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‘Suddenly, Last Summer’ Quotes

Modern Family: Suddenly, Last Summer

501. Suddenly, Last Summer

Aired September 25, 2013

When gay marriage is suddenly legalized in California, Mitchell and Cameron both rush to propose to the other. Meanwhile, Claire and Phil try to rearrange the kids' summer activities so they can schedule a week on their own, and Jay works to make sure Gloria's apprehension doesn't stop Manny from taking a trip to Colombia to visit his family.

Quote from Lily

Lily: What if he never comes back?
Jay: Oh, honey, no one ever leaves home and doesn't come back.
Lily: I did.

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Quote from Claire

Claire: [v.o.] Soldiers talk about that moment when they shut off, when the war finally wins. For me, that moment is four days into summer vacation.

Quote from Jay

Jay: What's all this? I said one suitcase.
Manny: I need choices, Jay.
Jay: Colombia's not one of your more formal nations. The guy on their money is sitting in a lawn chair.

Quote from Phil

Phil: We'll get our time. They're all going away at some point, right?
Claire: Yeah, Haley's got her beach trip, and Alex is doing habitat for humanity, and Luke has camp. If I remember, I think we have six hours totally kid-free on... Oh, the 14th.
Phil: Hey, if we moved Alex's flight, we could have, like ten or twelve hours.
Claire: Dream bigger, hot pants. Step aside.
[aside to camera:]
Phil: Sometimes I don't know if I love how much I fear Claire, or fear how much I love her.
Claire: Aw.

Quote from Jay

Cameron: It's amazing. We'll celebrate tonight. I love you. [hangs up]
Jay: Celebrate what?
Cameron: Oh. Well, Jay, hold on to your hat. But as of today in California, it's legal for a man to marry another man!
Joe: [spits up]
Lily: Ew. He threw up.
Jay: He just needs some time to get used to the idea, honey.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: So tell me, Cam. How does it work when it is between two men?
Cameron: Well, I don't really feel comfortable talking about that in front of Lily.
Gloria: I know how that works. I rented the wrong movie once. Did you see "Glen, Garry, Glenn, and Ross"?

Quote from Cameron

Gloria: What I mean is, who proposes to who?
Cameron: I don't know. We've talked about it, if it ever became legal.
Gloria: Okay, and now it is.
Gloria: So are you going to do it today?
Cameron: Well, it just happened. I haven't really had-
Gloria: Oh, you have to do it today. Every couple deserve a beautiful proposal story.
Cameron: Well, I have always adored my mom and dad's story. He plowed "Will you marry me?" into a snowy field right outside of her window. And then he tried to re-create it for their 25th wedding anniversary. But there was no snow, so he burned it into a cornfield. Bad idea. You know, but mama did get a second ring out of it with the F.E.M.A. money.

Quote from Jay

Manny: Jay, I'm scared. I'm not sure I want to go through with it.
Jay: We didn't drive all the way down here for that piece of paper for you to get cold feet at the last second. And what happened, anyway? You've been looking forward to this day for months.
Manny: I know. But maybe we should wait until next year. I'm still kind of young to be doing this.
Jay: We're not waiting. I already paid for you, and your mother signed off. This is happening. [to the concerned gay onlookers] Great day, huh?

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Okay, Manny, remember, as soon as you land, watch out for Malaria.
Manny: Why? I got a shot for that.
Jay: Can we hurry this up?
Gloria: No, I'm look about your cousin Malaria. She's coming to pick you up, but she might have Rubella.
Manny: What?
Gloria: That's her daughter. But make room in the car because she could have diphtheria.
Manny: Who's diphtheria?
Gloria: Ay, Manny, diphtheria is a disease. That's why I want you to be apart from her in the car.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: This is not at all how I saw the evening going.
Cameron: Oh. Honey, you have no idea.
Mitchell: Do you remember our first apartment?
Cameron: Yes. What- What made you think of that?
Mitchell: I don't know. The stars. All right. Come on. Let's do this.
Cameron: Yeah.
[Mitchell and Cameron both get down on one knee to tend to the tire]
Both: Yes.

Quote from Claire

Claire: Luke to the 14th, Haley gets a day there.
Phil: Come on. That's it, Beautiful Mind. Harness that crazy into something positive.
Claire: Shh! If I can get Alex to move her Habitat for Humanity from Oklahoma to Sacramento and Luke to move his camp session, they will both overlap with Haley's vacation, and I just bought us seven kid-free days.
Phil: Witchcraft!
Claire: Yes.

Quote from Manny

Manny: I've been reading up on some of those tropical diseases: malaria, yellow fever, rabies. I'm high risk, Jay. I'm a big hand shaker.
Jay: You're fine. You've had all your shots. And that Paco Rabanne will scare away any mosquitoes.

Quote from Joe

Manny: Hey, Cam. Congratulations. Go, gay marriage.
Joe: [spits up]
Lily: He did it again.
Gloria: Ay, sí.
Cameron: Okay. Well...

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Ay, I wish I also had a romantic story. One day, we were watching TV before dinner, and Jay says, "Manny, hand me that thing." And Manny gives him the ring. I mean, I was very happy, of course, but it is not the best story. At least Javier was on top of a dolphin.

