to cry a little bit because sometimes a person needs to cry a little bit. Unless that person is a dad. For a father must bear his load lightly, and yet, beneath the mask, a watchful eye never wanders. For it is through this glance that a wisdom beyond words must be passed.
Michael: That is a very interesting take. Because I think a girl might be using my son, but I don't exactly have a way to keep an eye on her...
Ron Howard: Oh, I see you met my dad. He doesn't say much, but we're sure glad he's around. Although, hopefully he didn't share his thoughts about climate change, did he?
Rance Howard: Hoax!
Michael: He was great company.

Lucille: You know our family motto. We forget, but we never forgive.
Michael: I remember the framed needlepoint.
Lucille: You'll see. In life, you don't want to carry that much hate.
Michael: Although, by not forgiving, you're throwing everything out and just keeping the hate.
George Sr.: Well, how do you think she keeps that figure?

Waitress: Bananas Foster.
Lucille: You might wanna let that fire go out before you stick your face in it.
Lindsay: That's funny, 'cause I was gonna say, "You might wanna lean away from that fire since you're soaked in alcohol."
Lucille: Mine was better.