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‘The Future Dunphys’ Quotes

Modern Family: The Future Dunphys

419. The Future Dunphys

Aired April 3, 2013

When Phil takes Claire to the hospital for a test, they encounter a family that offers them a glimpse of their future selves. Meanwhile, Jay takes Manny to an interview at a private school, and Mitchell and Cameron arrange for Gloria to take Lily out on a "girls' day".

Quote from Haley

Claire: [on the phone] Haley, I love you. If you don't want to work in that store, I'll help you find something you like better.
Haley: Is this reverse psychiatry?
Claire: No, honey. Actually, nothing is.

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Quote from Phil

Claire: [aside to camera] A couple of weeks ago, I had a minor heart incident. I am fine. But just to be safe, I'm having an angiogram, which is when they inject a dye to make sure there's no blockage. It's- It's no big deal.
Phil: We're not worried.
Claire: No.
Phil: If something were to happen, which it's not-
Claire: Not gonna.
Phil: I would turn our bedroom into a shrine to Claire.
Claire: Wow.
Phil: And this room into a hall of magic.

Quote from Alex

Alex: I need caffeine today.
Claire: You can have juice. How late were you at that party last night?
Haley: Oh, please. She snuck in at 10:00 and spent all night reading under the covers with a flashlight.
Claire: Alex, what have I told you about staying out past your curfew?
Alex: I need to do it more often.

Quote from Jay

Jay: I never went to private school. Hell, I never even finished college, and look at me. That Danish I just ate cost 6 bucks. I didn't even blink.
Manny: I've always felt out of place in public school, like a lone petunia in an onion patch.
Jay: You felt out of place? Let me tell you something about your prep school buddies. When I was younger, I had a job checking coats at a country club. These smug rich kids used to waltz in there and throw their coats at me like I was nothing. That was before your high-tech fabrics. They weighed a ton. You see that scar?
Manny: The one you got in the war?
Jay: That's what I tell people. I caught the scalloped edge of a Burberry duffel coat toggle. Still not sure there isn't a piece in there.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] It took me right back to 40 years ago, candy-ass preppies with too many privileges. You know what I hated most about those guys? They all had these little noses. What is that?
Okay, gun to my head, maybe I was a tiny bit jealous of those guys back then, with their cars and their fancy hair products: your brylcreems and your VO5s.
You know what was a rare book in my school library? One that didn't have genitals drawn all over it. Who am I kidding? I wanted what those kids had then, and 40 years later, I still wanted it.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: And with respect to your heritage, you're not gay. You're Vietnamese.
Lily: What's that?
Cameron: Well, Vietnam is a beautiful country, and it's near China.
Lily: Uh, it- It's known for, uh... Its... Its farms, with all of the, uh...
Cameron: Uh, water buffalos.
Mitchell: Water buffalo. And bikes. Lily, there are bikes everywhere.
Cameron: Oh! There are so many bikes.
Mitchell: So many bikes.
Cameron: People are biking around. And then- Aand they're wearing hats.
Mitchell: Hats.
Cameron: They have these beautiful sun hats.
Mitchell: That swoop.

Quote from Lily

Lily: I want a cheeseburger.
Cameron: But this is a special soup called pho.
Lily: You told me not to say that word.

Quote from Claire

Claire: I can't believe how relieved I am.
Phil: Me, too. I'm just texting the kids.
Claire: It's like at a certain age, "it's probably nothing" becomes "it's probably nothing." Like they add italics at 40.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: Hey, what's going on with you?
Gloria: Manny has forgotten most of his Spanish, and Joe, I'm sure he's not even going to learn it. I know this is silly, but I just don't like feeling like I'm so different from the rest of my family.
Cameron: Oh, honey.
Gloria: It feels so lonely, yes.
Cameron: Oh, wait just a second. Lily, is that why you want to be gay, to be more like your daddies? [Lily nods]
Mitchell: Oh, honey. No, the three of us are a family even though we come from different places. You know, you were born in Vietnam, and I grew up in a city, and even though he never talks about it, your daddy grew up on a farm.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: Come on, Lily is not gay. It's probably just a phase. Oh, my God. Did I just say that? Do not tell anyone I just said that.

Quote from Luke

Luke: Okay, everybody, calm down. Here's what we know. Mom had to go to the hospital for a simple procedure. Then mom and dad start calling us, acting weird. Open your eyes, people. They've been kidnapped.

Quote from Claire

Claire: [on the phone] Yes, I promise I'll call you as soon as I get the results. Yes, I am aware that hospitals are a hotbed of infection. Thank you, Manny.

Quote from Claire

Claire: Luke, please stop taking appliances apart.
Luke: I'm making something.
Claire: You're unmaking something.