Quote from Claire

Claire: Tonight, you cook him his favorite meal. You open the best bottle of wine. And just as the two of you are sitting down to enjoy it, you break up with him.
Mitchell: What? Why?
Claire: Because then, as he is at his lowest, you pop the question. He goes from agony to ecstasy! It's so romantic.
Mitchell: You're kidding, right?
Claire: More traditional? Okay. All right. You look into his eyes And you say, "I saw a doctor. He found a small dark mass."
Mitchell: What are you?
Claire: And then just as he begins to cry, you pull out a black box with a ring in it. There's your small dark mass! It's genius!
Mitchell: Y- You're a disaster.
Claire: You could go the disaster route, too. Did you ever hear how I told Phil we were gonna have Luke? I said, "Thousands of children die every day..."

Quote from Phil

Carly: Oh, hi, Mr. Dunphy. Sorry we moved the furniture around. I was showing Luke the flip I did at tumbling sectionals. Oh, no. That's my mom. But I can leave you guys this old movie I brought over. It's called "Dirty Dancing."
Phil: [to Luke] Never let her go.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Okay, let's go. Gloria, better say goodbye here. He's got to hurry to get through security.
Gloria: But there's no line.
Jay: For now. A senior tour bus just pulled up. You know how much private wanding that is? Half their skeletons are metal.

Quote from Claire

Mitchell: [on the phone] Is everything set up?
Claire: You said two hours. We haven't even left yet.
Mitchell: Well, hurry!
Claire: Just stall. Tell him that Haley had a hemorrhage, and you're her blood type, so you-
Mitchell: I'm not doing that, you ghoul.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: I got the picnic basket. But you know what is going to be hard to find?
Jay: My interest in this whole damn thing?
Gloria: No, the blue-and-white tablecloth.
Lily: Here it is. It was in the occasions closet.
Jay: They keep their tools in a pillowcase, but they have an occasions closet?

Quote from Jay

Claire: What are you guys doing here?
Gloria: Oh. Cam is going to propose to Mitch, so we're here to help him set it up.
Phil: That is coconuts! Mitchell asked us to do the same thing for him.
Claire: Well, that just makes me want to stay and see how this whole thing works out.
Phil: Oh, we can. Let's set it up and then we'll hide somewhere.
Gloria: Ay, yes, in the occasion closet.
Jay: No. We do what they asked and leave. We never had these problems. This is what happens when they let men marry men. [Joe spits up] That cannot be a coincidence!

Quote from Jay

Gloria: Why do I even bother? You don't care about this stuff.
Jay: What's that supposed to mean?
Gloria: Yeah, like when you proposed to me. "Hey, Manny, hand me that thing." That's my whole story.
Jay: Hang on. That wasn't my fault. I had something big planned.
Gloria: You asked him for the ring.
Jay: I was asking for the remote. He jumped the gun. He was supposed to give me the ring later that night at the restaurant. The waiter was gonna come by and offer coffee. I was gonna say, "No, thank you. It'll keep me up, and lately, I've been loving my dreams, and there's one in particular I hope comes true." Manny gives me the ring. I say, "Gloria-"
Gloria: Yes, Jay! Yes, I marry you! I love my new story.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Little heads-up, there's no way I'm not crying at this wedding.
Claire: Phil, you cried on the way here.
Phil: I was on the brink already. I watched "Dirty Dancing" before we left.
Claire: Yeah.

Quote from Claire

Phil: Text from my dad. Oh, no. He wants me to come visit him for a couple of days, but it's right in the middle of our kid-free week.
Claire: Oh, that's too bad. I guess you could take two days.
[aside to camera:]
Claire: I may have mentioned to Frank that Phil might be available that week. The only thing better than a kid-free week is a couple of days carved out just for mama.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Hey, you remember the day I proposed to you?
Claire: Of course I do. I don't remember the exact date, but, yes.
Phil: March 19, 1994.
Claire: Oh. Yeah. I was in such a bad mood that afternoon. I was on day two of a St. Patrick's hangover.
Phil: I don't remember that. I just remember how crazy in love I was. I couldn't wait to ask you. I even ran a red light on the way to pick you up. I still have the ticket.
Claire: No, you don't. Why would you save something like that?
Phil: Are you kidding me? I was racing to my life. It's in a box at my dad's with a bunch of other stuff. The program from that concert where I met you, the matchbook with the fake number on it you gave me, the souvenir goblet from our first date. You really think I'd throw away all those [British accent] beautiful memories, milady? I haven't seen that stuff for a long time. I got to dig it out when I see my dad.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Oh, that's from Manny. I was hoping to wait and give it to you in a couple of days. But, uh, just remember that he's fine. He's only a plane ride away.
Gloria: Nice. I'm going to wash my face. Okay. I hope that my cousins don't take him riding the horses or shooting the guns. I know that he's almost a man, but- [Jay sniffles] Jay?
Jay: "Make sure you take care of Jay. Please call me after his checkup on Thursday. I'll miss you guys so much."
Gloria: Nice, huh?
Jay: Nice? I'm gonna mail him his other robe.


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