TV Quotes

Natalie: Where are you going?
Adrian Monk: Bathroom.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why? [Monk is silent] I'll go with you.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, let me go with you.
Natalie: We promised Dr. Kroger we wouldn't leave you alone.
Adrian Monk: I am not suicidal. I just wish I was never born. There's a difference.

Natalie: Are you afraid of frogs?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. I've never been this close to one. [A frog lands on Monk's shoe] Yes. The answer is yes. Put frogs on the list. Where's the list?
Natalie: I got it. I got it. Where does it go?
Adrian Monk: Put them between possums and, uh, soccer riots. No, no, no. Uh, after after soccer riots. And before, uh, before hailstones. Yeah, so it goes...
Natalie: I got it, I got it: Soccer riots, frogs, hailstones.
Adrian Monk: At least now we know. Information really is power.

Ms. Lennington: Mr. Monk, what would you say is your greatest strength?
Adrian Monk: Oh. Mm... [long, expectant pause] My decisiveness.

Board Member #1: Former Detective Monk, we've been reviewing your file, which includes a statement from your psychiatrist, Dr. Kroger. [Monk notices a crooked blind] Now, he says you're still obsessed with the murder of your wife to the point where you are emotionally paralyzed. Do you agree?
Adrian Monk: Well, she was my wife. You can understand. It's not just another case.
Board Member #2: How's that investigation going?
Adrian Monk: We're stalled. Frankly, it's a dead end.
Board Member #1: However, there is some good news. Kroger says that you've been showing some significant progress in some of your other problems.
Adrian Monk: Yes, I've been working hard. [A board member crumples a piece of paper and drops it by the bin]
Board Member #2: Since your suspension, you've been working as a private investigator. Is that right?
Adrian Monk: Well, it hasn't made me rich, but, you know, it's what I do.
Board Member #1: It's what you do. I like that. You feel that you're ready to do what you do for us again? [The female board member pours a drink and spills some water on the table] I mean, officially?
Adrian Monk: I think I'm ready. As you know, I've been doing some consulting work for the department.
Board Member #1: Yes, on eight occasions. It's very impressive.
Board Member #2: Although, isn't it true, Mr. Monk, that on more than one occasion your phobias have hindered the investigation? For example, last February your fear of heights allowed a suspect in San Anselmo to escape.
Adrian Monk: Well, no officer is without fear of some kind.
Board Member #2: That's true. We all accept that, as long those fears don't interfere with the performance of his duties.
Board Member #1: We'll be making a formal recommendation by the end of the week. We have to speak with two or three more people, including Captain Leland Stottlemeyer.
Adrian Monk: Captain Stottlemeyer.
Board Member #1: As your commanding officer for years, his testimony is crucial.
Board Member #2: Thank you for coming in. [Monk is distracted by the blind] Mr. Monk?
Adrian Monk: Thank you. Thank you very much.

Julie: Um, Mr. Monk, you're a private consultant now, right? [Monk nods] Okay, 'cause, um, I want to hire you. There's just one thing. Uh, I can't pay you.
Adrian Monk: Well, that's that's a problem. My assistant, Sharona, won't let me take any more cases for free.
Julie: Doesn't she work for you?
Adrian Monk: Well, it's complicated.

Adrian Monk: Perfect.
Sketch Artist: Thank God. All right, let's move on. Tell me about this guy's eyes.
Adrian Monk: I didn't see his eyes. He was covering his face, so... All I saw was a left ear.
Sketch Artist: What are we supposed to do with this? I can't distribute this.
Adrian Monk: I'd recognize him.
Sketch Artist: From this?
Adrian Monk: Every ear is different. They're like fingerprints.
Sharona: Hey, how's it going?
Sketch Artist: This is all that he saw.
Adrian Monk: You know what? The earlobe was a little rounder.