Quote from Phil

Claire: Phil, talk to your children.
Phil: All right. Everybody listen up. Haley, you're not quitting. You're resigning. It sounds better.
Claire: No. Unh-unh.
Phil: Alex, you have all of spring break to lock yourself in your room and study.
Claire: No, no, no, no, no.
Phil: And, Luke, coffee bot is a non-starter. But I do like the idea of popcorn kernels in the pancake batter so they self-flip.
Claire: Stop talking! Step away from the children.

Quote from Jay

Manny: This is lucky. At 2:00, the school's award-winning bell players will be performing a medley of civil war drinking songs.
Jay: What do they call that? Unhappy hour?

Quote from Lily

Mitchell: Um, so Gloria was telling us about something that you said. Something about you being gay?
Lily: What about it?
Cameron: Okay, very aggressive. Just saying.
Mitchell: Um, w-we're--we're just wondering, you know, why did you say that?
Lily: Because I'm gay.
Cameron: But why do you think you're gay, sweetie?
Lily: We're learning about it in school.
Cameron: Oh.
Lily: My friend Aldo's parents are Italian, so he's Italian. And you and daddy are gay, so I'm gay.
All: Oh.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: First of all, adorable. But that's not how it works. When Aldo's talking about him being Italian, he's talking about his heritage.
Mitchell: Yeah, and that's a totally different thing than being gay. See, heritage is, uh, well, it's something that you're born with, and- Oh, my God. What's wrong with me?

Quote from Cameron

Gloria: Is that all you know about her culture?
Cameron: No. I mean, w- We're- We're saving some of the things until she gets older to tell her about. I-I wanna say the windmills and the tulips?
Mitchell: Don't.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: No wonder she has so many questions. She doesn't know who she is.
Cameron: Well, I guess we kind of dropped the ball.
Gloria: You know what? Forget the pretty nails. We are all going to a Vietnamese restaurant, and we are gonna give her a taste of her culture. Which one is the best restaurant around here?
Mitchell: There's Little...
Cameron: I wanna say Saigon.
Gloria: You know nothing. I'll look in the Jelp.

Quote from Jay

Manny: I-I guess what I'm trying to say is, I like books for reading them.
Dean: You care to elaborate?
Manny: Indeed. [knocks over chess pieces]
[aside to camera:]
Jay: Did you ever see one of those slow-motion movies where they destroy an old casino, and it just implodes? That.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: Lily, that was rude.
Lily: I wanna go home.
Gloria: No. It's important that you celebrate the culture of your ancestors. You are Vietnamese.
Lily: No, I'm not. I'm gay! I'm gay!
Mitchell: Honey, no, you're not gay. You are just confused. Oh, my God. What is wrong with me? It's like I- [to passing lesbian couple] Oh, please. We have tons of lesbian friends.
Cameron: Odd that you would reference our friends and not us.
Mitchell: I know. I know.
Cameron: Also gay.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: No, nobody's going anywhere until she finishes the whole soup!
Cameron: No, Gloria, it's fine. We don't wanna push her.
Gloria: No, no, no, it's not fine. That's the problem with this country. Nobody cares where they come from. They just want cheeseburgers and prep school, and they have forgotten about Colombia!
Mitchell: Okay, I can't help but feel that maybe you're bringing something to the table that's possibly, uh, not at all about Lily.
Gloria: I think you're right. It's just that I feel like I'm losing my children to America. They're just going to grow up and become boring old white people.
Cameron: [to passing white old men] Uh, most of our friends are white, actually. [to a black couple] Uh, okay, can everybody just calm down and go back to their own conversations? Just, thank you.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: The point is, is that we're a family because we love each other.
Lily: Okay.
Cameron: And you know what? You just caused a scene in a restaurant And you can't get any more like your daddies than that.

Quote from Cameron

Gloria: Maybe I'll just take Manny and Joe to Colombia this summer.
Mitchell: I think that's a great idea. I really think that keeping in touch with your heritage only enriches our culture.
Cameron: Absolutely. I think we would all be better off if people would go back to where they came from.
[The entire restaurant stops and stares at Mitchell and Cameron]
Mitchell: I- I'll pull the car around.
Cameron: Yes.

Quote from Jay

Manny: Sorry I let you down, Jay.
Jay: Me?
Manny: I saw how much it meant to you. It's like I was on the football field. You were up in the stands, all proud of me, rooting me on. I'm not used to that. I just whiffed. That's not even the right sport. Why am I trying to blame you?
Jay: Probably 'cause you should be. Sit down. I think I put some stuff on you that is about some guys 40 years ago with tiny noses and perfect hair.
Manny: You're losing me.
Jay: There's only thing I want you to understand. If today was the first time you've felt that I was proud of you, then I should be apologizing, 'cause I'm proud of you every day.


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